A constant Battle

When a battle breaks out, its normally when two parties or more disagree and cannot come to a consensus.

Life itself can be a battle on its own, choosing to do the right thing over going the oposite direction. When a choice is given, someone has to stop along the way and decide or engage into a debate...

I am in that debate right now. stuck at a point in life where I have no idea where to go, how to continue, and make some necessary changes. It has been a long road, I have felt it coming, I have dismissed the signals, crossed a few red lights, and yet here I am.

I feel as though i am a coward, lacking that womanhood of being that virtuous woman that proclaims herself the ultimate fight, I feel I have lost that courage somewhere in the battle.

Where's that spark of motivation?! Who stole those moments of my life that were so precious, the moments that meant more than any precious jewel?!? Who was the thief that caged my heart and stored it away, only to be hidden from the one wondering soul, my soul.

Its very hard to be faithful and honest to oneself, Especially for me, now.  I have always done what is best for everyone and everyone has never appreciated the sacrifices, instead they want more. Yet here I am, battling to be selfish for once and regain control of my own life.

How to break the chains that are holding me down? 

I know I have that "David" in me, somewhere, ready to fight the giant that is pressing on me. Just one problem, I am not as equally strong or brave.   

I have a deep desiree to be set free and never look back, make that decision or mistake, but grow as a woman and finally give back to me what is mine, my own dignity and self worth.  At times I do believe God planned it out very meticulously, left out the part of selfishness in me, arrogancy, and made me too compassionate and giving.  Often that can be my greatest torture. My sinful desire to always want to reward someone, sinful? maybe that is a poor choice of words. 

I know what I want, but getting there is tough, I have quite a few road blocks and a few stumbles to make. A few rivers to cross, and a few stones to turn. Sounds like a long way, but it really isn't, its a matter of perspective and attitude. Right now, my confidence is not 100% fully charged, but am working on it.  The batteries of my life have been drained, my love tank is empty, somewhere along the way someone forgot I too have desires necessities, dreams, passions, and goals to strive for. 

Me a perfect woman? Hardly, God created me just as I am, got to refine a few skills, guides, and find a true inspiration and of course locate that purpose that somehow got misplaced along the way, but yes, I had it once... And I will have it again. This battle within me, soon shall be over, and I will crown myself with true self worth and value the crown of freedom. To proclaim victory over these giants of deception and greed.

God was cautious when He built me, He knew very well I would be here and knew I would struggle some, but in the end He knows I will be well. While to most women the wealth of life and vanity of the world is most important: to have the looks, make up, a body, being well dressed and have their bank accounts secured, I work to establish my self worth and dignity far above any worldly creations. Sure money helps and all, but if that makes you un happy then you have nothing at all.

I want to smile, laugh, love and give of me from what God has given me, while also working hard to be a professional and make my living. I want to be a independent woman.
I have come a long way to stop and feel pity over myself and to grieve what has not been lost, but gained.

This is my battle, an emotional turmoil swirling around me...making me a woman, welcoming me into a new phase of life. Insecurities? sure I have them.  Will that hunt me down? Will I struggle?
I think I have been missing a lot of my life pretending to be someone I am not. I gave so much, invested so much, to get to this one stopping point: I have no reward.  Should I? No. I have failed to be true to myself and true to others. The love that once bloomed within me, slowly became a dying ember. The flower that once bloomed in precious exotic colors, faded.

Who have I been?

So here I am, allowing my heart to pour the bits and pieces of brokenness...know that I am faithful to my belief of survival, and God's eternal promise...He is with me.


[written a while back...]

Overcoming a Challenge

"Its suffocating me, it's tightening, its screaming to be set free..."

It is not easy to figure things out when you have a huge decision and you don't know what to do, much less alone.

I have been there and find myself in that spot. Struggling. Struggling through episodes of life where things seem endless and painful.  My heart is undergoing series of open heart surgeries: am bleeding internally and somehow I have mananged to keep composure. Everyone is oblivious to the fact or my self. Its as if being a complete invisible being, no one dares ask or say, perhaps they dont know what to say or simply ignore.  Truth is, I feel alone in a battle.

In a way, it is all ok.  I know that I do not need an army to help me, I jus need myself...just as David stood in front of Goliath, here I am.  Standing in front of that chapter of my life, that new challenge and adventure of walking life handicapped.  Never had I felt this alone in life. I do not wish to "complain," I do not need approval or anyone to agree with me, I just want someone to be truthful, honest and simply hold my hand. What is happening? a lot.  

