"...su corazon empezo a resvalar, su alma aclamava por vida, su espiritu se rindio...entre la profundidad, ahi, muy lejos una luz brillo y inalo un ultimo suspiro...buscando esa vida..."
Tal parece que en esta vida aprendemos a vivir con lo que la sociedad nos pide y no con lo que nuestros corazones necesitan. La belleza, la lujuria, la vanidad, tan solo son cosas de un par de minutos de satisfaccion...lo puro, lo divino, y verdadero es aquello que vive con nosotros...los recuerdos de aquellos momentos que nos impulsaron a tener lo que en el presente se vive...
Aprendemos a obtener sabiduria, a recivir y dar amor. Aprendemos a que el corazon siente, y que el alma vive con cada respiro y suspiro de sueños inalcanzables.
Esta es su historia, de sacrificios, de su vida en el mundo del engaño, en un mundo de soledad y inseguridad....
---------------------------------------------------
LA FORTALEZA y la INSEGURIDAD de Esa Fortaleza
Ella tan solo pedia amor, honestidad, sinceridad, y valor...
Donde se fueron aquellas iluciones y esperanzas de vida repleta de amor, con iluciones de crecer una familia? donde se fueron aquellos momentos de brillo, de paz y tranquilidad, de risas y alregria?
Se acerca la Navidad, pero su corazon esta mas frio que nunca. Su alma dejo de cantar los canticos de felicidad, dejo que las tormentas de hielo, granizo, y furia invadieran su ser. Como dice la cancion de Mana, no ha parado de llover...sus ojos han creado un rio con fuertes corrientes y su nibel continua creciendo con cada lagrima derramada.
Sus sueños han sido invadidos con llantos, con insomio...pero tan solo suspira...como si gritara a los cuatro vientos que le otorgaran un pedacito de su vida.
Ella emprendio su viaje, preparandose sobre un velero de mucha fortaleza...firme, grande y equipado para llevarla atravezar los oceanos de prueba...el velero era su vida, su amor, su fortaleza....aunque sin mapa, ella penso llegar a su destino sobre el velero y todos sus tripulantes...
Las mareas estan mas fuertes, el mar no deja de combatir los vientos, los seres vivientes y los tripulantes se alejan y la dejan sola para luchar contra las fuertes olas que la empujan aun mas lejos hacia una soledad inesperada. Ella cayo al mar, perdida..sola...y nadie se dio cuenta de su aucencia... Ahi, queda ella, cubierta de las emociones de todo aquello que algun dia penso amar. Que con todo lo que ella se esforzo, con mucho que ella trabajo para preparar ese velero, no le sirvio de mucho...las tormentas fueron mas grandes y feroces. Ahora solo queda ese sentimiento de que estubo segura en un tiempo, de que el Velero la supo llevar solo a un lugar adecuado y luego la dejo naufragada....en un abrir y cerrar de ojos, sus iluciones, sus aspiraciones fueron arrojadas a la pronfundidad de aquel mar.
Y ahi quedo, esperando el rescate...en completa oscuridad...ella quedo ahogandose en su propio llanto, apunto de darse por vencida...pero espera...con esperanzas de que el Velero que la arrojo al mar, no la abandone por completo...
Y asi, lo que fue su gran sacrificio, solo la llevo a un mundo lejano, donde todo quedo fuera de su alcanze, su vida, su sueños, quedaron muy lejos...solo quedo esa virtud de sobre vivencia...para algun dia si rescadada, pueda levantarse y seguir adelante.
-----------------------------------------
Mujer, deja la anciedad, corre a tu torre vive, deja que tu principe azul, llegue, pero no esperes para siempre..deja que tu corazon viva y continue dando de lo mas profundo que es el bello amor que resalta por doquier.
-----------------------------------------
Su suspiro aclamaba vida...su vida gritaba por amor...por valor, y fuerzas para luchar contra las corrientes de aquel mar inestable, y luchar contra la oscuridad invasora...ahi quedo esperando...esperando que su voz fuera escuchada, que su ser fuera levantado de aquel frio eterno y que su vida fuera rescatada....
"...vive...ella penso...dandose asi misma el valor y fuerza para alcanzar aquella luz lejana...un sueño de vivir y amar eternamente...vive repitio...suspirando y gritandole a la oscuridad que ella era mas fuerte que la soledad en la cual la arropaban..vive...vive...vive..."
NOTA:
Esto es una historia sin comienzo, sin fin, sin ningun punto...es una narracion de un sueño...
