A lonely track

Sometimes life can be a lonely track, rusted with time, aged through the many changing and evolving weathers. 

It sits there waiting for something to make it useful, to feel fulfilled... 

Life is like these train tracks, we endure the many weathers of life, tests of faith, the never ending obstacles of dangers... Yet we are firm... Waitibg patiently for the savior... For a life of fulfillment...

Even while visitors may approach, at the end, life is still but an empty track waiting to be that useful reaource... 

I am feeling like these tracks... Old and rusty... With only hopes for a better tomorrow sitting on a crowded place, but feeling lonely at the end... 

The Ghost in Me

"...lost in the mist of a dream..."

A tear rolls down my eyes remembering the past... I was told (by an unsuspected source) never should I focus on living life from memories of the past.  Instead to sit back and live the current moments of wonders and joy.  I do believe that person is right on target.. however, it is difficult to file away those episodes of life when time and time again, my dreams are haunted by the memories...

It is a wise choice to dismiss the processed moments of life that I so selfishly retain to connect to those I left behind. To find closure and break free.  As the tears invade my human emotions and they emerge almost immediately blinding me, I hear the sounds of sweet surrender.

It's a repetitive dream because nothing will ever be the same.  It's a phase, a moment in time where a gap was created never to be filled, a void waiting for something to fill it's place.

As the night falls, so does the re-ocurring dream, taking me back many days ago...into the distance of coldness and as the stars mock my every move, guiding me like a spark of life into a frozen moment of youth.

Another night, another dream,...so fast, the rhythm of life moves my very core.

The life of a girl long-long ago left in total emptiness.  Now I gaze back to you trying to dismiss the dreams, yet as dreams re-occur I talk to you and you share your passions of love and journeys...it feels like a vision, reality of truth...

My heart beats a little faster, hearing you, seeing you in my dreams.  It dances lost in the night's understanding of truth, love, and passion and compassionate understanding.  As I close my eyes I see you standing there, your image, your eyes staring back at me.  As silence itself you refrain from sharing your heart's desire, regardless your eyes translate your ultimate passion to never forget about this person - this young girl trapped in a world of distance and dances...

I dare to take your hand and walk with me as the sand brushes away through our feet.... It's only a vision of the young me gazing back to me wishing to meet half way. 

Yes, sounds insane for me to say such things, however, it was a stage of life where it left me without that important part of who I am... That void was left open and as the dreams come, they try very desperately to seal the gaps, heal the wounds, and empathize with a wonderibg soul.

"...and the ghost became me, identifying the moments of love, passion, and youth...the ghostly emotions became the nourishment of a day's inspirations to become a better person...as she was starting back at me..." 

A moment to Live

It has been a strange week. Lots to do, business at work... 

On another note, the giant woke last weekend, the heart felt a sudden drive. It was a strange beat, the heart began palpitating a little faster, the stomach felt uneasy, and the...nerves seemed to twitch everywhere...

It was like the heart got raptured into a world of illusions, dreams, and sudenly they became real...

It has been an exciting last few weeks. Lots of great progress in my life, work, and of course my ego has been renewed! Not sure that is a good thingg or not. It is more like I have been empowered, set free, a huge burden has been lifted and my heart and mind has been set free.

God knows what HE does and the many blessings He sends is because HE has showed us HIS truths.

On the other hand, there have been a few up and downs, however not sufficiently impacting to re-adjust this positive note.

God is great and although my heart has strayed and is still trying to find a way back to HIM, He has not let me down or forgotten about me, my family, and friends.

With that said, I would love to have you pray over my household, for wisdom, mental sanity with all of the craziness around us, and of course for us to continue to seek more of HIM. And also to remind us that regardless of all the tests to our hearts, that HE Will lead us through safety and unison.

LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES, you never know what you are going to get until you take the first bite! 

 

Crippled Heart

There are things that are difficult to say and others who flow almost immediately and fluently... 

