Countless Blessings

I have not written in a while, I have put this blog off for a few months now.  So here I am, once again, attempting to recap what has been going on in this crazy world of mine.

I have long put this off, but here is what I have been meaning to write:


LUCAS - el muñeco mas amado (the most lovable baby)

Lucas was born October 12th, 2010.  I have been too busy to mark this very important date! Our first nephew in the family, the cutest, most amazing baby ever! (I mean all babies are cute, but my Lucas is precious). 

Day by day, I am reminded of his most amazing feautures: the radiant Fuentes smiles, the handsomeness of a little man (both from his dad and mom), the little-big head (GENEOUS), and that little spot right on top of his head: its a little white speck of hair that stands out more as he spends time in the sun fishing with his mom and dad.  Yes, Lucas is the light of our eyes! The reason to come together and celebrate the joy of life, family, and purity!

I love him as if he were my own (then again, I love all babies as if they were mine).  God has blessed us tremendously with him in our lives.  More so, I think God has united our family and we have become closer to each other because of the love and affection we give to our Lucas.

I could not be happier! Well, we do have another nephew/niece on the way! Then again, we will wait upon God's blessing for that little life to become the center of attention as well.

There are actually no words to describe how much I love Lucas.  I am the proudest Tia! ( I am sure I can claim that without my sisters or Allison's sister getting competitive on that :)  Lucas is now 7months old, has two lower teeth, two upper teeth coming out (huge), and a molar...what?? seriously? Then in May 16th, he decides to say "dada!" He pulls his own weight to stand, he wakes up standing on his crib (so I am told)! Is it me or is this baby growing way too fast? He is using 9month old gear! What's wrong! hahaha.

The point, I am so proud of him for being such a smart baby, more so proud of my sister-in-law Allison who spends countless hours nurturing this baby to be and have this smart personality! He is so active, loves to smile and hardly ever "pouts"!  My brother and Allison have him in swimming lessons - oh dear, what a cute little fish he makes! And when he splashes, let's out the cutest of screams, as if he were advancing victoriously in the swimming Olympics!

Lucas loves STRAWBERRIES!!! We spent mother's day at Boone Hall Plantation and he just enjoyed himself, and of course we all enjoyed him! See pics below. 

I am soo thankful to God, my brother and his wife for giving us this piece of joy in our hearts, the love, the kindred spirited Lucas who illuminates our faces with gigles and smiles of all sorts.  Thank you Lord.  I love my nephew and will love on him for years and years to come.

And this is where the SHOCK comes in, it is may 25th, and this baby went from "DADA" to "ALL DONE!" yes, you did read correctly! Lucas, what's wrong with you? LOL! he is growing way too fast and I am not getting all that loving...jajajaa... I am soo proud of him for being so smart! And of course proud of my borther and his wife for the passion, dedication, and love they give him! That is why he is so smart! Not to mention he is the most spoiled baby ever! Has his grandpapi wraped around him, his Grandmami melts with love for him, and his Tios - just play with him like crazy! And then he has his Tias...boy, oh, boy, he has several Tias to run to for SUGAR, veggies (?), and hyperness!!! (that would be me ;-)

All in all, this baby is one of my countless blessings.

MOTHERS - And here I present you with several mom's: birth, love, nurishment, compassion, and accountability.....

God has blessed me with the gift of a mother naturally within me - I have those emotions, the love, the kindness within to give unconditional love to any kid...one day I will be that guiding light to a child who needs healing through love....

Where did I learn all that? God provided me with several mother's throughout my life.  Yes, I am sure some of you believe in just 1 mother, I have had several.  Where are they now? They have become me...

My mother of birth - she was one tough nut to crack.  Yes, God gave mea mother who despite the hardships of life, did all she could to provide for her kids, to give her everything, to put aside her life and let her blood flow for ours...although she made the ultimate sacrifice to come to the USA and left us motherless, we never ever were alone...first off God was there watching over us, then HE placed our Angel Papa Chico.  Later on, my second mother showed up in my life...Mama Cata...My birth mother made the ultimate sacrife that no mother should ever have to do....doing what she did, going through what she did...could not mention it would be too surreal for anyone to understand...including me....she did all that and more....what bravery, what a mother....I admire that strength...that power, that determination and strength to set aside her personal life, her personal emotions to seek out what was best for us.....

