Folly Beach

Folly Beach
1/23/11 - Maria

Friday, February 21, 2014

A moment to Live

It has been a strange week. Lots to do, business at work... 

On another note, the giant woke last weekend, the heart felt a sudden drive. It was a strange beat, the heart began palpitating a little faster, the stomach felt uneasy, and the...nerves seemed to twitch everywhere...

It was like the heart got raptured into a world of illusions, dreams, and sudenly they became real...

It has been an exciting last few weeks. Lots of great progress in my life, work, and of course my ego has been renewed! Not sure that is a good thingg or not. It is more like I have been empowered, set free, a huge burden has been lifted and my heart and mind has been set free.

God knows what HE does and the many blessings He sends is because HE has showed us HIS truths.

On the other hand, there have been a few up and downs, however not sufficiently impacting to re-adjust this positive note.

God is great and although my heart has strayed and is still trying to find a way back to HIM, He has not let me down or forgotten about me, my family, and friends.

With that said, I would love to have you pray over my household, for wisdom, mental sanity with all of the craziness around us, and of course for us to continue to seek more of HIM. And also to remind us that regardless of all the tests to our hearts, that HE Will lead us through safety and unison.

LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES, you never know what you are going to get until you take the first bite! 


 

Monday, February 3, 2014

Crippled Heart

There are things that are difficult to say and others who flow almost immediately and fluently... 

Today, I am not myself. It's an overwhelming feeling of distance. My soul is floating somewhere, taken as if by a breeze that took a fresh new spirit of life out someone. It feels as though my corpse, my dried carcass is simply carrying out a duty and it is moving by default and inertia, not by any desire of wanting to be there.

The mind is absent, the body is not.

....There are moments in life when all else means nothing.

Its been a few dificcult last few days, hard to explain, but just have not been my energetic self. My world seems grey and un-real. 

It is equally difficult to say I am thankful. Life at this moment has no meaning and my motivation flushed somewhere. 

My heart feels crippled. This is the first time I can honestly attest to feeling such coldness and not be able to trigger the conspirator of my low energy. 

My smile has been placed on temporary leave, my energy took a dive, and my thankfulness for a daily's journey has vacated the premises.

This is by far the first time I will post something of this nature and of my weakness. It's unusual, to feel a void. To feel defeated by whatever it is that is pressing down on me.

I have lowered my head and bent the knees, have thrown my arms down and simply wait.  Feels as though those most important simply have taken a route of forgetfulness and distance. 

Today, I am not myself, and the inner me, cries out to find that joy and sunshine around me. It is rather abnormal and very sureal to feel this crippled. 

The muscles of my face are tense, waiting eagerly to smile, my ears to hear your voice and my heart to feel your peace. Today more than ever, I am in need of YOU! 

"There comes a time, where pride must be set aside, where the tears must roll down the path of endless ventures and simply let go of what is known and untrue..."


Thursday, January 23, 2014

Amarte con toda Naturaleza

"...el amor... Te captiva, llenandote de muchas sensaciones y locas iluciones.."

Love, its a standard term used to express someone's inner sensations, emptions, feelings for the oposite sex (or same sex - now a days all is fair game, or so it seems).  This word is becoming less and less efective, with no meaning and no true definition. 

"I love you, love that, love this..." Really, when it comes to hearing those words without the truth of sincerity, without that additive emotion that suggests the depthness of honesty, it becomes stale. 

In a sense, I can say i am highly blessed to know and be familiarized with multiple languages. To the point where I can sincerely and honestly define my love with more sentiments, passion, pureness of a sincere and truthful heart, not to disqualify that someone who only speaks one language can not express with clarity their message of love.  

Seems that now a days we "allocate" the word we want to use to refer to a love one... Someone we cherish and admire, an individual who makes us feel complete, whole, and want nothing less than ro feel those butterflies each time... We choose a term of kindred spirited thoughts to define "love"

"You are my sweet pea, my teddy bear, "the one", the spirit of my soul, the jewel, my princess/prince..." We hear these used commonly, my "honey." These are those replacements to say "I love you."