I just need patience, guidance, and truthfulness!

Lately, my heart has sunken into the depth of the cold ocean floor.  Life is changing for the better, and life will get better. Meanwhile, I must undergo a series of trials and tests of faith.  I know things will brighten up and I will be lead to purity and will find peace within.

I can see the light, its coming, I am simply here absorbing the moments of life and praying for clarity, for purity, and for comfort.  I am not grieving a death, but rather healing a broken heart.  

A Messenger

"...and in silence I sat, feeling as the weight pressed on my shoulders..."

As I sat inside my car, I could do nothing more than sit back and feel as the tears came, washing my tired face and feeling as the weight pressed on my emotions. It was a moment of faith, a moment of endurance, to feel as betrayal wanted to settle, yet I knew and felt I was stronger. The tears had to roll, to vent and let them wash away any impossible thought out of my system. 

It felt as though slowly I could feel the weight lifting, I sat in silence and prayed. Mumbling the words as they made no sense, yet my heart needed to drop all I knew...at that moment in that parking lot alone, feeling as though nothing else mattered but my humble and impatient heart that cried out for a bit of light. There I sat, in my car, in my bubble not caring for who would see this tiresome girl cry. Instead I hoped they would only glance and keep going, maybe whisper a prayer of peace, but I wasn't sure...I did not pay attention to passer bys. 

It was a moment of humility, acceptance of my own self worth and acceptance of the changes that needed to come and need to take place. I felt that moment of peace and simply cried because I could not do anything else. 

Last year i was forcefully dismissed of a passion I had. It hurt, went through a series of changes of learning to walk alone and learnt to slowly regain that freedom and self confidence in doing something that was well worth. Spent a good bit of time searching for jobs, depressed, but did not sink in or give up. I knew there was something out there. I was blessed and given a good opportunity, I have learnt to revive my spirit... I made it through that stage.

Now I am facing a different type of challenge, one difficult to express and put into words. Sometimes, the changes must come and we have to bear the consequences with those challenges and obstacles. I am working hard not to fail. I know that regardless of what changes take place or what used to be, there is no time that can be said has been wasted. Each episode is a learning curve, I have grown to become a woman with a stronger heart, passion, virtue, and also a woman of truth and dignity. I have endured a lot and continue to feel those tests, yet I know God is teaching me how to love whole heartedly and passionately... 

This journey will take me through roads I have never walked, to experience many excitedly adventures, re-discovering what it feels like to be a woman and be valued. To learn to love myself and meet my own needs. I am my own lover and seek to fulfill my desires for God's adventures and  plans. 

So there I was, feeling the seasons of change and growth, a rejuvenating stage that has to undergoe multiple steps to flourish new and fresh.

In order to change I must be reborn of the spirit and learn to love again from step one and continue to embrace and love regardless of the many broken hearts. It is normal, and nothing is a waste of time... No time is lost... its a gain to feel as this heart gets molded into something new. 

"...I closed my eyes, and I felt you near, as you whispered .."you are beautiful inside and out...you are mine.."

"EYES OF A DREAMER"

"...her eyes were like an agata de fuego: brown almost golden eyes, sweet, delicate, and dreamy.."

Too often I have been asked: where are you from? That is the standard question, always love when people ask instead of assuming. However, the majority of the time I get the most intriguing of questions: are you Asian? Japanese? Philipine? Etc.. 

Its always fun and very entertaining when getting these very surprised individuals when they ask, they wait to hear the response as eagerly as if they were winning some big bucks! Ja!

My ultimate and most favorite episode happened when I used to work at Home Depot. A Chinese gentleman walks in, spends a good bit of time trying to communicate, sees me and his face lights up almost immediately: says, "you!" Pointing at me very excitedly as he makes his way towards me, continues to say, "YOU! chinese!" you Chinese!" 

Before I could even open my mouth to speak, he proceeds to talk to me in Chinese. I was flattered, yet confused I looked at him... Not giving me a chance to say a word he kept talking to me. 

I felt so bad and so terrified as this gentleman continued to speak and could not identify in my expression the fact I was not understanding a word he kept saying.  I grabbed his hand in a caring compassionate manner said I am not Chinese and tried in hand motions to expain I could not understand him. 

