Triste - Two hearts in two worlds

"And she came out of her balcony facing the sunset and stood up high, took a deep breath...tears rolling down her eyes, she gently closed them...her heart traveled miles and miles to meet him there...transporting her soul to the everlasting place of peace..." - Maria

I am pathetic. Being completely honest. I am pathetic. 

I am that person, who falls in love with the inner beauty of things, with the wonders of our creator, and most importantly have a profound love for my hubby.  Let me just go straight into the point, he is away, traveling in Uruguay while I am here a few 6000miles away, missing him like crazy.  Am I not pathetic? I did say it. 

This is a good thing.  It is good for us to have that experience so that we can learn to carefully appreciate the detials of our love for each other.  He traveled early this August till the 15th, 2011

Not sure if I needed to write this down, however, guess I will not go into more detials :) I do miss my amor.

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"And so her heart merged with the magical winds of purity carrying her emotions of love to him.  She revealed her heart with the eternal light and warmth from the Sun...."



NOTE: This took place in August, I had written this however, completely forgot to "publish" I guess that is very common for me because I have tons of "drafts."  Here is what I had written not much but it's something.

Abundant Life

"And she walked as quietly as she could, attempting not to make a sound...she stood there..feeling eyes all around her, as if a ghostly presence walked with her..."

God is everywhere.  You can hear Him when the wind blows across the fields, you can see Him when the trees sway at His magical touch.  He is everywhere, always being that faithful companion regardless of the human behavior...He is a true lover, faithful, and merciful.

When humans fail, friends, family, acquaintances...HE doesn't fail. 

The story goes something like this to interpret how God does not fail you or abandon you regardless of what you do, HE insists and patiently waits on you...

The Love that Never Existed

She walked the sandy beaches alone, admiring the beauty all around her.  Absorbing the most unexplaining joy, peace, and tranquility.  She walked non stop, dipping her feet in the foamy salty waters of the ocean.  Slowly she would bend to pick up the shells in total wonder and awe of the beauty and delicacy of such creation.  She walked...in search for the promised love her heart needed...her heart searched.

Her heart hidden behind a veil of uncertainty....

She was at peace, completely in love with HIS magestic promises, with HIS creations, the love that she needed was there.  She was blinded however, by the veil of worldly greeds, human love....And thus she spent many evenings, many sunsets patiently waiting....

Until one day he came across her path.  A mature young man with high promises and great manners, beliefs, morals, values...in her list, he could be the candidate God had prepared for her.  She waited.  Waited on God and this young man to make the moves....she waited...

It all unveiled right before her eyes, that her hopes, her expectations were not God's expectations.  This gentlemen seemed perfect, he knew the word of God left and right...he carried himself with perfect purity, yet she waited.  A friendship evolved, they were the perfect companions for each other, both loved to take trips to silent evenings on the salty waters, enjoyed being in silence next to each other...time flew, they grew fond of each other and closer, much closer to each other...yet, she had to wait...

In the end, she had waited...long enough or not, she had waited...but nothing.  He gained her trust, her love, they were best friends...yet she had grown a bit tired of waiting...thus she waited no more.  He walked away and she simply turned her head and continued in her path....she was blinded by her love for him.  She had given so much and invested so much, yet lost it all in a heart beat.  He walked away...........

LESSON

You see, she had so many expectations from this love, from this episode of her life.  She had trusted God with her whole heart, yet she felt betrayed...the man turned his back on her and left, yet God stood there next to her, telling her that It is IN HIS GOOD TIME not hers.

God is everywhere. She tried to find HIM in the wrong place and according to her expectations, her needs and desires.  It is a lesson that regardless of what circumstances we face in this life, rely on God our Father to know what it is true, what He has in store for us is different than what our human nature expects to receive.

God was always very alert, watching her heart very closely although she may have rebeled against Him.  He never left her side.  God is God and she is that instrument of love, an example of God's masterpieces at it's best. 

As Humans, we strive to accomplish our own desires, needs, and we forget that our life is manipulated by the sinful world around us.  We are monitored as the impulsive living organisms who act upon our own egocentrical, humanistic needs rather than to stop and listen to what God is saying to us....He touches our hearts daily, frequently reminding us that the BEST IS YET TO COME, to be patient, humble, and overall to be graceful and live in complete reverence to His magnificent blessings, His guidance, His abundant love.

Yes, we fail to trust HIM completely in every situation.  For as negative or as positive things seem, be grateful to HIM....it's HIS time, not yours. 

His eyes were always fixed on her..

"And she continued walking the desolate lands, breathing every bit of the rejuvenating touch of an evenings' crisp cool breeze...she was patient...God rewarded her with abundant life...."