What is your chosen word?

So yes, for me, LOVE is amar passionately, whole heartedly and be fully involved :)

The below is a random "poem or expression of my heart.."


"Amarte es la dulsura de mi paladar...
la miel que acarisea mis labios...
besar tus labios y perderme en un mundo de sueños y colores...
Llegar a ti y sentir el aroma de tu ser, vestir tus iluciones, y soñar despierta en tus brazos...
....eso es amarte a ti..."

"Ver el brillo de tus ojos reflejar tu mundo...
Ver como apasionadamente me gritan los deseos de tu corazon... 
Amarte, es sentir como mis pies se elevan al cielo...
sentir que mi cuerpo pierde todo peso y se eleva lentamente con solo tu mirada...

"Amarte, es tenerte tan cerca sin importar la cuan lejos estes de mi... 
Amarte significa caminar las tierras de este mundo junto a ti...
Volar entre los vientos, seguir tus huellas hasta el fin del mundo....
desafiar las olas del mar, y seguir la luz del Sol...

"Amarte tanto parece ser un pecado...
Una ilucion, una mentira de mi mente...
Sentir tu presencia sin que estes ahi...
Amarte es un deseo de mi corazon...
Intentando llenar un espacio tan vacio
Tan triste...
Amarte es morir de amor...

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

2014 a New Season Of life

Its already January, the "resolutioners" have come out and have found some kind of motivation for the month to do something for themselves and try to uphold that "personal goal/promise."

I don't have a personal "resolution" for this year. I have a LIFE resolution to meet and continue to up hold. Sure, many of you could disagree that everyone works towards the same motives and life expectations, the "normal" things of life.  I must ask you though, "are they really normal for everyone?"

What is my Life Resolution: to continue to be that tool of God, to be that transparent, unselfish individual who strives to better herself in the personal arena, spiritual, and financial.

2013 was yet another year of trials and tribulations. As you might have read, I tend to get lots of "tests of Faith" and often I sit there wondering, "really God?" How many more tests of Faith must I overcome to show you and all those skeptical souls out there that I can doall through YOU? That it is not my strength, but rather the strength you have given me.."

Time and time again I have managed to work that inner strength to do what is right, just, and strive for perfection.  While it is highly unachivable, it's a motivational self desire to want to become greater at everything. To work towards becoming that virtous woman of Proverbs.

2014 has already started with many great opportunites, work wise and personal.
This year, my ultimate goal is to have a plan, to have a nest of my own. To accept the small details of love, to cherish those given to me, and to renew that inner spirit of abundant love!

Most of you have known me for a few years now, I am very sporadic and am always appreciative of the gifts and talents I am able to share.  Many of you know, I am not your tipical average woman. There's more in me than you can imagine. 

I am blessed to have a strength of a wonder   woman, the speed of flash, the memory of Jane, and the patience of Ghandi. The thirst and hunger for adventure as Odysseus, am still learning on wisdom and selfishness :) (sometimes we need a little "me" time).

While I may not be "glamour" andfilled with   vanity, I leave the mundane worldly needs to those who hide behind layers of base and foundation... I wear the only beauty I was given. This is not for everyone, you must learn to accept the real you :)

I am that woman, who loves being herself and explore the world through any given means.  When I think about how many little talents God gave, I often wonder if God was humored when he began to put me together :)

He said, "I will make My MARIA special. She will be a chef by heart and taste, she will be an atlete by passion, she will be a writter by instinct, a survivor and warrior by choice, and she will be a mother by love... She will be my complete MARIA.  Creative, a giver of heart, a complete individual of self discovery and love..."

Like i said, I do belive God was humored :) and as the new year advances, I can only wish and hope to excel in establishing this year's purpose and determining where God wants me to be. If I can be of any inspiration to anyone or continue to be inspired by others...

Each year, as I sit and reflect of past years, I do feel God finds His ways of tweaking things in my life. Giving me new adventures, meeting more amazing people, being the true and honest ME... 

