The Living Dead

"...Assuming responsibility by default, not by choice.."

Time and time again we have heard that what we rip is the fruit of our labors.  So in such analogy, if I have chosen the right seeds, planted on fertile soil, then I am bound to have a sprout of new life.  Yet it hardly seems logical, reasonable to assume safely.  The weather changes, the occasions change, the soil looses that composure of nutrients and decays. 

It has been maybe about 2months a half since I took the plunge out into the unknown.  Or one could easily say I was shoved down the cliff all because I turned my back to lend a hand, yet that one person or group tossed me down.

I lost my job, a profession, not a career from the Mass Media outlet.  Lost it no by choice, nor simply by default, but from what one could call force.

As many would know, I am that one person that will always opt to do the right thing whether it is giving up something for myself to help others, I will choose to be on the right path.  As a human being, I am not perfect by any means, I choose to live life with passion, purity, and honesty in all areas and aspects of life.  Yet I was faced by what seemed as demonic, and tormenting, even in adulthood the notion...a close encounter with bullying.  I almost felt like Sinbad when surrounded by all those hyenas laughing and vengefully seeking to torment the soul of that peaceful, yet fierceful king.

And there I sat, after 6 highly dedicated years doing what I loved, it was not because of the money or the "endorsements" as I was not an on-air personality...it was more of the satisfaction (for the lack of better terms), of helping someone.  It was all done out of the passion of my heart that never ceased to find alternatives, ways to find a way or method to connect to the audience through the heart and soul.  For 6 years, I proved theories, I did my work and completed my tasks.  Went above and beyond what was required of my person, yet as the days would end gratitude seemed to be the least of the remarks expressed by those around me.

I met phenomenal people, those who remain part of my life, in a professional and personal way.  So what happened you must ask?  It came as quick as lightning, and as loud as the revolving waters of the Niagara Falls.  With great might, what can only be described as vile, mocking, and bullies, threw their very best shot at me.  I was the target because I was sincere, I was honest, and by far was probably the only one that would stand between their goals and strategies and thus I was a threat. 
Never in my life and as you have probably read on previous postings, have I deceitfully implied taking something that is not intended for me. 

As a child I was blessed to be given hard working parents, hard working siblings, and of course grandparents that also proved to be the key essential conspirators of my highly motivational, independent being that I am today.  They crafted me to perfection to NEVER GIVE UP. Or at least on what is necessary and not in vengeance.

And so, I sat at my desk doing my daily's task.  And I was approached by two conspirators of most evil deception, poisonous of beings - they came like voltures into my bubble of peace and tranquility, interrupting most suddenly that momentum of hard work only to spit the poison of "self-righteousness, most arrogant, and most self indulged deception of decay."  They stood there gazing down at me while shouting with fierce words as if raping my soul and consuming the inner spirit of life.  "You are nothing, you are trash, you do not own anything around here, you are not the hierarchy that signs off my paycheck to tell us to leave your so called office..." doumbfounded I sat there imagining everything was a joke, a foul joke that somehow missed April's fool and landed in June-fool.  "YOU ARE A Thief came the words, you have stolen so much money from clients they said..."

I giggled, yet I shook my head from disgust to hear these words spoken so inaccurately and so stupidly.  My stomach turned and all I wanted to do that very instant was to slap someone for being so stupid yet so ignorant.  I thought, "Really? Is this seriously happening?" My questions immediately came: Please name the client, name the amount, dates, and tell me where it came from that I have stolen money and at what occasion.  To which no answer was provided. 

The one verbal aggression that hurt the most was being accused of stealing money from the funds raised for the St. Jude's Children Research Hospital marathons and tournaments of hope, aka soccer tournaments. The soccer tournaments that so kindly were hosted as well by the owner of the facility who received but the mere limits of few commercials in return - barter. Yes, while I did have the creativity of organizing these events, and yes, while I do have that blessing to expanding my abilities to be creative and diverse, this came as a big stab directly into my heart.  If anyone where to take the time to know where my heart stands in reference to charitable donations and especially with children, would've had to think twice before making this type of remark or assumption. It would be like pulling the plug on a child who is depending on this support to continue to breathe among us.

I was brutally accussed of stealing money from these funds.  Not only did it hurt profoundly but it tore my heart apart.  It was the lowest of things anyone could say of me.  While I have never stolen a single thing in my life, or at least have never taken anything "permanently" borrowed....I felt so humiliated, destroyed, and never so bullied in my life.  Perhaps you might think I was just weak and should've defended myself, but sometimes even when told to turn the other cheeck enough is enough.  Seeing that my superior, my boss and the one person that I thought would be certain of what was in front of him that was real, trust worthy, mature, and overall brought income to the actual business...he let everyone take on their anger and frustration of not being set free to do as they will....so he allowed things happen. His silence and lack of leadership created by the lack of discipline and self involvement opened the door to this tragic episode of most humiliating nature.  Although many times over and over it was pointed out that things were wrong, he opted to not get involved.  I feel as though he choose to turn a blind eye even when right there in his face, people are taking out of his wallet... and so, I threw the towel, raised my white flag and walked out.

fair? no it was not fair.  Not only did I loose a lot of $$, time, and dignity from being humiliated and all I expected was a simple phone call from him assuming all responsibility, yet it never happened.  So I sit here writing this and perhaps this will never get published nor seen, yet as much I would live to vengefully take back what was stolen from me, I feel dormant.  Spent a life time of sincerity, honesty, and dedication of hard work to only get bullied, harassed, and pressured to the point of resignation...

I have chosen to let things go, because to fight would be to open the doors for other unnecessary heart burdens.  This does not mean that anyone else will get the best of me and most certainly there will not be a second time. 

Like it is said, Karma can be a B*&^%! And although I do not wish anyone any wrongs, they will bring their castle down.  I have learned a lot and perhaps this situation was a way to bring me back to reality and seek better opportunities.

Insane, yes, you would never think that this could happen in small companies or big companies the like.  However, truth is, there are bullies everywhere and "THEY" seek to harm those that are most quiet, humble, and weak. It is a tough lesson, never again though.  Never again.

"...the eyes of the vultures, seeks to destroy, find the weak spot...you become the prey, and when least expected, they attack without any sign of mercy..."