PD. Les digo que hay cabeza para ser creativa :) Espero les guste.
Folly Beach
1/23/11 - Maria
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
RUN AWAY & SAVE YOUR LIFE
"Run Away..run away if you want to survive...."
OFF INTO THE MERCY of the UNKNOWN
It all began on a late evening, date, time, and day unknown...but it was late. The five ninos seemed to come to a conclusion that it was time to run away. Their mind was made up, they light the "living" room with a CANDIL - a gas like item used to light the house, there they sat, motionless..no one uttered a word. Eventually they talked to their Papa Chico of what their plans were, the one and only person they trusted at that time, he was the only one that knew what these witty hearts were up to...
It was 4:30am, and the older kids were up and ready, they chased around the chickens they had grown, one by one they were placed in the Canasta (basket), unaware of the actual consequences that this act would have on the chickens, they were placed there carefully however, blocking out the air out of the basket...
by 5am, they had waken the little ones, dressed them, fed them and off they walked...it was by 5:30am that they carefully walked the damped weedy road, they carefully walked up the dirt road and into the other side of their little town, where they would stand and wait for the Carros (transporting trucks-no buses passed by that area).
Somewhat nervous, unsure of what was about to take place, they waited..patiently yet anxious that they would be discovered of their mischief, their mis-deeds and "wrong" doings. There was no turning back, all 5 ninos were ready. They stood there on that cool and crisp morning, until there in the distance appeared what was their life saving opportunity. The truck had arrived.
Off they went one by one and onto the truck they climbed. Off into the unknown. Just like the Song from Real McCoy, Run Away, it was so that they were running away to set their hearts free and venture into a life of their own, in search for unity, peace, and some love that could soothe away that uncertainty felt in their hearts. They felt joy mixed with some pain althought it was wrong, it felt so right to be doing such adventurous act.
They arrived at Zacatecoluca, to one of the bus stops where they would start their route from Zacatecoluca to San Miguel, an aproximate 6hour drive because of the frequent stops and bus changes. The oldest sibling was around 11 or 12 years old, the youngest was only 3 or 4.
This is yet another one of those stories, another day in paradise. The paradise where these kids learned on their own the lessons of survival.
How did they get to the bus stop, with what money? and who was the adult overseeing over these kids and their welfare at those times?
Bus #1, you could hear the crowded streets of the many travelers yelling and moving around. Lots of people yelling out, "pupusas, tostadas, Queso con yuca, chicharones!!??" Yes, the merchants who made their living selling out and about on bus stops where everywhere. And there as the five ninos sat all pilled in one of the seats, carefully looking after each other, no one misbehaved, yet they were a furtunate more so than the kid who leaped into the bus attempting to make his living singing a melody...a sad melody that rings to this day on the nightly dreams of these small travelers....a kid no more than 10yrs of age began to sing to get some kind of reward, food, water, or money....no of which the five ninos could help with.
The busy passengers, the adults were mesmerized at how five kids were traveling alone, or so they thought. Neither one of the kids would direct their convertions to strangers. They did not speak, they took the ride in silence absorbing the many sounds and savouring the many smells of different foods at different stops.
"MANGOS!!!, sceamed a lady, AGUA de COCO (coconut juice) screamed another, so many were the baskets and great was their hunger...in their hearts, their satisfaction reamained in the fact that they were far now, with every mile the bus drove, the further their past would remain...uncertain of what the future held, they did not turn back.
And so, their hearts grasped the true colors of their roots, their veins erupted with the rivers of passion to pursue their true desires, at such a young age, yes, however, they began their independency alone, venturing and daring to venture out in a world a country that had lost all hope. In deed it seems hard to believe that these kids were able to travel that far and alone because of the lack of security that existed in El Salvador. The "civil war" that began in the early 80s had recently ended in 1992 and although the scar was fresh and the wound still blead, these kids held onto their faith and whatever it was that was driving their mind, their hearts, kept them safe...
As the ride continued, passing Rio Lempa, the thoughts began to emerge...was this the right decision, did or should they have done it differently perhaps announced it to another adult and share their vision?
The song began to play, Real McCoy, RUN AWAY, seems it was a very popular song then...it stuck in their head and it is one of those songs that kidnaps the heart, mind, and soul and takes them back into that bus and takes the ride over the long route of insecurity and uncertainty.