While I do plan on working on a few major projects, it is God's will and not mine. Hence I can only do what is humanly possible to be that woman of excellence.

Again, look back at the many routes and deviations my life has undergone... I have crossed many bridges, have climbed many walls, and have dug many graves to lay to rest the unecessary obstacles and decaying portions of life...

If you really think about it....you never fully get where you need to be, there's always something missing in that depth of your soul..we always want more, want less... Or want to discover more... You never reach that point of "completion" of full achivements. Something will always be "pending" in our lives... Try to fulfill those within reach and leave the untouchables for later...

I do believe that even in the death beds, I will probably question myself and say, "I never did this or compmeted that..." Its all human, to torment your soul with the unecessary things, yet, we want them.

..so here it is to 2014, may it be a surprise of abundant love, discoveries, enchantments, and of course purity in all! May I obtain an inner peace and strive for the best and nothing less.." 

Cheers! 


Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Time - "A Season To Plow"

"...And my soul danced beneath the bathing sun, my feet dug into the warmth and moist homeland... my nose rejoiced in the most delightful of smells of a recently plowed field.."

It was a hot and humid day.  The heat waves could be admired and appreciated by the distortion of images it created.  The sun was fierce, yet so delighting to sense the absorption of life itself become one in their bodies.

The cows had retreated towards the shades of the tiguilote trees.  There they could lay, swinging their tails as they shooed the flies off their face. You could even appreciate the nerves of relaxation as the cows' skin trembled as if a mini earthquake took place in an attempt to evade the flies and keep them off their landing gears.

Yet, as peaceful and un-eventful as a hot-lazy summer day seemed, across the fields ran the 5 ninos. The small wavy figures danced across the heat of the sun, racing top speed almost sprinting to catch safety from the scorching sun.  Their bare feet were accustomed to the hot and humid dusty-rocky trails.  One by one they crashed underneath the shade, dramatically collapsing and wiping their sweaty foreheads leaving the dusty-smeared fingerprints as they giggled away all at once almost to the point of exhaustion.

Their giggles and laughs were so mischievous, you could sense right away they were up to no good.  The plotting began, the grins on their faces stretched and their eyes glimmered away with emotion. Their glittery eyes reflected the joyful adventurer's desire to broaden their imagination of more excitement and memories of glorious glee. so they planned...

In that very moment , off into the distance you could hear the engine roar with might.  The dark figure moved horizontally back and forth, making careful turns.  To the kids bewilderment their hero was behind the wheel, their Papa Chico steered the tractor with such strength and yet with delicacy.  His straw hat looked damped from the sweat, the old man looked dehydrated, yet he had a mission: to finish plowing the land before the sun took refuge into the world of the unknown...a world of the un-inviting mystery and suspense.

As the tractor kept getting lowder, it was was evident it was getting closer..the children could see and admire how the blades were turning, plowing the land with high intensity, a new gadget capturing the amazement of the five minos.

They were fascinated...

The smell of the fresh dirt was so aromatic. It was powerful...it was as if the land knew that it needed to be fully impregnated into the memory of these nińos..it seemed as if the Land was predicting a future desire to want to bring back these nińos from their future, to become part of that memory of that frozen time...

They sat, they smelled, inhaling the goodness of their beloved land...

As the tractor plowed, so did the birds rejoice, hovering and flying low they stroke the soft dirt feasting with delight...picking at the fresh plowed land for any sign of food.  They flew in and out, and yet as loud as the tractor was, they seemed mesmerized by their hunger and need to replenish their energy...the engine roared with great might one last time until it finally came to a complete stop. Almost immediately, the children signaled with enthusiasm and high energy, off they dashed into the fresh plowed land, feeling as their feet dug into the fresh moist dirt.  dancing among the birds, swinging their arms freely, and carrying their joyous moments...they danced...moving their feet and jumping from the perfectly crafted rows...the dirt squeezed between their toes, it was as if their feet were dipping into the river bank and feeling the fresh water caress their toes with the current.