He could not believe it, refused to believe it! And he insisted I was Chinese. I began to say Spanish! Mexican!" Yes, I did admit to being Mexican as it was simply to explain! To ease the commotion I grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil, asked him to draw what he was looking for.

It was a humorous, yet heart felt moment. Its a strange feeling when you want to be helpful and want to understand everyone and every language, yet I was helpless. I learnt that day, that I am like a magnet to the diverse cultures, I love listening and hearing their languges, appreciate their beauty of culture and most importantly as human beings. Nothing brings me more satisfaction than to know I have somehow communicated in a way they (cultures), understand and make a positive acquaintance in the process.  

When someone looks at my eyes, its like they are trying to read what's in my head. Some people just stand there, you can almost see their brain wheels turning trying to be delicate and unoticed... Yet they get caught squinting and trying to figure it out.

When they learn I am Latina, they are shocked! Had a gentleman from Mexico one time mesmerized with the fact I spoke Spanish! He said, "wow! You Asians learn so fast and well!" I asked where he thought I was from...China he said.  So I recalled a few words I had learned and thanked him in chinese, told him I was from Shuangzi! Jajajja

Ah! I get good giggles when that happens. 

These eyes are eyes of a dreamer. Eyes that see far and deeper than the outer surface... These eyes, look into the beauty of an inner person and not the worldy and superficial shells of life.

I am blessed :)

And will continue to be amused andamuse  others:) 

The Universe is the Limit

Dare to dream, dream big. Admire the beauty of the stars, allow for tears to flow endlessly and don't be ashamed to taste the bitterness of failure at any one point. 

Serendipity, why? 

The sky is never the limit. There is more out there than we can see, there is a huge world of magic, there's room to fly and grow out there.

I want my wings back, I want to learn to fly high and have no fear of falling.  I want to be there... To be brave, to be a fighter.

I want to feel the rain dance on my face and caress my lips, mix with the rain and tears, feel as my mind and soul are set free. Serendipity, destiny? Coincidence?

Its one of those nights where life feels a bit stale. Am missing that sprinkle of fall, life, yearning to smell the oven filled with goodies...yet I sit in a couch embracing my pillows for support, hearing as the dog breathes by my feet and knowing he is a faithful confidant...

...the night is young, yet I am feeling a bit crippled and old... i would love to be out and Walk beneath the moon and stars ...a reason to be out... To feel as the evening sets its mystery of endless adventures... I want to explore the enchanted moments of purity, passion, and discoveries...

Yet I feel I am confined to a couch. Have zero motivation to get dressed and explore alone. I want to feel sexy and beautiful, wear my red dress and heals and head out into the darkness for a night's passionate revelation... To be that lone explorer... 

I want to shed the old me and become new.... Like a cicada... 

"...everything has a purpose...life, experiences, emotions... Lessons are learned..."

Figuring life, flipping stones

Its hard to believe that time goes by so fast. Things are not always what we dream or expect. This is why I have learnt not to be expectant of life, people, or anything other than what I harvest from the seeds I have planted. So I am cautious in the ways I plant my seeds, where they are planted and try to sustain them.  

I for one have failed drastically at being real and truthful to myself and have disappointed not only myself but others. Life has thrown many curve balls my way and I have tried to dodge as many, yet I know that the best way is to observe, be patient, and hit that perfect home run. How do I do this again? Never played softball, so its a challenge! I can bat, but its not the same thing! There are rules, strategies, and plays to make...uhmmm, help?

I am uncertain about a lot of things except for one: change must come. I have to be brave and be a woman of truth and courage. I have to make the changes take place if I want to see myself overcome a lot of these downfalls.

To learn is to also give up the tormenting parts of life. Its been a long road, difficult, cannot complain as I know these have been tests of faith and courage...remind me again who am I doing this for? Right, myself. My dignity and self respect! 

Its been a mad roll-a-coaster ride and trust me, I hate roll-a-coasters!  things have been upside down for way too long and its time I took ownership of my life, value myself a little more and respect my own dreams and desires. To value myself in the way others have failed to appreciate me and the little/big deeds I have gone out of my way to do for them. Again this is part of that "expectation" I failed at. I gave whole heartedly, expecting nothing, yet deep within me, thought, well maybe they will notice my hard work or sacrifice! Wrong. The more I do, the more they want. 