It seemed that the bus would never get to it's final destination...they arrived to a terminal where they had to change yet again the buses. Each time they changed buses and it began it's trip to San Miguel, the song would play.. althought the kids could not understand the words of the song, in their head they chanted the words over and over again, until they had memorized it....the kids some of which were sleeping or at least the youngest ones, leaned their head against the window observing the volcanos in the distance...wondering if they could reach the top if they were to walk it in one day...their mind trailed off into the adventurous wonders of how marvelous a volcanoe seems to be...the mystery and ovewhelming power hidden right beneath that monstrous mountain.
You could see the coffee farms, the pineapple farms, fields and fields of different crops appeared at the foot of the volcanoes.. everything was so pure, yet there were the lives of those who worked hard to create what the passer bys saw from the exterior...it was so intoxicatingly beautiful.
Over the mountains and past the llanos (forrestry areas), the bus traveled....carrying the precious cargo that although unknown of the time, would reflect on those moments to recapture the blessings they obtained from those journeys.
And so as the wheels kept turning, the sound of the loud motors and the suffocating heat from all the crowded passangers planted a seed of self discovery into the ninos who anxiously and almost with no hesitation appreciated every bit of that moment of that day and their adventure into a world of the unknown.
They were far and were running away from their security, their home, the place where their hearts would run freely...whether they would return or not, their journey, their voyaje had just began....they left the country unknowingly of what the future would hold infront of them.
Once they arrived to their final destination, they walked the rest of the way, to see their Mama Catocha, to be with her...such was her love and joy upon seeing the ninos that she threw herself all over them...although her expression demonstrated she was afraid yet relieved the kids were there safe...it was all in all a shock...
Greater was the schock of all to realize that the chickens had suffocated and not a single one managed to survive.
And so, here is the grand story of five little adventurer's that regardless of their lack of source, they knew only where they wanted to be and were guided by that angel that God had placed next to them the entire time. Not a single adult that saw them alone would dare ask or even disturb the tranquility of these little travelers...No one dared ask and no one disturbed such a peaceful reflection of these kids's expressions.
It was if they were on quest for freedom or as if they were leaving a world of dangers and disruption in their life, to some extend they were, however, it has yet to be discovered what these five ninos were up to. They were on a challenge to keep that Faith to keep living the life that they were blessed with. Regardless of whatever difficulties, the lesson remains true to this day, they were the ones that liberated their hearts to never surrender upon the faintest or glamorous of worldy atractions.
Materials, money, come and go, however, the bond that was generated by these ninos was an cobweb of purity and loyalty to each other, the promise to love and support each other and be there for one another regardless of the many changes that life would bring forth... It was planted in their DNA, to be exactly that, the explorer's, the knowledge seekers...
...and the five ninos made it all the way....they had discovered that they were made for this type of explorations, that it was in their genetics to discover the world all on their own...they learned the lyrics of the song RUN AWAY by the time their 6hour trip had ended...and their hearts and minds had earned far greater respect and knowledge than anyone could imagine at such a young age. They matured with each passing hour until they had a piece of wisdom and knowledge within them.
"...and so, their heart stored deep within a passion, a unity and love that would no one could ever invade..."
NOTE: picture of EL SALVADOR MAP to come sometime soon. Also, NOTE: listen to the song RUN AWAY from Real McCoy to get an idea of what the song is about.
This story is yet to be edited some more - well, none of the others are edited, however, there might be more information that needs to be revealed, but all in due time.
OFF INTO THE MERCY of the UNKNOWN
It all began on a late evening, date, time, and day unknown...but it was late. The five ninos seemed to come to a conclusion that it was time to run away. Their mind was made up, they light the "living" room with a CANDIL - a gas like item used to light the house, there they sat, motionless..no one uttered a word. Eventually they talked to their Papa Chico of what their plans were, the one and only person they trusted at that time, he was the only one that knew what these witty hearts were up to...
It was 4:30am, and the older kids were up and ready, they chased around the chickens they had grown, one by one they were placed in the Canasta (basket), unaware of the actual consequences that this act would have on the chickens, they were placed there carefully however, blocking out the air out of the basket...
by 5am, they had waken the little ones, dressed them, fed them and off they walked...it was by 5:30am that they carefully walked the damped weedy road, they carefully walked up the dirt road and into the other side of their little town, where they would stand and wait for the Carros (transporting trucks-no buses passed by that area).
Somewhat nervous, unsure of what was about to take place, they waited..patiently yet anxious that they would be discovered of their mischief, their mis-deeds and "wrong" doings. There was no turning back, all 5 ninos were ready. They stood there on that cool and crisp morning, until there in the distance appeared what was their life saving opportunity. The truck had arrived.