The vast land of freedom was open to their imagination.  It was a glorious manifestation of peace, purity, joy and the glittery laughter of all nińos cheered as they embraced their papa Chico while receiving the feel of a hard worker's moist...sweat, it was all in unison and love.

As they took a brief brake to spend that quality moment with their Papa Chico, to see his face, see the sweat roll down the wrinkles of his face, it was like staring at a king of decades ago....the wisdom lines expressed in his face, the burnt skin reflected of a man's hard dedication to provide for his family.  There they sat, feet up, arms up against their knees, and they listened to the sounds of the palpitating hearts...starting into the distance of a world of wonders as if eluding the current status into the thin air of magnificence and heavenly splendors, they daydreamed...they sipped water from a Cantaro [water jug], each taking turns and passing the jug around.  It's irrelevant to mention, that although the kids were amazed by the presence of such magnificent "toy," they refrained from touching the tractor.  It was silently acknowledged that they needed not be mischievous with artifacts that was beyond their comfort zone.  So they respected that and had no interest in "steering" or cracking the tractor on.

Oh the smells of purity, there the five nińos played in their sanctuary to their heart's delight, to satisfy their hunger for adventures as they absorbed the memories in the making while going along. So there they played, in their backyard of love...they enjoyed every moment and every minute...creating the moments of miraculous purity

"...as the vapor of a hot humid day began to disintegrate into the thin air, the sun hid his face, the cows and critters evacuated to their retreat and dome, so were the memories stored into the soul of the five nińos, instilled in the depth of their innocence of a life filled with sacrifices of learning..." 

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Closing a Door...

...."it seemed endless, the journey seemed painful, closure had to come..."

It has been said, that what you leave behind not on your own accord can torment you and draw you back. It is as if your body wonders an endless almost dark tunnel of uncertainty and insecurity.  Here's that story, an episode of that moment in the life of a young girl who lost her smile and obtained an insecure form of living.

She left.  Walking out of the only world and life she had ever known.  Her feet walked the trails one last time, her hands caressed the twigs of happiness and her eyes absorbed and captured the images of the eternal picturesque scenes of her future life.

It was the last time she felt the pain of a thorn stab her fingers, it was the last time her nostrils would sneeze the moist scent of the succulent smells of her world, the dirt of the callejones, the pollen of all tiguilote trees, the smell of every mango and fruit's that emerged the nectar of life, the marañones, the jocotes.  She did not realize how much she would miss those in the next life.

Her gaze was lost into the llanos of color and wild adventures of her time there.  One last time she ran her fingers across the Escovilla plants, the ones she used to tie together and make mines for the cousins to fall, the one plant she used to cut to make a broom....that small flower that impregnated her mind with an image of love.

She touched her silk blonde hair, wiped a few tears, took a deep breath and turned....walking into darkness into the new life of darkness, coldness, and empty.

Her thin legs and arms could have hugged on that Guayaba tree, she could've climbed that mango tree, yet they were no fort to protect her.  She had everything to be happy in a world of wonders, fairies, glorious glee, and above all her best friends, her cousins and siblings were there.

Her little golden round eyes were slowly diluting into a small grain of nothingness....

Her world forever changed.....

This is a snap shot of a vision never forgotten, of her departure of a beloved world she had come to love to be taken into a world of unknown.


"...she met her opponent, the giant, the fierce beast of darkness and loneliness...she fought.."

[I should've published something like this way before I started the blog, yet again, as you come to learn about me, I am sporadic and you will find a lot of things that will make you go back and forth.  That is the beauty of putting things in words.] 

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Christmas 2013

"The road was eternally long, yet paved with many laughs and tired souls..."

Every christmas we hope to accomplish new things, do things differently.Step aside   from the routine ways. 

Saturday morning, December 21st, we made up our mind to take off. The drive was going to be long, exhausting, and very exciting all at once. 