Not sure why and all of the sudden I have been faced with many challenging situations, I have had my feelings crushed time and time again. Have easily dismissed those episodes and try to be the better person, however, its time to riot and stand up for what I want, to crown myself owner of my life and set my soul free. To be victorious and fly among the clouds, feel my imperfections and appreciate my honor and strong will.

Its a hard task, its not easy being in my shoes, however, have learned that I must take ownership of my lack of decision making and also acepting my failures. I cannot be proud of life and proud in an arrogant way to say i have succeeded would be major downfall- when in reality I have nothing to show for.

Yes, I have achieved many beautiful and wonderful attributes of life, my skills and abilities of being a full blown woman: with honesty, sincerity, faithfulness, and of course the plus of who I am... A kindred spirited individual who seeks to do best for others and be a leader.  However, I know I am still missing half of me, my God and Savior...

I expect a huge rush of emotions and I will have a huge gap and huge hit to my heart...we will see what happens, but this time GOD IS IN CONTROL.

I have handed over my worries, heart and soul to HIM.

He is the crafter of my life... make me broken, mold me and help me reach that part of life... Where you want me to be. Reveal the truth in me. Reveal my reality and dreams. This is my prayer to you my Lord. 

I trust in YOU my Lord, my guidance. Everything will be ok. 

A lonely track

Sometimes life can be a lonely track, rusted with time, aged through the many changing and evolving weathers. 

It sits there waiting for something to make it useful, to feel fulfilled... 

Life is like these train tracks, we endure the many weathers of life, tests of faith, the never ending obstacles of dangers... Yet we are firm... Waitibg patiently for the savior... For a life of fulfillment...

Even while visitors may approach, at the end, life is still but an empty track waiting to be that useful reaource... 

I am feeling like these tracks... Old and rusty... With only hopes for a better tomorrow sitting on a crowded place, but feeling lonely at the end... 

The Ghost in Me

"...lost in the mist of a dream..."

A tear rolls down my eyes remembering the past... I was told (by an unsuspected source) never should I focus on living life from memories of the past.  Instead to sit back and live the current moments of wonders and joy.  I do believe that person is right on target.. however, it is difficult to file away those episodes of life when time and time again, my dreams are haunted by the memories...

It is a wise choice to dismiss the processed moments of life that I so selfishly retain to connect to those I left behind. To find closure and break free.  As the tears invade my human emotions and they emerge almost immediately blinding me, I hear the sounds of sweet surrender.

It's a repetitive dream because nothing will ever be the same.  It's a phase, a moment in time where a gap was created never to be filled, a void waiting for something to fill it's place.

As the night falls, so does the re-ocurring dream, taking me back many days ago...into the distance of coldness and as the stars mock my every move, guiding me like a spark of life into a frozen moment of youth.

Another night, another dream,...so fast, the rhythm of life moves my very core.

The life of a girl long-long ago left in total emptiness.  Now I gaze back to you trying to dismiss the dreams, yet as dreams re-occur I talk to you and you share your passions of love and journeys...it feels like a vision, reality of truth...

My heart beats a little faster, hearing you, seeing you in my dreams.  It dances lost in the night's understanding of truth, love, and passion and compassionate understanding.  As I close my eyes I see you standing there, your image, your eyes staring back at me.  As silence itself you refrain from sharing your heart's desire, regardless your eyes translate your ultimate passion to never forget about this person - this young girl trapped in a world of distance and dances...

I dare to take your hand and walk with me as the sand brushes away through our feet.... It's only a vision of the young me gazing back to me wishing to meet half way. 

Yes, sounds insane for me to say such things, however, it was a stage of life where it left me without that important part of who I am... That void was left open and as the dreams come, they try very desperately to seal the gaps, heal the wounds, and empathize with a wonderibg soul.

"...and the ghost became me, identifying the moments of love, passion, and youth...the ghostly emotions became the nourishment of a day's inspirations to become a better person...as she was starting back at me..." 

A moment to Live

It has been a strange week. Lots to do, business at work... 

On another note, the giant woke last weekend, the heart felt a sudden drive. It was a strange beat, the heart began palpitating a little faster, the stomach felt uneasy, and the...nerves seemed to twitch everywhere...

It was like the heart got raptured into a world of illusions, dreams, and sudenly they became real...