Reflecting on Life's abundant lessons, of surving the daily tourture of becoming a world individual or surrendering what you are, who you are, and how you choose to live life..... A Reflection to remind the unwitty heart to keep waiting and be patient on God's deliverance.

La Carreta del Olvido "The Carriage of the Forgotten"

"The wind swayed their clothing, the branches brushed their hair, the leaves caressed their toughed skin...theirs smiles were worth millions and millions of jewels...their eyes glittered with the purest of joy...they had the life, they had the energy and love for each other that kept the circle of life moving forward..."

Slowly the wheel kept turning, almost churning the small rocks, while cracking the small dried brushery on the dirt road...sitting were the 5 niños. With an expression of bewilderment, excitment and joy, their eyes glimmered as the sun above them bathed their bodies. 

Off they went down the dirt road heading into town, composed of the one church without a steeple that was in the center of this almost square zone, the abandoned "mansion" that served as a temporary school, and the nun's house next to the grand mango tree in her front yard.  There were small living quaters for the farmers who woke before the roosters would sing and would carry their heavy tools to the farmland.  On the other corner was a well, the community well where everyone took their "CANTAROS" and filled their jars.  As was this small Almacen - mini warehouse or as one could say a grocery store, where anyone could buy the essentials.  Next to the church were warehouses used to store the corn, sesame seed, and rice saks and beans.

The small hands held tight, not that the Carreta would move fast, but from the bouncy road everyone swayed back and forth and side to side. The Carreta was pulled by two bulls, Papa Chico's fierce beasts, that was the extent of their speed.  The kids were happy, you could hear it from their joyeous laughter, their glittery smiles and glassy almost tearful eyes.  They all talked at once, they high fived each other and as the trees became lower and the braches brushed down on them they ducked laughing every time or jumping to grap a branch or leaf.  It was not a long trip, however, they enjoyed riding through the dirt road almost as delicately paved by the many cows and horses who would pass over it.  Although on occassions you could smell the brutal smell or cow & horse feces.  If you have an explorer's mind you can imagine that the kids would look down on the feces because in it would be the black beatles faithfully working...building a perfectly round ball that they would scoop up and take to their "home" for the winter hivernation.. such a laborious insect, a perfect crafter of poop.

If you haven't heard, cow feces, when dried would be the perfect method used to get rid of mosquitoes.  The kids could be seen walking in the LLANOS collecting the dried feces, then at night they used it as incense for the ferocious beasts of the night - the blood sucking mosquitos that attacked unmerciful.

Going into town, using the one resource everyone treasured was one experience no one would pass.  Although, if you walked across the neighbors field's you would reach the town faster on foot.  However, that took away the purest of joys, the pride of riding with your Papa Chico and all together laughing at life's moment of simplicity.  A life of innocence...where you lived one day at a time without the rush of a motor's contamination...where the worldly materials meant nothing, however nature was their treassure, their life, and the reason to wake up excitedly and rush out the house. 

They knew not the meaning of stress, nor the rush of getting through with "life's expectations," nor did they know the meaning of completing the expectation of life's society...it was their world, their life.  It was happyness at it's best.  Sure, there were necesities, yet they were satisfied.

Slowly the CARRETA reached the clearing, the road opened up into a "Y" and they turned...reaching yet another road.  This one much wider and transited by the cargo trucks that traveled longer and carried the people into the city and the markets.  The CARRETA was going to LAS BRIZAS, the kid's town, where their friends lived--such friendship where they all treassured each other...they were so close as if they were family members, such was the love for each other.

And there it went, the Carreta, carrying the precious cargo of the 5 niños, their grandpa Papa Chico, all in perfect harmony, unaware of the exterior world of temptations, of a fast paced society lurking at them.  As if staring at them like the God's in the Odyssey looking through the bowl filled with water...watching the kid's movements, taking note of their highly priced moments...just viciously lurking...like a raptor waiting for the pefect moment to pull them out and misplace them in a world of perdition...a sinful world of dos and don'ts, struggles, and constat fight for equality...they were taken like ants from their perfect environment and placed under the looking glass of society's menacing ways....

They reached town, and as if a ghostly presence took over them...they were no more.  Their faces, ears, feet, were blisttered by the new world...their life begun over again some 5000k miles from their hearts...




a pictured borrowed from Google images.



"And their dirt stained faces reflected the brightness of the sun...their bare feets tickled with the wind's mysterious touch, their laughs were carried in the form of an echo slowly disappearing in the LLANOS(bushery lands) alerting nature they were present.."

"SILENCE...i Kill u "

"Silence! "IIIIIII KILLLLL uuuuuuuuu" Says Achamed the Dead Terrorist from Jeff Dunnham.