En route, we made a few pit stops, Maryland and then DC, then NY. While visiting with an amazing aunt, we learned that tragic things can be used as positive reinforcers. I realized that I had not been as involved as I have consumed my existence by work. 

A life threatening decease is hard to overcome, its by far harder to overcome when you are expectant of love, kindness, and the purity of support  yet those closest to you turn their back on you. 

I can honestly say, life can definitely throw you lemons... 

Sunday, we took off from MD to NY. 
Tolls were a killer, we spent over $60 one way. It was ridiculous! In any case, we go to the city, and went to eat at this pizzeria, Uruguayan style. The best. 
Then took off to Long island, going through 34th st. It was amazing the amount of people out on the street, walking, snapping pictures into the nightly sky. 

The lights flickered everywhere, signs illuminated,  the propagandas were incredible. The colors of the buildings, the structure, the people, and then came the horns. 

Taxis everywhere, the cabs blew their horns not because they saw an imminent danger, but because its traditional of NY. 
On we went avoiding getting rear ended, establishing our grounds, down the tunnels and into the new found land of a giant city swallowing the country little lives. 

Long Island, our final destination seemed almost unreachable. Three exhausted individuals rode into the island, wishing to hit a nice warm comfy bed. 

Finally, reached our destination, joy and a sigh of relief of great success were visible. 

Day 1: rained. We hanged out with the family and went shopping. Original plan: to visit the city while the temperature was decent and not freezing. 

Day 2: weather was not working with us. We purchased the train tickets too late. Seems the train would pass by at noon.  So we called it off and pre-planned it for Christmas morning. so as to not waste the day, we made tamales, food, and more food. Visited a few family members, and ate a lot. 
And then, there was snow!! ❄️❄️❄️
As fun as it seemed the best option was to day as far away as possible as to not get sick being out on the cold. 

Nonetheless, we enjoyed the bit that fell.

Day 3: christmas morning. House full of family, cousins, and food! We were ready for the adventure! 
Off we went into the giant city, to loose ourselves in the mundane world or earthly enjoyments and indulge in the essence of city inflicted pressures and rush. 

The day began, cold in the 17s degrees. Bundled, yet unprepared for the long day.  The 4 of us began our route, walking non-sensely into blocks of crowded people. From 34th st, the Penn Station to Madison Square Gardens, to the Public Library, to the empire state building.! (Gasping for air) Stoping at random stores to warm up along the way. It was cold! We made a stop at several stands to buy gloves, earmuffs, scarfs, and hot chocolate, hot dogs, and coffee.


Finding a bathroom was like searching for a lost wallet in the city. None anywhere around. The time limits on restaurants for sitting was 30minutes. Walking aroubd and listening was just as amazing as watching a movie in high definition- There were different types of people everywhere, cultures, and languages! Such a melting pot! So diverse, yet so intense and overwhelming. 

We took the train to go to Chinatown, following an older Chinese lady (we actually asked her if she was headed to Chinatown, not that we just tagged along) we were en-route. It was an incredible place, yet not as i imagined it to be. You could see where the "town" began and where it ended. The smell of dumplings, soups, grains, and seafood filled the mixture of sewer ventilators- created a scent of New York at its best. As you crossed the streets onto "butcher shops" you could see the "rostiserie" chickens complete with head and beaks. The ducks hanged lifelessly, all roasted, and fresh- you could appreciate the grease as it rolled down their "naked" golden lifelessly body. There was an old church, speakers were in place where the steeple should have been. The speakers were playing a melody, a chant, unrecognizable to my understanding of the language, yet  so intense and pure were the sounds of the speaker's voice: it was time for Mass. As crazy as the Mass sounded to my ears, the most incredible part was that the speakers faced the Chinatown blocks, and mean while you stood across the street on what had become part of little Italy, the mass was non-interfering with the other's side eloquent and fancy ways.

