The Universe is the Limit

Dare to dream, dream big. Admire the beauty of the stars, allow for tears to flow endlessly and don't be ashamed to taste the bitterness of failure at any one point. 

Serendipity, why? 

The sky is never the limit. There is more out there than we can see, there is a huge world of magic, there's room to fly and grow out there.

I want my wings back, I want to learn to fly high and have no fear of falling.  I want to be there... To be brave, to be a fighter.

I want to feel the rain dance on my face and caress my lips, mix with the rain and tears, feel as my mind and soul are set free. Serendipity, destiny? Coincidence?

Its one of those nights where life feels a bit stale. Am missing that sprinkle of fall, life, yearning to smell the oven filled with goodies...yet I sit in a couch embracing my pillows for support, hearing as the dog breathes by my feet and knowing he is a faithful confidant...

...the night is young, yet I am feeling a bit crippled and old... i would love to be out and Walk beneath the moon and stars ...a reason to be out... To feel as the evening sets its mystery of endless adventures... I want to explore the enchanted moments of purity, passion, and discoveries...

Yet I feel I am confined to a couch. Have zero motivation to get dressed and explore alone. I want to feel sexy and beautiful, wear my red dress and heals and head out into the darkness for a night's passionate revelation... To be that lone explorer... 

I want to shed the old me and become new.... Like a cicada... 

"...everything has a purpose...life, experiences, emotions... Lessons are learned..."

Figuring life, flipping stones

Its hard to believe that time goes by so fast. Things are not always what we dream or expect. This is why I have learnt not to be expectant of life, people, or anything other than what I harvest from the seeds I have planted. So I am cautious in the ways I plant my seeds, where they are planted and try to sustain them.  

I for one have failed drastically at being real and truthful to myself and have disappointed not only myself but others. Life has thrown many curve balls my way and I have tried to dodge as many, yet I know that the best way is to observe, be patient, and hit that perfect home run. How do I do this again? Never played softball, so its a challenge! I can bat, but its not the same thing! There are rules, strategies, and plays to make...uhmmm, help?

I am uncertain about a lot of things except for one: change must come. I have to be brave and be a woman of truth and courage. I have to make the changes take place if I want to see myself overcome a lot of these downfalls.

To learn is to also give up the tormenting parts of life. Its been a long road, difficult, cannot complain as I know these have been tests of faith and courage...remind me again who am I doing this for? Right, myself. My dignity and self respect! 

Its been a mad roll-a-coaster ride and trust me, I hate roll-a-coasters!  things have been upside down for way too long and its time I took ownership of my life, value myself a little more and respect my own dreams and desires. To value myself in the way others have failed to appreciate me and the little/big deeds I have gone out of my way to do for them. Again this is part of that "expectation" I failed at. I gave whole heartedly, expecting nothing, yet deep within me, thought, well maybe they will notice my hard work or sacrifice! Wrong. The more I do, the more they want. 

Not sure why and all of the sudden I have been faced with many challenging situations, I have had my feelings crushed time and time again. Have easily dismissed those episodes and try to be the better person, however, its time to riot and stand up for what I want, to crown myself owner of my life and set my soul free. To be victorious and fly among the clouds, feel my imperfections and appreciate my honor and strong will.

Its a hard task, its not easy being in my shoes, however, have learned that I must take ownership of my lack of decision making and also acepting my failures. I cannot be proud of life and proud in an arrogant way to say i have succeeded would be major downfall- when in reality I have nothing to show for.

Yes, I have achieved many beautiful and wonderful attributes of life, my skills and abilities of being a full blown woman: with honesty, sincerity, faithfulness, and of course the plus of who I am... A kindred spirited individual who seeks to do best for others and be a leader.  However, I know I am still missing half of me, my God and Savior...

I expect a huge rush of emotions and I will have a huge gap and huge hit to my heart...we will see what happens, but this time GOD IS IN CONTROL.

I have handed over my worries, heart and soul to HIM.