Every day is a challenge in my life, a inner challenge to wake up and take ownership of my every day life.  To teach myself to be patient, to remind myself that "this too shall come to pass.."  it is easier said than done. 

Mornings for me are the most important. My soul craves the silence, craves the fresh start of the new day in complete reverence and ...silence....(sigh).  Most people whether they accept it or not, deep inside crave that very same thing: SILENCE. I have lost those rights long long ago...am now simply sighting back into time trying to bring back those days...

Oh ACHAMED....(the inexperienced suicide bomber...lol)

Here is my daily challenge: accepting that things are not what one wishes them to be.  That I have to become this numb being and ignore everything around me.  To try and try again and again to survive that very painful sound....why do I have such sensitive ears? If I am sleeping I hear the faintest sound coming across the house. 

Once, when I lived in Farmfield, I heard this faint noise...my heart grew excitedly..I knew what it was but was not willing to discover it.  I had heard the sound of a mouse crawling into something.  In deed, my ears were right.  Frightened to the sight of the hideous creature, I did what most would do in order to survive and avoid being kidnaped by such a monstrous, untouchable, most despised creature....it was worse than seeing a ghost! My heart froze in fear but had a determination to win this battle. 

Yes, I can hear what someone out side says even if  I am in an upstairs bedroom.  Somehow my ears pick up the faintest of sounds.  It can be good, or it can be bad.  It is good because I know and am able to identify trouble.  It is equally filled with disadvantage because that makes me a light sleeper...(except if I am super tired...beyond my own body's extent).

God knows I want to be straight up and speak my mind.  AGAIN, it is not yet time to do so.  He must direct my words and choose them wisely. 

And so, I leave it in your hands my Lord, that I can learn to smile all over again.  That my heart can experience the simple joy of laughing.  I have lost those expressions of a joyful me.  The lines of my face are lines expressing the neglect of laughter, they are of a cranky individual who continues to search for something meaningful in this life.  I am in that search.... 

"And her face became covered in lines of antiquity, of selfish needs, and simply of a life lost in this world of great turmoil....she was alone...."

Mamon...What is that?

"Venture into the unknow with an open mind and dare to explore life's mysterious wonders..."

Have you ever discovered an item, fruit, or have experienced a belwildered moment?

QUENEPAS/MANONCILLOS/MAMONES

The Heck? Right? What am I talking about? It's a fruit, a tropical fruit that grows on trees.  It's rather a comical looking fruit.  If ever you came across such tree you would think twice about trying this fruit, because you may not know what it is.

Oh, this brings back such memories, the many times as a kid I choked with the seeds.  The many times my mother stuck her finger in everyone's throat to pull out the seed. Forget the hamlock manuever, mom went stright in and pulled it out! hahahaha! (sigh - boy am I greatful we didn't die). 

Mamones as we call them, are these small round fruit: the outer shell is green, once your teeth generate the perfect amount of pressure the shell burts and reveals such an inviting tangy, pulpy, almost bitter but sweet fruit.  Once you place it in your mouth your teeth, tongue and jaw muscles must do the work: suck on the seed until you leave the bare naked seed exposed from it's pulpy layers.

It doesn't matter how you eat it, once you start there is no going back.  They grow only in tropical areas and their season is sometime around August. Although they are not found in this country (USA), if ever you travel abroad, taste some of these or other exotic fruits, you'll open up a whole new world of explorations and adventures!

As kids, we would buy bunches and bunches of these.  Sit out side under the shade of trees and eat away.  Although the the juice of this fruit stained our clothes, we managed to eat away without causing much damage.  It was the perfect fruit for hot days especially if we went to the river.  These and Mangoes were one excellent combination. 

If you are someone who diets a lot or is worried about whether it will be good for you or not, think about it, you eat everything else that isn't good...why not eat a fruit that makes your jaw work, has vitamins (because of the acid...it almost tastes like some kind of citrus acid).  Many parts in Florida sell these, more so in farmer markets.   They almost look like grapes, however, the skin is harder and much bigger.  You have to get creative and allow your brain  and your taste buds to accept this new discovery into you. 

WOW! I am in heaven, thanks to my brother-in-law and his wife, my sister-in-law who brought these straight from Puerto Rico.  These brought me back in time and as I savour their sweetness away, I travel back to those moments of purity, of joy, and of the simple days of living...

One seed after I have eaten it up

The fruit in the inside - the pulp is what you suck on.

"And thus, the mouth experienced an explossion of flavor, confusion, and outmost bewilderment.  Caught in the struggle of distiction and satisfaction..."