Mother of Love - for every stage of life, we loose something, we gain something greater.  We simply have to be willing to accept that change and grow with the seasons of life and flow with that current.  Mama Cati (mama Catocha), she became my second mother to me and my siblings. God placed her there to be that fortress, that angel to keep us warm on cold nights...she was there to restore that love and care for us in part of the absense of our mother.  Slowly you will learn more and more about these seasons of our lives.  More so I write this because Lucas one day he will want to know...and if one day I am blessed with a baby, he/she will want to know the roots of his/her mom and family.  I could go on and on..but slowly you will learn this from me..

Mother of Nurishment - This is our mother once we arrived in the USA.  our Puerto Rican mother, the woman who despite our hard heads put up with us and gave us her love...treated us as her kids and nourished our minds with discipline, education, kept us in line all through school - college...and the now... she became that mother at that/this stage of life.  Although sometimes it is hard to keep up with so many mothers, I am still blessed to have all of them as part of my life....

Mother of Compassion/Accountability - this one is hard...hard to wrap up how from nothingness, became everything. She was my mother role, a friend, and a sister all in one.  A friend whom I came to and shared my "guy interests to," the one who spent countless hours awake waiting for me to be home from a night of movies and friends...the mom who woke up at 2am and drove across all of Charleston to pick my friends and me after being left stranded by "SCORCHY" (my car) in the middle of Hwy 17 in Mount Pleasant.  Yes, she is my mother of compassion and accountability...although no longer in my life, God knows she is still as much part of my life as ever will be...I will respect her, love her, and will continue to pray for her and her stages of life.....a love that regarless of what happened in between....will remain alive in my heart...yes Elizabeth, I do love you like the mother, sister, and friend you were then...thank you for that!

So see here, I'm awarded mother's for every stage of my life...right now, I am an orphan...or perhaps I am becoming that mother figure to someone and am no longer needing a mother to look after me....God has blessed me countlessly with such love, such faithfullness from those around me....and thus I am the person I am today....(although at times I don't feel like myself)....but here I am, slowly becoming that someone...that mother figure to someone out there....maybe that someone is searching for me? Then again, I feel as though I already have been that mother....when our mom left, my youngest siblings needed me,when we lived with Mama Cati I was like her in every way, when we got to the USA, my step-sisters needed me, when I moved in with Elizabeth, her girls needed me....so do we call it even? Not quite yet.....I know God has more in store....

There, God's countless blessings just seem to put off all that negativity that has been around me lately.  Yes, I am not perfect, my world is not perfect. I don't have all of the goodies (materialistic items), don't have the luxuries of this vain world, but I have the greatest gifts...a peace within of abundant love, compassion given and inherited through the different stages of my life.  The love of my husband who continually reminds me that it is ok to be human and to make mistakes, to be tough and get up...it is a tough road we are traveling, but together and with God's help, we will overcome these trials and tribulations.  And so, I rest my case....the abundance of my blessings satisfy and overpower the negativity within those around me.

Thanks to you my Lord for giving me such a patient heart! I will press on and continued pushing forward to become that woman of excellence...earning my rewards...and accomplishing the requirements needed to survive daily on this harsh world of mine.....

Lucas, ready for strawberries

Destroying those strawberries :)



Normal smiles from Lucas!! Mom and Daddy!



Gasping for Air

"Slowly the pulse weakened, she grew faint...fraile...on the verge of fainting...light became darkness and the voices faded away...."


Everyone has a passion of their own, people identify with their football teams, basketball, some naturalists with mountains, others with rivers or plainly the out doors.  I identify with soccer.  It's a passion to feel the adrenaline rush, the emotion of getting the ball in complete control, making the right moves, calibrating the strength and force used to send the ball across the field and scoring a GOAL.  That's what get's me going and whatever negativity lies within, tends to make its way out once I set foot on that green field-all perfectly lined with fresh paint!

The scent of the grass, the paint, and seeing the soccer ball rest in the middle of the field drives the blood in my vains at high speed.  That's what I LOVE.  To take out whatever negativity attempted to infiltrate into my system, to invade my mind, soul, and well-being and leave it there in that field.  I love to reject it with a hard kick and into the NET.