It has been an exciting last few weeks. Lots of great progress in my life, work, and of course my ego has been renewed! Not sure that is a good thingg or not. It is more like I have been empowered, set free, a huge burden has been lifted and my heart and mind has been set free.

God knows what HE does and the many blessings He sends is because HE has showed us HIS truths.

On the other hand, there have been a few up and downs, however not sufficiently impacting to re-adjust this positive note.

God is great and although my heart has strayed and is still trying to find a way back to HIM, He has not let me down or forgotten about me, my family, and friends.

With that said, I would love to have you pray over my household, for wisdom, mental sanity with all of the craziness around us, and of course for us to continue to seek more of HIM. And also to remind us that regardless of all the tests to our hearts, that HE Will lead us through safety and unison.

LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES, you never know what you are going to get until you take the first bite! 

 

Crippled Heart

There are things that are difficult to say and others who flow almost immediately and fluently... 

Today, I am not myself. It's an overwhelming feeling of distance. My soul is floating somewhere, taken as if by a breeze that took a fresh new spirit of life out someone. It feels as though my corpse, my dried carcass is simply carrying out a duty and it is moving by default and inertia, not by any desire of wanting to be there.

The mind is absent, the body is not.

....There are moments in life when all else means nothing.

Its been a few dificcult last few days, hard to explain, but just have not been my energetic self. My world seems grey and un-real. 

It is equally difficult to say I am thankful. Life at this moment has no meaning and my motivation flushed somewhere. 

My heart feels crippled. This is the first time I can honestly attest to feeling such coldness and not be able to trigger the conspirator of my low energy. 

My smile has been placed on temporary leave, my energy took a dive, and my thankfulness for a daily's journey has vacated the premises.

This is by far the first time I will post something of this nature and of my weakness. It's unusual, to feel a void. To feel defeated by whatever it is that is pressing down on me.

I have lowered my head and bent the knees, have thrown my arms down and simply wait.  Feels as though those most important simply have taken a route of forgetfulness and distance. 

Today, I am not myself, and the inner me, cries out to find that joy and sunshine around me. It is rather abnormal and very sureal to feel this crippled. 

The muscles of my face are tense, waiting eagerly to smile, my ears to hear your voice and my heart to feel your peace. Today more than ever, I am in need of YOU! 

"There comes a time, where pride must be set aside, where the tears must roll down the path of endless ventures and simply let go of what is known and untrue..."

Amarte con toda Naturaleza

"...el amor... Te captiva, llenandote de muchas sensaciones y locas iluciones.."

Love, its a standard term used to express someone's inner sensations, emptions, feelings for the oposite sex (or same sex - now a days all is fair game, or so it seems).  This word is becoming less and less efective, with no meaning and no true definition. 

"I love you, love that, love this..." Really, when it comes to hearing those words without the truth of sincerity, without that additive emotion that suggests the depthness of honesty, it becomes stale. 

In a sense, I can say i am highly blessed to know and be familiarized with multiple languages. To the point where I can sincerely and honestly define my love with more sentiments, passion, pureness of a sincere and truthful heart, not to disqualify that someone who only speaks one language can not express with clarity their message of love.  

Seems that now a days we "allocate" the word we want to use to refer to a love one... Someone we cherish and admire, an individual who makes us feel complete, whole, and want nothing less than ro feel those butterflies each time... We choose a term of kindred spirited thoughts to define "love"

"You are my sweet pea, my teddy bear, "the one", the spirit of my soul, the jewel, my princess/prince..." We hear these used commonly, my "honey." These are those replacements to say "I love you."

What is your chosen word?

So yes, for me, LOVE is amar passionately, whole heartedly and be fully involved :)

The below is a random "poem or expression of my heart.."

"Amarte es la dulsura de mi paladar...
la miel que acarisea mis labios...
besar tus labios y perderme en un mundo de sueños y colores...
Llegar a ti y sentir el aroma de tu ser, vestir tus iluciones, y soñar despierta en tus brazos...
....eso es amarte a ti..."

"Ver el brillo de tus ojos reflejar tu mundo...
Ver como apasionadamente me gritan los deseos de tu corazon... 
Amarte, es sentir como mis pies se elevan al cielo...
sentir que mi cuerpo pierde todo peso y se eleva lentamente con solo tu mirada...

