Self Destruction

"Time and time again, we are learning to become humble, how to take the steps of humility, and how to talk humbly.  And so, she wore that hat, and used those shoes."

Once I heard a pastor said, "you have not yet arrived."  He is right, we will never come to that point in our lives where we will have complete knowledge of what is occurring in our lives, we will never get to a point where we are in complete control.  We can contribute to the fact, however, there is a greater power a greater means that keeps us under His outmost care. 

I have read several blogs from friends, from outside sources who share their experiences just to relieve the heart and soul...to pull that weight out and realease the pressure.  Although these bloggers may or may not know, they do in turn teach a lesson to someone.  I have definately learned a lot about how Transparency works.  There is this HUGE denial when it comes to expressing in full terms and complete honesty what our weaknesses are.  I fall under that category because I am afraid to experience Pitty.  I share my past experiences, my life stories for one purpose, to clean up the attic and dust my life away.

I am a very fearful person, more so like a coward for not owning up to my truthful thoughts and experiences. And becoming what most would call, an open book. If you are one of my readers, you will note I write in metaphors. Yes, that is because I do not want the wrong person stumbling into my own experiences and taking it towards the negative side of things. By that I mean, there are many twisted minds and who knows what they can make sense out of or not.

Talk about transparancy, well, I cannot reveal my complete experiences as of yet. There is soo much  I want to write about, so many events in my life, so many stories to share, however, I fear the pitty.  My life stories are all true, I do not write to seek self satisfaction, but rather want to express my gratitude to GOD because despite the difficult times, you can see HIS presence through it all.  I know most of my stories sound like stories from a book, from a creative mind, however, they are real.  I share them in the hope that someone may take a little piece of knowledge or perhaps stop and think about their own life and reflect on their own experiences and knowledge. Ask me, I can tell you. 

I have come a long way and there's still much learning to be done.  Funny as this may sound, I feel like Dracula, old and prunny, but when I learn more about God and when I satisfy this thirst of knowledge, I tend to rejuvenate.  No, am not a night owl, but rather a passionate minute to minute absorbing sponge.

I do have a question that perhaps anyone out there could throw me a piece of advice to:
When is it ok to burst out and say, I have had enough? Those who can't identify what humility is, mistake it for their own selfish needs...ignorant beings despite the ardous work one puts forth, will always want more and more, but where do you draw the line of being humble and allowing for the inner selfish being within oneself to come out and let out that fierce desperate cry to set oneself free?? Not making sense? Normal, have not put on my phylosophical hat on yet! T's you will see sometime soon!

Writting is my yoga, my zen, my dome, my heaven, my glass menagerie...it is my escape to elude the trecherous ways of perdition in daily bodily stress.

Again, I leave you with just this piece of blog...I do not like to write more than needed or sugar coat everything.  So, what I have is what it is. Take what you can and leave the rest up for reflection :)
"beyond the fleshy wounds, remainds a soul, hidden from the vicious wolves of today's society...feeding itself with the purest of knowledge, protected, but ready to take on a battle and stand proud..ready to overcome whatever worldly temptations that may rise up against it..I shall not fear the deeds of this world for I stand next to the pillar of my soul!"