I for one have failed drastically at being real and truthful to myself and have disappointed not only myself but others. Life has thrown many curve balls my way and I have tried to dodge as many, yet I know that the best way is to observe, be patient, and hit that perfect home run. How do I do this again? Never played softball, so its a challenge! I can bat, but its not the same thing! There are rules, strategies, and plays to make...uhmmm, help?
I am uncertain about a lot of things except for one: change must come. I have to be brave and be a woman of truth and courage. I have to make the changes take place if I want to see myself overcome a lot of these downfalls.
To learn is to also give up the tormenting parts of life. Its been a long road, difficult, cannot complain as I know these have been tests of faith and courage...remind me again who am I doing this for? Right, myself. My dignity and self respect!
Its been a mad roll-a-coaster ride and trust me, I hate roll-a-coasters! things have been upside down for way too long and its time I took ownership of my life, value myself a little more and respect my own dreams and desires. To value myself in the way others have failed to appreciate me and the little/big deeds I have gone out of my way to do for them. Again this is part of that "expectation" I failed at. I gave whole heartedly, expecting nothing, yet deep within me, thought, well maybe they will notice my hard work or sacrifice! Wrong. The more I do, the more they want.
Not sure why and all of the sudden I have been faced with many challenging situations, I have had my feelings crushed time and time again. Have easily dismissed those episodes and try to be the better person, however, its time to riot and stand up for what I want, to crown myself owner of my life and set my soul free. To be victorious and fly among the clouds, feel my imperfections and appreciate my honor and strong will.
Its a hard task, its not easy being in my shoes, however, have learned that I must take ownership of my lack of decision making and also acepting my failures. I cannot be proud of life and proud in an arrogant way to say i have succeeded would be major downfall- when in reality I have nothing to show for.
Yes, I have achieved many beautiful and wonderful attributes of life, my skills and abilities of being a full blown woman: with honesty, sincerity, faithfulness, and of course the plus of who I am... A kindred spirited individual who seeks to do best for others and be a leader. However, I know I am still missing half of me, my God and Savior...
I expect a huge rush of emotions and I will have a huge gap and huge hit to my heart...we will see what happens, but this time GOD IS IN CONTROL.
I have handed over my worries, heart and soul to HIM.
He is the crafter of my life... make me broken, mold me and help me reach that part of life... Where you want me to be. Reveal the truth in me. Reveal my reality and dreams. This is my prayer to you my Lord.
I trust in YOU my Lord, my guidance. Everything will be ok.