Today, I am not myself. It's an overwhelming feeling of distance. My soul is floating somewhere, taken as if by a breeze that took a fresh new spirit of life out someone. It feels as though my corpse, my dried carcass is simply carrying out a duty and it is moving by default and inertia, not by any desire of wanting to be there.

The mind is absent, the body is not.

....There are moments in life when all else means nothing.

Its been a few dificcult last few days, hard to explain, but just have not been my energetic self. My world seems grey and un-real. 

It is equally difficult to say I am thankful. Life at this moment has no meaning and my motivation flushed somewhere. 

My heart feels crippled. This is the first time I can honestly attest to feeling such coldness and not be able to trigger the conspirator of my low energy. 

My smile has been placed on temporary leave, my energy took a dive, and my thankfulness for a daily's journey has vacated the premises.

This is by far the first time I will post something of this nature and of my weakness. It's unusual, to feel a void. To feel defeated by whatever it is that is pressing down on me.

I have lowered my head and bent the knees, have thrown my arms down and simply wait.  Feels as though those most important simply have taken a route of forgetfulness and distance. 

Today, I am not myself, and the inner me, cries out to find that joy and sunshine around me. It is rather abnormal and very sureal to feel this crippled. 

The muscles of my face are tense, waiting eagerly to smile, my ears to hear your voice and my heart to feel your peace. Today more than ever, I am in need of YOU! 

"There comes a time, where pride must be set aside, where the tears must roll down the path of endless ventures and simply let go of what is known and untrue..."

Amarte con toda Naturaleza

"...el amor... Te captiva, llenandote de muchas sensaciones y locas iluciones.."

Love, its a standard term used to express someone's inner sensations, emptions, feelings for the oposite sex (or same sex - now a days all is fair game, or so it seems).  This word is becoming less and less efective, with no meaning and no true definition. 

"I love you, love that, love this..." Really, when it comes to hearing those words without the truth of sincerity, without that additive emotion that suggests the depthness of honesty, it becomes stale. 

In a sense, I can say i am highly blessed to know and be familiarized with multiple languages. To the point where I can sincerely and honestly define my love with more sentiments, passion, pureness of a sincere and truthful heart, not to disqualify that someone who only speaks one language can not express with clarity their message of love.  

Seems that now a days we "allocate" the word we want to use to refer to a love one... Someone we cherish and admire, an individual who makes us feel complete, whole, and want nothing less than ro feel those butterflies each time... We choose a term of kindred spirited thoughts to define "love"

"You are my sweet pea, my teddy bear, "the one", the spirit of my soul, the jewel, my princess/prince..." We hear these used commonly, my "honey." These are those replacements to say "I love you."

What is your chosen word?

So yes, for me, LOVE is amar passionately, whole heartedly and be fully involved :)

The below is a random "poem or expression of my heart.."

"Amarte es la dulsura de mi paladar...
la miel que acarisea mis labios...
besar tus labios y perderme en un mundo de sueños y colores...
Llegar a ti y sentir el aroma de tu ser, vestir tus iluciones, y soñar despierta en tus brazos...
....eso es amarte a ti..."

"Ver el brillo de tus ojos reflejar tu mundo...
Ver como apasionadamente me gritan los deseos de tu corazon... 
Amarte, es sentir como mis pies se elevan al cielo...
sentir que mi cuerpo pierde todo peso y se eleva lentamente con solo tu mirada...

"Amarte, es tenerte tan cerca sin importar la cuan lejos estes de mi... 
Amarte significa caminar las tierras de este mundo junto a ti...
Volar entre los vientos, seguir tus huellas hasta el fin del mundo....
desafiar las olas del mar, y seguir la luz del Sol...

"Amarte tanto parece ser un pecado...
Una ilucion, una mentira de mi mente...
Sentir tu presencia sin que estes ahi...
Amarte es un deseo de mi corazon...
Intentando llenar un espacio tan vacio
Tan triste...
Amarte es morir de amor...

2014 a New Season Of life

Its already January, the "resolutioners" have come out and have found some kind of motivation for the month to do something for themselves and try to uphold that "personal goal/promise."