Off they went one by one and onto the truck they climbed. Off into the unknown. Just like the Song from Real McCoy, Run Away, it was so that they were running away to set their hearts free and venture into a life of their own, in search for unity, peace, and some love that could soothe away that uncertainty felt in their hearts. They felt joy mixed with some pain althought it was wrong, it felt so right to be doing such adventurous act.
They arrived at Zacatecoluca, to one of the bus stops where they would start their route from Zacatecoluca to San Miguel, an aproximate 6hour drive because of the frequent stops and bus changes. The oldest sibling was around 11 or 12 years old, the youngest was only 3 or 4.
This is yet another one of those stories, another day in paradise. The paradise where these kids learned on their own the lessons of survival.
How did they get to the bus stop, with what money? and who was the adult overseeing over these kids and their welfare at those times?
Bus #1, you could hear the crowded streets of the many travelers yelling and moving around. Lots of people yelling out, "pupusas, tostadas, Queso con yuca, chicharones!!??" Yes, the merchants who made their living selling out and about on bus stops where everywhere. And there as the five ninos sat all pilled in one of the seats, carefully looking after each other, no one misbehaved, yet they were a furtunate more so than the kid who leaped into the bus attempting to make his living singing a melody...a sad melody that rings to this day on the nightly dreams of these small travelers....a kid no more than 10yrs of age began to sing to get some kind of reward, food, water, or money....no of which the five ninos could help with.
The busy passengers, the adults were mesmerized at how five kids were traveling alone, or so they thought. Neither one of the kids would direct their convertions to strangers. They did not speak, they took the ride in silence absorbing the many sounds and savouring the many smells of different foods at different stops.
"MANGOS!!!, sceamed a lady, AGUA de COCO (coconut juice) screamed another, so many were the baskets and great was their hunger...in their hearts, their satisfaction reamained in the fact that they were far now, with every mile the bus drove, the further their past would remain...uncertain of what the future held, they did not turn back.
And so, their hearts grasped the true colors of their roots, their veins erupted with the rivers of passion to pursue their true desires, at such a young age, yes, however, they began their independency alone, venturing and daring to venture out in a world a country that had lost all hope. In deed it seems hard to believe that these kids were able to travel that far and alone because of the lack of security that existed in El Salvador. The "civil war" that began in the early 80s had recently ended in 1992 and although the scar was fresh and the wound still blead, these kids held onto their faith and whatever it was that was driving their mind, their hearts, kept them safe...
As the ride continued, passing Rio Lempa, the thoughts began to emerge...was this the right decision, did or should they have done it differently perhaps announced it to another adult and share their vision?
The song began to play, Real McCoy, RUN AWAY, seems it was a very popular song then...it stuck in their head and it is one of those songs that kidnaps the heart, mind, and soul and takes them back into that bus and takes the ride over the long route of insecurity and uncertainty.
It seemed that the bus would never get to it's final destination...they arrived to a terminal where they had to change yet again the buses. Each time they changed buses and it began it's trip to San Miguel, the song would play.. althought the kids could not understand the words of the song, in their head they chanted the words over and over again, until they had memorized it....the kids some of which were sleeping or at least the youngest ones, leaned their head against the window observing the volcanos in the distance...wondering if they could reach the top if they were to walk it in one day...their mind trailed off into the adventurous wonders of how marvelous a volcanoe seems to be...the mystery and ovewhelming power hidden right beneath that monstrous mountain.
You could see the coffee farms, the pineapple farms, fields and fields of different crops appeared at the foot of the volcanoes.. everything was so pure, yet there were the lives of those who worked hard to create what the passer bys saw from the exterior...it was so intoxicatingly beautiful.
Over the mountains and past the llanos (forrestry areas), the bus traveled....carrying the precious cargo that although unknown of the time, would reflect on those moments to recapture the blessings they obtained from those journeys.
And so as the wheels kept turning, the sound of the loud motors and the suffocating heat from all the crowded passangers planted a seed of self discovery into the ninos who anxiously and almost with no hesitation appreciated every bit of that moment of that day and their adventure into a world of the unknown.
They were far and were running away from their security, their home, the place where their hearts would run freely...whether they would return or not, their journey, their voyaje had just began....they left the country unknowingly of what the future would hold infront of them.
Once they arrived to their final destination, they walked the rest of the way, to see their Mama Catocha, to be with her...such was her love and joy upon seeing the ninos that she threw herself all over them...although her expression demonstrated she was afraid yet relieved the kids were there safe...it was all in all a shock...