IT does not matter the circumstances, the voices that speak of vile terms, the venom spilled over me...it matters none.  Everything is left there on that field, to take out whatever stress has invaded me or whatever has come my way.  I play to relieve those emotions, to detoxicate my well-being...it's my haven, my world of "Solitude." It is in that place where my mind goes blank and resets into soccer mode and my competitive self comes out. 

Sure this makes absolutely no sense to some, to me this is my Yoga! The source and strength to look forward to! I may not have the skills, the moves, or the speed, but I have the passion within.  I also identify myself not with the greatest soccer player: Messi nor Forlan, but rather with Caseres: he's a maniac, can't deliver the ball, but does not give up on a lost ball! I don't loose sight of my objective: having that ball in my control, neither does Caseres. 

This is definately the most random note ever, however, I know that many out there could use a little motivation to dig inside themselves and find that passion.  To get out of being a couch potatoe and do something active, to move, and be an example to others.  I love to be active, proactiv, and using my abilities to better myself and perhaps along the way grab a few folks with me. 

So why the random quote above? It is because I get so competitive that often I drive myself too hard and forget that I am only human and have my limits.  Yes, I have blacked out before during soccer "practices" not a good feeling, but who can deny that having that adrenaline rush doesn't feel good! lol.


LET's MOVE AMERICA! ps. personal pet-peeve: all the fast food places everywhere and everyone indulging very glutenously over such foods.  Drives me insane and the thought makes me gag. :/

AFLOAT

"And I slowly closed my eyes, my mind ejecting into a world of peace...passing through the impressionate, delicate white curtain...as if walking through soft clouds; my mind got lost deep into the esence of tranquility..."

CAPTIVATED

Inspired by listening to Enya - Willows on the Water

I am swimming, in the slippery waters of life.  With each passioniate stroke, my heart beats ever so excitedly knowing that I am closer to being with the lover of my soul.  Slowly my arms make way, they reach for HIM.

Swimming at a slow pace...this here is my journey, one day, one night, like two separated lovers seeking to embrance each other...so fierce is the beating of my heart...We’ll meet once AGAIN...

                I am swimming, past the breath taking willows leaning against the vivid currents of life, delicately caressing my face as I pass enroute to meet my lover.

                The currents begin to get fierce; the waters muddy, there are many obstacles along the way, stronger are my desires, my needs to emerge to finally meet HIM.  Not giving up, I struggle to keep A FlOAT.  Pushing aside the debris, overcoming the cold shivers running down my spine, I fight the battle of conquest. 

                My Dream, my hope, my desire is to stay on this trail, to keep fighting the good fight, to eventually reach the calm soothing crystal waters...is this just the beginning or am I nearing the end? Does everything follow this one direction, or is there a detour waiting ahead?

                Just keep swimming, just keep your head afloat, breathe, and don’t loose sight of that faint bright star...ever so distant, but there’s still hope...there’s one way...keep your eyes fixed on that guiding light...

                Adrift I go....carried by the strength of the current....taking hold of positive spirits... when all hell breaks loose, breathe, call out to HIM and never give up on any battles of faith....Hold onto the floating logs for support...they will hold you...they will keep you afloat for just a little while. Just remember to keep your heart and sight on HIM...

Written:  Lunch break, Friday, October 22, 2010

MINUTAS

"A brave heart will fight great battles, will learn to stand and continue to push forward when the nature of life brings it down...a brave heart, will work hole-heartedly and sustain itself...no matter what tests of faith knock at its door..."

MINUTAS On the Weekends

Last night I was thinking of minutas, I have not written a story about this yet, but I will come back to this topic or reference it later on.  What is a Minuta?

Minutas are shaved ice with colorful sugar, sprikled with different topings, and or caramel.  Mom used to make the best sweets to be poured on Minutas.  She was a pro! Back in El Salvador, in Zacatecoluca, mom used to sell Minutas and other items at soccer games.  As a little girl, there was nothing I loved more than to be there with her selling Minutas and helping her shave the ice. 

Hot days were awesome to sit under a shady tree and relax the day away sipping from the sugary contents of the Minutas.  Mom would make the syrup from Tamarindos (a type of seed), and once poured on the shaved ice, it froze for just a few seconds and then melted down to give the savoury taste of unity in the ice. 