I don't have a personal "resolution" for this year. I have a LIFE resolution to meet and continue to up hold. Sure, many of you could disagree that everyone works towards the same motives and life expectations, the "normal" things of life.  I must ask you though, "are they really normal for everyone?"

What is my Life Resolution: to continue to be that tool of God, to be that transparent, unselfish individual who strives to better herself in the personal arena, spiritual, and financial.

2013 was yet another year of trials and tribulations. As you might have read, I tend to get lots of "tests of Faith" and often I sit there wondering, "really God?" How many more tests of Faith must I overcome to show you and all those skeptical souls out there that I can doall through YOU? That it is not my strength, but rather the strength you have given me.."

Time and time again I have managed to work that inner strength to do what is right, just, and strive for perfection.  While it is highly unachivable, it's a motivational self desire to want to become greater at everything. To work towards becoming that virtous woman of Proverbs.

2014 has already started with many great opportunites, work wise and personal.

This year, my ultimate goal is to have a plan, to have a nest of my own. To accept the small details of love, to cherish those given to me, and to renew that inner spirit of abundant love!

Most of you have known me for a few years now, I am very sporadic and am always appreciative of the gifts and talents I am able to share.  Many of you know, I am not your tipical average woman. There's more in me than you can imagine. 

I am blessed to have a strength of a wonder   woman, the speed of flash, the memory of Jane, and the patience of Ghandi. The thirst and hunger for adventure as Odysseus, am still learning on wisdom and selfishness :) (sometimes we need a little "me" time).

While I may not be "glamour" andfilled with   vanity, I leave the mundane worldly needs to those who hide behind layers of base and foundation... I wear the only beauty I was given. This is not for everyone, you must learn to accept the real you :)

I am that woman, who loves being herself and explore the world through any given means.  When I think about how many little talents God gave, I often wonder if God was humored when he began to put me together :)

He said, "I will make My MARIA special. She will be a chef by heart and taste, she will be an atlete by passion, she will be a writter by instinct, a survivor and warrior by choice, and she will be a mother by love... She will be my complete MARIA.  Creative, a giver of heart, a complete individual of self discovery and love..."

Like i said, I do belive God was humored :) and as the new year advances, I can only wish and hope to excel in establishing this year's purpose and determining where God wants me to be. If I can be of any inspiration to anyone or continue to be inspired by others...

Each year, as I sit and reflect of past years, I do feel God finds His ways of tweaking things in my life. Giving me new adventures, meeting more amazing people, being the true and honest ME... 

While I do plan on working on a few major projects, it is God's will and not mine. Hence I can only do what is humanly possible to be that woman of excellence.

Again, look back at the many routes and deviations my life has undergone... I have crossed many bridges, have climbed many walls, and have dug many graves to lay to rest the unecessary obstacles and decaying portions of life...

If you really think about it....you never fully get where you need to be, there's always something missing in that depth of your soul..we always want more, want less... Or want to discover more... You never reach that point of "completion" of full achivements. Something will always be "pending" in our lives... Try to fulfill those within reach and leave the untouchables for later...

I do believe that even in the death beds, I will probably question myself and say, "I never did this or compmeted that..." Its all human, to torment your soul with the unecessary things, yet, we want them.

..so here it is to 2014, may it be a surprise of abundant love, discoveries, enchantments, and of course purity in all! May I obtain an inner peace and strive for the best and nothing less.." 

Cheers! 

Time - "A Season To Plow"

"...And my soul danced beneath the bathing sun, my feet dug into the warmth and moist homeland... my nose rejoiced in the most delightful of smells of a recently plowed field.."

It was a hot and humid day.  The heat waves could be admired and appreciated by the distortion of images it created.  The sun was fierce, yet so delighting to sense the absorption of life itself become one in their bodies.

The cows had retreated towards the shades of the tiguilote trees.  There they could lay, swinging their tails as they shooed the flies off their face. You could even appreciate the nerves of relaxation as the cows' skin trembled as if a mini earthquake took place in an attempt to evade the flies and keep them off their landing gears.