Greater was the schock of all to realize that the chickens had suffocated and not a single one managed to survive.
And so, here is the grand story of five little adventurer's that regardless of their lack of source, they knew only where they wanted to be and were guided by that angel that God had placed next to them the entire time. Not a single adult that saw them alone would dare ask or even disturb the tranquility of these little travelers...No one dared ask and no one disturbed such a peaceful reflection of these kids's expressions.
It was if they were on quest for freedom or as if they were leaving a world of dangers and disruption in their life, to some extend they were, however, it has yet to be discovered what these five ninos were up to. They were on a challenge to keep that Faith to keep living the life that they were blessed with. Regardless of whatever difficulties, the lesson remains true to this day, they were the ones that liberated their hearts to never surrender upon the faintest or glamorous of worldy atractions.
Materials, money, come and go, however, the bond that was generated by these ninos was an cobweb of purity and loyalty to each other, the promise to love and support each other and be there for one another regardless of the many changes that life would bring forth... It was planted in their DNA, to be exactly that, the explorer's, the knowledge seekers...
...and the five ninos made it all the way....they had discovered that they were made for this type of explorations, that it was in their genetics to discover the world all on their own...they learned the lyrics of the song RUN AWAY by the time their 6hour trip had ended...and their hearts and minds had earned far greater respect and knowledge than anyone could imagine at such a young age. They matured with each passing hour until they had a piece of wisdom and knowledge within them.
"...and so, their heart stored deep within a passion, a unity and love that would no one could ever invade..."
NOTE: picture of EL SALVADOR MAP to come sometime soon. Also, NOTE: listen to the song RUN AWAY from Real McCoy to get an idea of what the song is about.
This story is yet to be edited some more - well, none of the others are edited, however, there might be more information that needs to be revealed, but all in due time.
FOREVER LOST - PERDIDA ETERNAMENTE
"Her heart stood still, motionless, waiting to be raptured and swept into a world of beauty, honesty, peace, and purest of joy..."
FOREVER LOST - PERDIDA ETERNAMENTE
It's 1st of December 2011, the beginning of the end of this year. Seems too cliche to say that it was just Christmas was just yesterday! It is true however, seems things have gone by way too fast.
Perhaps this is another one of those Christmas for me. I am perhaps one of the most complex human beings you will ever meet...Christmas season brings me a cold feeling in my heart. Seems that the Grinch tends to not only successfully steal my Christmas, but rather converts my heart into a cold slab of ice.
Christmas long long long ago ended for me. If I look back in time, I can pin point that day, that era, that moment when Christmas ended...
It happened at midnight Christmas of 1994, when everyone went to sleep, alone I ran out side and began the ritual of a celebration of Christmas..poping the loudest of fireworks, lighting everything I could possibly burn, I ran left, right, left again over and over the front yard poping things and burning fireworks as fast as I could. I thought that if our front yard had the most wrappers that perhaps that would mean were the best at poping the fireworks.
Alone, underneath the half moon way up high, I celebrated that Christmas....Alone I took on that challenge, listening all around me how many were lighting the fireworks. The sound, the smell, the smoke floated everywhere, but I was too excited. I did not care to be alone underneath the blanket of smoke and the danger of accidentally getting burn. My heart was too excitedly hurrying, lining up the different fireworks. All were lined up, small, big, small, big....until my basket was almsot empty....but there on the very end was the CYCLONE.
Yes, I had a fireworkd bigger than my own hands could wrap around. It almost looked like an atomic bomb, so big, so dangerous! I was all excited and placed it on a far post near the house, right next to a light pole, and decided to set it off. Without giving it much thought, I ran as fast as I could to seek shelter and hide.
Not fully realizing the force and power of the huge CYCLONE, I had set it on fire. My ears were schocked, my heart paralyzed, it exploded so loudly as if it were a nuclear bomb, you could feel how the electro magnetic waves raised the very small hairs all over your body. Not only did it scared me half to death, scared everyone and managed to break part of the light pole and our light cut off....
that was the last Christmas that I can remember where my heart was captured in time and everything was heavenly. Where Christmas morning was not about the presents, but rather time to have a good breakfast, gather up all equipment to camp out all day at the beach... we would have rostiseri chicken on real charcoal, tamales of different kind, traditional christmas sandwiches....and we were all happy and satisfied.