He is the crafter of my life... make me broken, mold me and help me reach that part of life... Where you want me to be. Reveal the truth in me. Reveal my reality and dreams. This is my prayer to you my Lord. 

I trust in YOU my Lord, my guidance. Everything will be ok. 

A lonely track

Sometimes life can be a lonely track, rusted with time, aged through the many changing and evolving weathers. 

It sits there waiting for something to make it useful, to feel fulfilled... 

Life is like these train tracks, we endure the many weathers of life, tests of faith, the never ending obstacles of dangers... Yet we are firm... Waitibg patiently for the savior... For a life of fulfillment...

Even while visitors may approach, at the end, life is still but an empty track waiting to be that useful reaource... 

I am feeling like these tracks... Old and rusty... With only hopes for a better tomorrow sitting on a crowded place, but feeling lonely at the end... 

The Ghost in Me

"...lost in the mist of a dream..."

A tear rolls down my eyes remembering the past... I was told (by an unsuspected source) never should I focus on living life from memories of the past.  Instead to sit back and live the current moments of wonders and joy.  I do believe that person is right on target.. however, it is difficult to file away those episodes of life when time and time again, my dreams are haunted by the memories...

It is a wise choice to dismiss the processed moments of life that I so selfishly retain to connect to those I left behind. To find closure and break free.  As the tears invade my human emotions and they emerge almost immediately blinding me, I hear the sounds of sweet surrender.

It's a repetitive dream because nothing will ever be the same.  It's a phase, a moment in time where a gap was created never to be filled, a void waiting for something to fill it's place.

As the night falls, so does the re-ocurring dream, taking me back many days ago...into the distance of coldness and as the stars mock my every move, guiding me like a spark of life into a frozen moment of youth.

Another night, another dream,...so fast, the rhythm of life moves my very core.

The life of a girl long-long ago left in total emptiness.  Now I gaze back to you trying to dismiss the dreams, yet as dreams re-occur I talk to you and you share your passions of love and journeys...it feels like a vision, reality of truth...

My heart beats a little faster, hearing you, seeing you in my dreams.  It dances lost in the night's understanding of truth, love, and passion and compassionate understanding.  As I close my eyes I see you standing there, your image, your eyes staring back at me.  As silence itself you refrain from sharing your heart's desire, regardless your eyes translate your ultimate passion to never forget about this person - this young girl trapped in a world of distance and dances...

I dare to take your hand and walk with me as the sand brushes away through our feet.... It's only a vision of the young me gazing back to me wishing to meet half way. 

Yes, sounds insane for me to say such things, however, it was a stage of life where it left me without that important part of who I am... That void was left open and as the dreams come, they try very desperately to seal the gaps, heal the wounds, and empathize with a wonderibg soul.

"...and the ghost became me, identifying the moments of love, passion, and youth...the ghostly emotions became the nourishment of a day's inspirations to become a better person...as she was starting back at me..." 

A moment to Live

It has been a strange week. Lots to do, business at work... 

On another note, the giant woke last weekend, the heart felt a sudden drive. It was a strange beat, the heart began palpitating a little faster, the stomach felt uneasy, and the...nerves seemed to twitch everywhere...

It was like the heart got raptured into a world of illusions, dreams, and sudenly they became real...

It has been an exciting last few weeks. Lots of great progress in my life, work, and of course my ego has been renewed! Not sure that is a good thingg or not. It is more like I have been empowered, set free, a huge burden has been lifted and my heart and mind has been set free.

God knows what HE does and the many blessings He sends is because HE has showed us HIS truths.

On the other hand, there have been a few up and downs, however not sufficiently impacting to re-adjust this positive note.

God is great and although my heart has strayed and is still trying to find a way back to HIM, He has not let me down or forgotten about me, my family, and friends.

With that said, I would love to have you pray over my household, for wisdom, mental sanity with all of the craziness around us, and of course for us to continue to seek more of HIM. And also to remind us that regardless of all the tests to our hearts, that HE Will lead us through safety and unison.

LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES, you never know what you are going to get until you take the first bite! 