Yet, as peaceful and un-eventful as a hot-lazy summer day seemed, across the fields ran the 5 ninos. The small wavy figures danced across the heat of the sun, racing top speed almost sprinting to catch safety from the scorching sun.  Their bare feet were accustomed to the hot and humid dusty-rocky trails.  One by one they crashed underneath the shade, dramatically collapsing and wiping their sweaty foreheads leaving the dusty-smeared fingerprints as they giggled away all at once almost to the point of exhaustion.

Their giggles and laughs were so mischievous, you could sense right away they were up to no good.  The plotting began, the grins on their faces stretched and their eyes glimmered away with emotion. Their glittery eyes reflected the joyful adventurer's desire to broaden their imagination of more excitement and memories of glorious glee. so they planned...

In that very moment , off into the distance you could hear the engine roar with might.  The dark figure moved horizontally back and forth, making careful turns.  To the kids bewilderment their hero was behind the wheel, their Papa Chico steered the tractor with such strength and yet with delicacy.  His straw hat looked damped from the sweat, the old man looked dehydrated, yet he had a mission: to finish plowing the land before the sun took refuge into the world of the unknown...a world of the un-inviting mystery and suspense.

As the tractor kept getting lowder, it was was evident it was getting closer..the children could see and admire how the blades were turning, plowing the land with high intensity, a new gadget capturing the amazement of the five minos.

They were fascinated...

The smell of the fresh dirt was so aromatic. It was powerful...it was as if the land knew that it needed to be fully impregnated into the memory of these nińos..it seemed as if the Land was predicting a future desire to want to bring back these nińos from their future, to become part of that memory of that frozen time...

They sat, they smelled, inhaling the goodness of their beloved land...

As the tractor plowed, so did the birds rejoice, hovering and flying low they stroke the soft dirt feasting with delight...picking at the fresh plowed land for any sign of food.  They flew in and out, and yet as loud as the tractor was, they seemed mesmerized by their hunger and need to replenish their energy...the engine roared with great might one last time until it finally came to a complete stop. Almost immediately, the children signaled with enthusiasm and high energy, off they dashed into the fresh plowed land, feeling as their feet dug into the fresh moist dirt.  dancing among the birds, swinging their arms freely, and carrying their joyous moments...they danced...moving their feet and jumping from the perfectly crafted rows...the dirt squeezed between their toes, it was as if their feet were dipping into the river bank and feeling the fresh water caress their toes with the current.

The vast land of freedom was open to their imagination.  It was a glorious manifestation of peace, purity, joy and the glittery laughter of all nińos cheered as they embraced their papa Chico while receiving the feel of a hard worker's moist...sweat, it was all in unison and love.

As they took a brief brake to spend that quality moment with their Papa Chico, to see his face, see the sweat roll down the wrinkles of his face, it was like staring at a king of decades ago....the wisdom lines expressed in his face, the burnt skin reflected of a man's hard dedication to provide for his family.  There they sat, feet up, arms up against their knees, and they listened to the sounds of the palpitating hearts...starting into the distance of a world of wonders as if eluding the current status into the thin air of magnificence and heavenly splendors, they daydreamed...they sipped water from a Cantaro [water jug], each taking turns and passing the jug around.  It's irrelevant to mention, that although the kids were amazed by the presence of such magnificent "toy," they refrained from touching the tractor.  It was silently acknowledged that they needed not be mischievous with artifacts that was beyond their comfort zone.  So they respected that and had no interest in "steering" or cracking the tractor on.

Oh the smells of purity, there the five nińos played in their sanctuary to their heart's delight, to satisfy their hunger for adventures as they absorbed the memories in the making while going along. So there they played, in their backyard of love...they enjoyed every moment and every minute...creating the moments of miraculous purity

"...as the vapor of a hot humid day began to disintegrate into the thin air, the sun hid his face, the cows and critters evacuated to their retreat and dome, so were the memories stored into the soul of the five nińos, instilled in the depth of their innocence of a life filled with sacrifices of learning..."