"Amarte, es tenerte tan cerca sin importar la cuan lejos estes de mi... 
Amarte significa caminar las tierras de este mundo junto a ti...
Volar entre los vientos, seguir tus huellas hasta el fin del mundo....
desafiar las olas del mar, y seguir la luz del Sol...

"Amarte tanto parece ser un pecado...
Una ilucion, una mentira de mi mente...
Sentir tu presencia sin que estes ahi...
Amarte es un deseo de mi corazon...
Intentando llenar un espacio tan vacio
Tan triste...
Amarte es morir de amor...

2014 a New Season Of life

Its already January, the "resolutioners" have come out and have found some kind of motivation for the month to do something for themselves and try to uphold that "personal goal/promise."

I don't have a personal "resolution" for this year. I have a LIFE resolution to meet and continue to up hold. Sure, many of you could disagree that everyone works towards the same motives and life expectations, the "normal" things of life.  I must ask you though, "are they really normal for everyone?"

What is my Life Resolution: to continue to be that tool of God, to be that transparent, unselfish individual who strives to better herself in the personal arena, spiritual, and financial.

2013 was yet another year of trials and tribulations. As you might have read, I tend to get lots of "tests of Faith" and often I sit there wondering, "really God?" How many more tests of Faith must I overcome to show you and all those skeptical souls out there that I can doall through YOU? That it is not my strength, but rather the strength you have given me.."

Time and time again I have managed to work that inner strength to do what is right, just, and strive for perfection.  While it is highly unachivable, it's a motivational self desire to want to become greater at everything. To work towards becoming that virtous woman of Proverbs.

2014 has already started with many great opportunites, work wise and personal.

This year, my ultimate goal is to have a plan, to have a nest of my own. To accept the small details of love, to cherish those given to me, and to renew that inner spirit of abundant love!

Most of you have known me for a few years now, I am very sporadic and am always appreciative of the gifts and talents I am able to share.  Many of you know, I am not your tipical average woman. There's more in me than you can imagine. 

I am blessed to have a strength of a wonder   woman, the speed of flash, the memory of Jane, and the patience of Ghandi. The thirst and hunger for adventure as Odysseus, am still learning on wisdom and selfishness :) (sometimes we need a little "me" time).

While I may not be "glamour" andfilled with   vanity, I leave the mundane worldly needs to those who hide behind layers of base and foundation... I wear the only beauty I was given. This is not for everyone, you must learn to accept the real you :)

I am that woman, who loves being herself and explore the world through any given means.  When I think about how many little talents God gave, I often wonder if God was humored when he began to put me together :)

He said, "I will make My MARIA special. She will be a chef by heart and taste, she will be an atlete by passion, she will be a writter by instinct, a survivor and warrior by choice, and she will be a mother by love... She will be my complete MARIA.  Creative, a giver of heart, a complete individual of self discovery and love..."

Like i said, I do belive God was humored :) and as the new year advances, I can only wish and hope to excel in establishing this year's purpose and determining where God wants me to be. If I can be of any inspiration to anyone or continue to be inspired by others...

Each year, as I sit and reflect of past years, I do feel God finds His ways of tweaking things in my life. Giving me new adventures, meeting more amazing people, being the true and honest ME... 

While I do plan on working on a few major projects, it is God's will and not mine. Hence I can only do what is humanly possible to be that woman of excellence.

Again, look back at the many routes and deviations my life has undergone... I have crossed many bridges, have climbed many walls, and have dug many graves to lay to rest the unecessary obstacles and decaying portions of life...

If you really think about it....you never fully get where you need to be, there's always something missing in that depth of your soul..we always want more, want less... Or want to discover more... You never reach that point of "completion" of full achivements. Something will always be "pending" in our lives... Try to fulfill those within reach and leave the untouchables for later...

I do believe that even in the death beds, I will probably question myself and say, "I never did this or compmeted that..." Its all human, to torment your soul with the unecessary things, yet, we want them.

..so here it is to 2014, may it be a surprise of abundant love, discoveries, enchantments, and of course purity in all! May I obtain an inner peace and strive for the best and nothing less.." 

Cheers! 

Time - "A Season To Plow"

"...And my soul danced beneath the bathing sun, my feet dug into the warmth and moist homeland... my nose rejoiced in the most delightful of smells of a recently plowed field.."

It was a hot and humid day.  The heat waves could be admired and appreciated by the distortion of images it created.  The sun was fierce, yet so delighting to sense the absorption of life itself become one in their bodies.