 

Crippled Heart

There are things that are difficult to say and others who flow almost immediately and fluently... 

Today, I am not myself. It's an overwhelming feeling of distance. My soul is floating somewhere, taken as if by a breeze that took a fresh new spirit of life out someone. It feels as though my corpse, my dried carcass is simply carrying out a duty and it is moving by default and inertia, not by any desire of wanting to be there.

The mind is absent, the body is not.

....There are moments in life when all else means nothing.

Its been a few dificcult last few days, hard to explain, but just have not been my energetic self. My world seems grey and un-real. 

It is equally difficult to say I am thankful. Life at this moment has no meaning and my motivation flushed somewhere. 

My heart feels crippled. This is the first time I can honestly attest to feeling such coldness and not be able to trigger the conspirator of my low energy. 

My smile has been placed on temporary leave, my energy took a dive, and my thankfulness for a daily's journey has vacated the premises.

This is by far the first time I will post something of this nature and of my weakness. It's unusual, to feel a void. To feel defeated by whatever it is that is pressing down on me.

I have lowered my head and bent the knees, have thrown my arms down and simply wait.  Feels as though those most important simply have taken a route of forgetfulness and distance. 

Today, I am not myself, and the inner me, cries out to find that joy and sunshine around me. It is rather abnormal and very sureal to feel this crippled. 

The muscles of my face are tense, waiting eagerly to smile, my ears to hear your voice and my heart to feel your peace. Today more than ever, I am in need of YOU! 

"There comes a time, where pride must be set aside, where the tears must roll down the path of endless ventures and simply let go of what is known and untrue..."

Amarte con toda Naturaleza

"...el amor... Te captiva, llenandote de muchas sensaciones y locas iluciones.."

Love, its a standard term used to express someone's inner sensations, emptions, feelings for the oposite sex (or same sex - now a days all is fair game, or so it seems).  This word is becoming less and less efective, with no meaning and no true definition. 

"I love you, love that, love this..." Really, when it comes to hearing those words without the truth of sincerity, without that additive emotion that suggests the depthness of honesty, it becomes stale. 

In a sense, I can say i am highly blessed to know and be familiarized with multiple languages. To the point where I can sincerely and honestly define my love with more sentiments, passion, pureness of a sincere and truthful heart, not to disqualify that someone who only speaks one language can not express with clarity their message of love.  

Seems that now a days we "allocate" the word we want to use to refer to a love one... Someone we cherish and admire, an individual who makes us feel complete, whole, and want nothing less than ro feel those butterflies each time... We choose a term of kindred spirited thoughts to define "love"

"You are my sweet pea, my teddy bear, "the one", the spirit of my soul, the jewel, my princess/prince..." We hear these used commonly, my "honey." These are those replacements to say "I love you."

What is your chosen word?

So yes, for me, LOVE is amar passionately, whole heartedly and be fully involved :)

The below is a random "poem or expression of my heart.."

"Amarte es la dulsura de mi paladar...
la miel que acarisea mis labios...
besar tus labios y perderme en un mundo de sueños y colores...
Llegar a ti y sentir el aroma de tu ser, vestir tus iluciones, y soñar despierta en tus brazos...
....eso es amarte a ti..."

"Ver el brillo de tus ojos reflejar tu mundo...
Ver como apasionadamente me gritan los deseos de tu corazon... 
Amarte, es sentir como mis pies se elevan al cielo...
sentir que mi cuerpo pierde todo peso y se eleva lentamente con solo tu mirada...

"Amarte, es tenerte tan cerca sin importar la cuan lejos estes de mi... 
Amarte significa caminar las tierras de este mundo junto a ti...
Volar entre los vientos, seguir tus huellas hasta el fin del mundo....
desafiar las olas del mar, y seguir la luz del Sol...

"Amarte tanto parece ser un pecado...
Una ilucion, una mentira de mi mente...
Sentir tu presencia sin que estes ahi...
Amarte es un deseo de mi corazon...
Intentando llenar un espacio tan vacio
Tan triste...
Amarte es morir de amor...