I want one, one of those we ate when we were kids and sat at the roots of the mango trees, played with other kids from the area, and ran freely just lost in our world of imaginations.  I want a minuta, to bring back the refreshning touch of life into my soul, to wake me up to that world of laughter and silliness. 

My favorite type of Minuta was the cafe con leche (coffee and milk).  The ice we shaved was a huge block of ice as tall as me and probably even heavier...It was a perfect square and I stood on a little stool made of bricks and shaved the ice for my mom.  I felt useful when I helped and earned myself some recognition to being a little helper. 

Oh, the Minuta days! I miss heading to the market and buying the HUGE BLOCK OF ICE :)

I am feeling a bit melancholy and was driven back in time by some words that came into my mind:  MINUTAS!

Somtime I will write more on this so you can get a full view into what it is and how it works.  I provided some insightful information, however, there's more to it. 

Adobe Smell - Mi Casa

"Let the heart sing, scream, cry in exhaultation...let the body be richly nourished and developed...through lessons given to prosper....Let it plant the seeds of wisdom and root it's foundations with the purest of knowledge..."

EL TRABAJO DEL ALMA  

My mind has taken a trip into the past...seems as though every day I miss ever so much the smell of wood burning in the distance, the fresh air on a cool morning, the view of morning glories over crowding the bushes and trees, the smell of our adobe home....the quietness and aroma of fresh ground coffee or hot chocolate freshly grounded from the coco-beans.  I breathe this air- this reality, but it is not the same.  I long to feel the cool breeze caress my skin to comfort me and tell me that everything will be okay.  I miss those days, where worry was not part of our vocabulary, where survival was merely an instinct and not an occupation.

My mind has ejected my dull body, has evacuated the premises of daily routines.  Off it goes into the thin air seeking for the spices of life.  I want to be sprinkled with the seasons of joy, laughter, family, and the aweness of happyness...of the days of innocense.  I long to feel the cool splash of fresh well water in my sleepy face, to see the birds flying freely in their natural environment and hear their joyeous melodies in thanksgiving! To hear the dogs bark as they stretch their sleepy body as if getting ready for a long day’s work.  I miss you, I miss touching the roughness of compiled adobe bricks, I miss leaning my head against the dusty edges and breathing your scent and storing your memory in my lungs.  I miss you, my home, my work, my life.  From the day we dug the well, to the days we labored mixing the mudd with our feet, adding water, shoveling dirt, to finally and carefully filling the square moldings...we were there till you finally dried.  I miss you, more so now, than ever before.  You were my shelter, you were everything.  You heard me cry, you saw me laugh, and you protected us during hail storms, strong winds, and protected us from the outside world.  You kept us in a world of imaginative securities and adventures.  You were our establishment, the foundation of our own existence...you rooted our hearts into the earthly walks covered with prints of our hard efforts to build you.

I miss you, because you stood there no matter what the circumstances.  You were patience with us even when we abandoned you and left to go to San Miguel, you waited.  Upon our returns, you offered us your love, your protection.  Because even though we experienced the hardships of life, you were there and embraced us with your might.  Oh, how do I miss sitting inside you, to reflect upon a day’s work, to close my eyes and know you are watching over me.  I miss you, and miss your edges, the window that once served as an escape route, and the ceilings that once became my “tree” house.  I miss hugging up on your pillars, and sit there under a rainy day.   Oh, so magestic you stood there, proud, and ever so welcoming.  It was there where I learnt to cook, learnt to be a woman and leave behind the childhood of a little girl....it was there where our hearts in unison silently wep the desire to have our mother with us...to have our father closer...it was there where we felt and were alone.  Our hearts were empty, but you kept us secured...

You were the best home I have ever had.  Now, I long to have you back, to feel you protecting me, to give me the peace of mind to lie down and feel safe and secure.  I miss you ever so much my adobe home.  You served your purpose; however, I have heard you were torn down to make space for something new.  Forgive me for not saying goodbye.  I wished I had taken a piece of you to have kept and to remind me of how wonderful you were in my life and that of my siblings.  I thank you, for your true love, comfort, and simplicity.  Your memory lives on in my mind, your smell is barely reminded on hot summer days while walking on dirt paths...but it is not the same.