The cows had retreated towards the shades of the tiguilote trees.  There they could lay, swinging their tails as they shooed the flies off their face. You could even appreciate the nerves of relaxation as the cows' skin trembled as if a mini earthquake took place in an attempt to evade the flies and keep them off their landing gears.

Yet, as peaceful and un-eventful as a hot-lazy summer day seemed, across the fields ran the 5 ninos. The small wavy figures danced across the heat of the sun, racing top speed almost sprinting to catch safety from the scorching sun.  Their bare feet were accustomed to the hot and humid dusty-rocky trails.  One by one they crashed underneath the shade, dramatically collapsing and wiping their sweaty foreheads leaving the dusty-smeared fingerprints as they giggled away all at once almost to the point of exhaustion.

Their giggles and laughs were so mischievous, you could sense right away they were up to no good.  The plotting began, the grins on their faces stretched and their eyes glimmered away with emotion. Their glittery eyes reflected the joyful adventurer's desire to broaden their imagination of more excitement and memories of glorious glee. so they planned...

In that very moment , off into the distance you could hear the engine roar with might.  The dark figure moved horizontally back and forth, making careful turns.  To the kids bewilderment their hero was behind the wheel, their Papa Chico steered the tractor with such strength and yet with delicacy.  His straw hat looked damped from the sweat, the old man looked dehydrated, yet he had a mission: to finish plowing the land before the sun took refuge into the world of the unknown...a world of the un-inviting mystery and suspense.

As the tractor kept getting lowder, it was was evident it was getting closer..the children could see and admire how the blades were turning, plowing the land with high intensity, a new gadget capturing the amazement of the five minos.

They were fascinated...

The smell of the fresh dirt was so aromatic. It was powerful...it was as if the land knew that it needed to be fully impregnated into the memory of these nińos..it seemed as if the Land was predicting a future desire to want to bring back these nińos from their future, to become part of that memory of that frozen time...

They sat, they smelled, inhaling the goodness of their beloved land...

As the tractor plowed, so did the birds rejoice, hovering and flying low they stroke the soft dirt feasting with delight...picking at the fresh plowed land for any sign of food.  They flew in and out, and yet as loud as the tractor was, they seemed mesmerized by their hunger and need to replenish their energy...the engine roared with great might one last time until it finally came to a complete stop. Almost immediately, the children signaled with enthusiasm and high energy, off they dashed into the fresh plowed land, feeling as their feet dug into the fresh moist dirt.  dancing among the birds, swinging their arms freely, and carrying their joyous moments...they danced...moving their feet and jumping from the perfectly crafted rows...the dirt squeezed between their toes, it was as if their feet were dipping into the river bank and feeling the fresh water caress their toes with the current.

The vast land of freedom was open to their imagination.  It was a glorious manifestation of peace, purity, joy and the glittery laughter of all nińos cheered as they embraced their papa Chico while receiving the feel of a hard worker's moist...sweat, it was all in unison and love.

As they took a brief brake to spend that quality moment with their Papa Chico, to see his face, see the sweat roll down the wrinkles of his face, it was like staring at a king of decades ago....the wisdom lines expressed in his face, the burnt skin reflected of a man's hard dedication to provide for his family.  There they sat, feet up, arms up against their knees, and they listened to the sounds of the palpitating hearts...starting into the distance of a world of wonders as if eluding the current status into the thin air of magnificence and heavenly splendors, they daydreamed...they sipped water from a Cantaro [water jug], each taking turns and passing the jug around.  It's irrelevant to mention, that although the kids were amazed by the presence of such magnificent "toy," they refrained from touching the tractor.  It was silently acknowledged that they needed not be mischievous with artifacts that was beyond their comfort zone.  So they respected that and had no interest in "steering" or cracking the tractor on.

Oh the smells of purity, there the five nińos played in their sanctuary to their heart's delight, to satisfy their hunger for adventures as they absorbed the memories in the making while going along. So there they played, in their backyard of love...they enjoyed every moment and every minute...creating the moments of miraculous purity

"...as the vapor of a hot humid day began to disintegrate into the thin air, the sun hid his face, the cows and critters evacuated to their retreat and dome, so were the memories stored into the soul of the five nińos, instilled in the depth of their innocence of a life filled with sacrifices of learning..."