On the other side behind that church sat the arrogant and most fancy Little Italy. The finest, the smell of the pizzerias, you could almost taste the pasta flavors if you breathed in long enough. It was quaint, yet, seemed so rough around the edges, one thought came to mind "mafia" not to say that there were any, but it almost felt as though I would get to see Al Capone ride by and or hear the Italians speak in that fancy-rough way. Yet the sounds were of many languages and the aromas of cheeses took my mind into a world of lust over food. 

As the four of us walked down the streets, somewhat hungry, yet no restaurant or food called our attention. We opted to seek other adventures and Henry as the instigator, lead the way. We choose to figure out where ground zero was and how we could get there. With no map at hand, but rather a tourist guide, we figured we were close enough. I mean, it was visible. We asked for directions and of course, to a New Yorker, one to five blocks is nothing, as they say it with the intentions that you will take a train.... Yet, as silly as this may sound, we thought we could get there on foot.
2hours later and a few blocks later, we arrived. Found the 9/11 Memorial site. Our faces and bodies were so cold, stoping every so often to stretch and fix our scarves we continued... It felt even colder as the closer we got, the lesser amount of people we saw out on the streets. It seemed so empty, desolate, the buildings and their chaos gave the impression that a widow was still mourning.


Down the Ground Zero site, we made an sporadic decision to walk to 
Wall Street. I mean, we were already there, why not?

As the cold began to take its toll on my feet and back, we choose to go with the adventure. We were all cold.... 
As we made a pit stop at a McDonalds in Broadway st to relieve our bodily necessities, we overheard a gentleman explain the locations of certain tourist attractions: the bull of wall street. It was actually located at the end of Broadway and not wall street. So we went.


 Then as just as you thought the trip was over and we would have to head back, we heard a Colombian lady mention that the Staten Island Ferry was just down the road and then the KEY WORDS, "FREE Ride!" Not hesitsting, we went. As improvised as the trip seemed, we continued to add sightings. Upon arriving to the site, we approached a guard to ask bout the ferry and how we could hop onand return. Such a gentleman he was, he not only did he provide a good tip of which side to sit on, but also told us to be slick and fast to return on the same boat: 25mins one way and 25the other way. 
We greeted the Liberty lady, from afar, but also got to appreciate the magnificient view of the city at night and crossing the waterway.


I was astonished to the sorrounding beauty and glamour of such a huge city.

By the time we made it back across the wayer onto manhattan,  it was around 7:30ish. On general consensus we took the train back to the original area of reunion. Yet, another idea crossed our heads, we had not seen the Rockefeller center nor the tree. Off we went,took the train to 52nd st.  

We were exhausted!!! Glad to find a seat, we goofed off:



Next stop: Rockefeller center: the temperatures had dropped drastically. What seemed cold began to freeze us even more. We walked about 6blocks from train station to the center. The amount of peopme was overwhelming! I got steped on, a dad carrying his child on his neck accidentally almost knocked me to the ground. 

It was all worth it though! The site of the magnificient, highly iluminated tree gave way to a world of magic and precious imagination. 


As we waited for the "show" we realized that there was no such show, but rather kids and parents who were well qualified financially to get the privileged to skate on the ice infront of thousands of people were the only ones participating.

Considering the extreme temperatures and our lack of preparedness for it, we decided to to call it the night. We had mde the teip worthwhile while improvising on everything. Got to see and walk like dumb idiots all around Manhattan. 
E were tired ... we ran to our train starion- the Penn Station (lierally ran), as the second to last of the late traind was maki ng it last calls. From 52nd to 34th street, it was a goos 20plus minutes of walk. 

My feet and back felt like they would explode. The pain was intense, yet I wanted to get home and rest. 

We rushed and hoped on the first train we could. Fortunately, it was the right train!

And so, as we rode in total laugher and fun, we entertained all those around us. None of us slept, but rather laughed non stop!

It was a great time had by all! Hungry and as cold as we were, we were satisfied of a great teip. If ever a next time, it will be during the spring! 

And as i close this mini vacation dialogue, note that the second version of DC TIME is just a few scrolls away! Tba! 


See you soon NY!!!