“Como quisiera poder vivir sin aire, Como quisiera vivir sin agua, me encantaria quererte UN poco menos,

“Como pudiera un ave volar sin alas...como quisiera poder vivir sin ti....”

[Translated below]

“I wished I could live without air, I wished I could live without water, I would love to love you a bit lesser .... “How could a bird fly without winds....I wish I could live without you...”

This is a song by Mana, one that reminds my heart exactly what I miss and how much I long to have a piece of you, right at this very moment.  To hold you and keep you protected in a jewelry box - to whisper to you and tell you that you are everything to me, just as you kept us in perfect care.

**This was around 1991-early1993 when we built this home...together as a family, the drops of sweat rolled down our foreheads and the blisters in our hands showed much of our arduous labor...but our hearts and minds were set in one thing...to help complete the job.  To put into action our abilities and skills given to us to be men and women of values...this is where we learned the lessons of independency...to fight the battle and conquer the unattainable...we did it, we continue to be fruitful in our own independent ways...

Written:  Friday, October 01, 2010

Life, death, or a MANGO?

"Be smart, think before you act..."

IT was RED, Yellow, Green, and it sat Way ON TOP...

School was back in session. Summer was over and this meant no more fun.  Our mom had had our uniforms made and had left them ready for us.  I wore a kaki tube skirt with a white blouse.  My skirt made me look like I was constipated as I struggled to walk in it, much less run.  Victor had it easy; he wore kaki pants and a white shirt.  We were set for school.  Due to the lack of infracstructure, we walked long distances to school.  We walked on the dirt road, hitch hiking a ride here and there (only if the trucks would stop, which was almost never).  If not, we had to find short cuts to make it in time for our first class.

Our walk was lonely most of the time, as it was just Victor and I.  Sometimes our neighbor Levira would walk with us, but she was much older than us and she was much faster, so keeping up in a tight skirt was just beyond possible.  We walked past a Catholic Church and everytime, we would Persinarnos (do the cross on our body), as an acknowledgment of our faith.  On occassions we would go up the stairs, make reverence, and ring the bell (with the Reverend's permission).  The church was so unique, it was small but it stood there so firmly and made its presence known.

We also went pass this place we called El Molino in Los Reyes which is where if we had high quantity of cooked corn to grind, we would bring to this place, wait in line and pay to make the dough for Tamales or any other large amount of grains we needed to grind.  At el Molino, there lived a lady who walked very weird, our guess was that she had a back problem or one of her legs was shorter than the other, however, what I remember the most was that some times everyone would make fun of her (our less compassionate classmates who would catch up with us).  She was matured, so she did not care, but rumors had it that she would chase whoever made fun of her when they walked alone.  She was an interesting personage and we all knew about her, but didn’t exactly know her.  I felt sad for her, however, I knew that she was much older than I and she understood that kids had no idea of what she was going through or how her deformity was a burden or not. 

After acknowledging our sorroundings we kept walking to school, past one of my mom’s nephew’s house and on we walked down the dirt road.  The school was brand new, it was two huge buildings separated by a field that was just about half of the soccer field.  One of our classes consisted in helping around the school to maintain it clean and to plant flowers and greenery.  La Escuela de Los Reyes - was in a different town than our home.  It was quite the walk; however, we managed as we imagined our own adventures and mischiefs throughout the walk.

After school would let out, we would take a short cut as a way to change the scenery.  We cut across "nice" people’s backyards, over the cercas (fences), and around malicious dogs.  Other classmates joined our walk and in a small group we ventured to cut across the dirt road and make our trip a bit more exciting.  One place we did end up crossing was the Molino’s backyard, they had the largest amount of land and it was just in front of us as a short cut.  In that land, there was a huge mango tree.  It looked lonely and the mangoes above were tempting and inviting our taste bubs.  The thought lingered in us and the savory, juicy taste of a riped Mango caresed our tongues.  Before we knew it, Victor had climbed the tree and told us to catch the mangos as he would cut them and stuff them in our back packs.  We were in the middle of our most mischieveous deed, stealing from a private property, and stealing a precious fruit, which to us it was far more inviting to steal from this place than to pick the mangoes from the trees that rested over the cementary where no one would care if we took a few.  However, these mangoes were the ones we wanted and not a mango that had grown through absorving the nutrients of someone's remains. 