Now Christmas here seems it is about the ornaments, the spending of tons of money in order to satisfy someone's "desires" not needs, and come to find out that it isn't enough....it is not about the love and affection of spending time together celebrating the birth of our Saviour, but rather a time to drain down all your savings and attempt to reconcile love and money on the artificial-materials of this world.
I am not sure how i could describe my feelings, however, I get very melancholy during the Christmas season. Perhaps that all might change once I have a kid. In the mean time I continue to work on discovering what it is that makes me feel so sad during this time.
Christmas somehow stayed behind me along everything else that I lost...somewhere along this life time I hope to recover some of what was taken from me.
Perhaps my life is floating lamely on this world and I am stuck in my past, however, I am reviving those moments in order to find a meaning of what my experiences have been...to teach myself over and over that this life is not mine and that what I have lived is meant for someone to have a piece of knowledge about that character, that ME way back when.
NOTE: Told you, I am a very COMPLEX person, perhaps to deep in thought....
"and so, her journey, her heart remain in the unknown, in a moment of reflection...waiting...waiting to discover the true meaning of what is happening all around her.."
FOREVER LOST - PERDIDA ETERNAMENTE
It's 1st of December 2011, the beginning of the end of this year. Seems too cliche to say that it was just Christmas was just yesterday! It is true however, seems things have gone by way too fast.
Perhaps this is another one of those Christmas for me. I am perhaps one of the most complex human beings you will ever meet...Christmas season brings me a cold feeling in my heart. Seems that the Grinch tends to not only successfully steal my Christmas, but rather converts my heart into a cold slab of ice.
Christmas long long long ago ended for me. If I look back in time, I can pin point that day, that era, that moment when Christmas ended...
It happened at midnight Christmas of 1994, when everyone went to sleep, alone I ran out side and began the ritual of a celebration of Christmas..poping the loudest of fireworks, lighting everything I could possibly burn, I ran left, right, left again over and over the front yard poping things and burning fireworks as fast as I could. I thought that if our front yard had the most wrappers that perhaps that would mean were the best at poping the fireworks.
Alone, underneath the half moon way up high, I celebrated that Christmas....Alone I took on that challenge, listening all around me how many were lighting the fireworks. The sound, the smell, the smoke floated everywhere, but I was too excited. I did not care to be alone underneath the blanket of smoke and the danger of accidentally getting burn. My heart was too excitedly hurrying, lining up the different fireworks. All were lined up, small, big, small, big....until my basket was almsot empty....but there on the very end was the CYCLONE.
Yes, I had a fireworkd bigger than my own hands could wrap around. It almost looked like an atomic bomb, so big, so dangerous! I was all excited and placed it on a far post near the house, right next to a light pole, and decided to set it off. Without giving it much thought, I ran as fast as I could to seek shelter and hide.
Not fully realizing the force and power of the huge CYCLONE, I had set it on fire. My ears were schocked, my heart paralyzed, it exploded so loudly as if it were a nuclear bomb, you could feel how the electro magnetic waves raised the very small hairs all over your body. Not only did it scared me half to death, scared everyone and managed to break part of the light pole and our light cut off....
that was the last Christmas that I can remember where my heart was captured in time and everything was heavenly. Where Christmas morning was not about the presents, but rather time to have a good breakfast, gather up all equipment to camp out all day at the beach... we would have rostiseri chicken on real charcoal, tamales of different kind, traditional christmas sandwiches....and we were all happy and satisfied.
Now Christmas here seems it is about the ornaments, the spending of tons of money in order to satisfy someone's "desires" not needs, and come to find out that it isn't enough....it is not about the love and affection of spending time together celebrating the birth of our Saviour, but rather a time to drain down all your savings and attempt to reconcile love and money on the artificial-materials of this world.
I am not sure how i could describe my feelings, however, I get very melancholy during the Christmas season. Perhaps that all might change once I have a kid. In the mean time I continue to work on discovering what it is that makes me feel so sad during this time.
Christmas somehow stayed behind me along everything else that I lost...somewhere along this life time I hope to recover some of what was taken from me.
Perhaps my life is floating lamely on this world and I am stuck in my past, however, I am reviving those moments in order to find a meaning of what my experiences have been...to teach myself over and over that this life is not mine and that what I have lived is meant for someone to have a piece of knowledge about that character, that ME way back when.
NOTE: Told you, I am a very COMPLEX person, perhaps to deep in thought....
"and so, her journey, her heart remain in the unknown, in a moment of reflection...waiting...waiting to discover the true meaning of what is happening all around her.."
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