We were so concentrated and almost ready to bite into a fresh cut mango when we saw death hollering at the top of his lungs, waving what looked like a scythe...it was a machete.  Scared for our lives, we grabbed the backpacks and took off running over the fences, through the thick bushy mescal plants, and into the cementary, there we hid.  Upon reaching safety, we realized Victor was left behind.  Slowly we returned to the scene of the crime, hidding through the thick bushery and searched the land for Victor, there was no sight of him anywhere.  Did he make it down the tree to run? Or did he get caught and the angry citizen stashed at him? We feared the worse as we could not see him.  Just as we were on the verge of crying as we were imagining the worse of things that could've happened...our anguished little hearts gazed blankly into the land franctically searching..... a Mango flew past our heads and landed with a loud thump on an old grave...we looked up into the tree, Victor sat way on top waiting for our signal of safety... he sat on a huge branch and covered himself with smaller branches! Smart! We were glad that he was ok, but our faces still had that blank stare...of fear and shame... The owner had been looming around as if like an angry dog waiting and anticipating some kind of action.  He was disgusted and we knew he had every right to be.  Just as the owner went back to his house, Victor climbed down, and all of us ran past the tumbstones and quietly walked the rest of the way home.  Although it wasn’t said, we knew we would not be taking that short cut for sometime until that angry, malicious guy was over it... we were tempted by our hunger to be able to take a sinfully bite into such a delicious fruit...it seemed as though they had never attempted to pick the mangoes as there were tons on the ground...they fell to their misfortune, to rot and be a composition, a nutrient to the ground...our guess was he liked it that way.

Upon reflecting on that day’s event, it was either our life, death, or a Mango.  We took life and the bonus, a Mango.  It was a lesson learned: to ask before we dig into our own acts,to be safe and be thankful for a fruit earned through permission, not through stealing.

WRITTEN: Thursday, September 30, 2010 @2:24pm (this story was started before this date though)

*pictured comes from google images (you can view different pictures of different mangoes there or use wikipedia).

A Silent Walk...

"A Breath of Fresh air gives hope for new beginnings..."

BE PATIENT
After all the series of unplanned events that have occurred in my life, things just seemed bleak and so distant.  And so, I decided to just go into a mini adventure of my own.  To walk down the sandy beach of Folly Beach...to breath the salty fresh air and release my inner spirit into the crisp cold evening...to wonder and roam the sights of wonders before me.

 Off I was without uttering a word, in pure silence and in awe of what has been so perfectly crafted in front of me...the cold waters splashing against the pier, the birds standing as if frozen on the sand, it almost seemed as if they were part of a garden...so carefully planted they stood there...without moving at all...the only movements came when the wind would interrupt such peacefulness blowing on their feathers as if it were a delicate petal being brushed by the sweaping wind.

My feet crushed the small sea shells as I walked on forward gazing into the distant and getting lost in thought to the sound of the waves, people laughing far behind me, and those riding their bikes along with their dogs running next to them...everything seemed so picturesque.  So at peace.  This is what I needed, a moment to reflect upon the beauty before me, to follow the sun as it began to sink behind the perfectlty lined beach homes.

I was absorbed by the delightful sun rays slowly fading into the distance, and gazing into the shadows of love...a couple playfully ran accross the sand as if tagging each other and together they jumped to cross a small puddle of salt water.  Ah, how fresh it felt and rejuvenating to feel the cold wind slap my face as if asking me to wake up and face reality as is.  To think that such moment only exists if we seek it...

That was what I needed, an awakening, a touch of refreshment joy.  A moment to reflect upon what God has carefully been laying infront of me.  To glance up into the Folly Pier and know, that for each structure there is a foundation, I have that foundation within me.  I simply had overlooked the details of such remarkable establishment.  Thus, it is set...God took that walk with me and held my hand...He pointed to the great master pieces He has been working on...and so, as any lover would do, He took my breath away just as the sun hid behind the beach houses...my shadow was gone, my feet were numb and so was my face, ears, and hands...time to head back to the car....

It was the most peaceful of moments I had had in the longest...It was just God and I...silently walking...silently loving on what He gave me...a life to fulfill and the wonders for me to use as a rejuvenation tool...to keep going and always know that HE is behind me and behind everything there is.....