"...su corazon empezo a resvalar, su alma aclamava por vida, su espiritu se rindio...entre la profundidad, ahi, muy lejos una luz brillo y inalo un ultimo suspiro...buscando esa vida..."
Tal parece que en esta vida aprendemos a vivir con lo que la sociedad nos pide y no con lo que nuestros corazones necesitan. La belleza, la lujuria, la vanidad, tan solo son cosas de un par de minutos de satisfaccion...lo puro, lo divino, y verdadero es aquello que vive con nosotros...los recuerdos de aquellos momentos que nos impulsaron a tener lo que en el presente se vive...
Aprendemos a obtener sabiduria, a recivir y dar amor. Aprendemos a que el corazon siente, y que el alma vive con cada respiro y suspiro de sueños inalcanzables.
Esta es su historia, de sacrificios, de su vida en el mundo del engaño, en un mundo de soledad y inseguridad....
---------------------------------------------------
LA FORTALEZA y la INSEGURIDAD de Esa Fortaleza
Ella tan solo pedia amor, honestidad, sinceridad, y valor...
Donde se fueron aquellas iluciones y esperanzas de vida repleta de amor, con iluciones de crecer una familia? donde se fueron aquellos momentos de brillo, de paz y tranquilidad, de risas y alregria?
Se acerca la Navidad, pero su corazon esta mas frio que nunca. Su alma dejo de cantar los canticos de felicidad, dejo que las tormentas de hielo, granizo, y furia invadieran su ser. Como dice la cancion de Mana, no ha parado de llover...sus ojos han creado un rio con fuertes corrientes y su nibel continua creciendo con cada lagrima derramada.
Sus sueños han sido invadidos con llantos, con insomio...pero tan solo suspira...como si gritara a los cuatro vientos que le otorgaran un pedacito de su vida.
Ella emprendio su viaje, preparandose sobre un velero de mucha fortaleza...firme, grande y equipado para llevarla atravezar los oceanos de prueba...el velero era su vida, su amor, su fortaleza....aunque sin mapa, ella penso llegar a su destino sobre el velero y todos sus tripulantes...
Las mareas estan mas fuertes, el mar no deja de combatir los vientos, los seres vivientes y los tripulantes se alejan y la dejan sola para luchar contra las fuertes olas que la empujan aun mas lejos hacia una soledad inesperada. Ella cayo al mar, perdida..sola...y nadie se dio cuenta de su aucencia... Ahi, queda ella, cubierta de las emociones de todo aquello que algun dia penso amar. Que con todo lo que ella se esforzo, con mucho que ella trabajo para preparar ese velero, no le sirvio de mucho...las tormentas fueron mas grandes y feroces. Ahora solo queda ese sentimiento de que estubo segura en un tiempo, de que el Velero la supo llevar solo a un lugar adecuado y luego la dejo naufragada....en un abrir y cerrar de ojos, sus iluciones, sus aspiraciones fueron arrojadas a la pronfundidad de aquel mar.
Y ahi quedo, esperando el rescate...en completa oscuridad...ella quedo ahogandose en su propio llanto, apunto de darse por vencida...pero espera...con esperanzas de que el Velero que la arrojo al mar, no la abandone por completo...
Y asi, lo que fue su gran sacrificio, solo la llevo a un mundo lejano, donde todo quedo fuera de su alcanze, su vida, su sueños, quedaron muy lejos...solo quedo esa virtud de sobre vivencia...para algun dia si rescadada, pueda levantarse y seguir adelante.
-----------------------------------------
Mujer, deja la anciedad, corre a tu torre vive, deja que tu principe azul, llegue, pero no esperes para siempre..deja que tu corazon viva y continue dando de lo mas profundo que es el bello amor que resalta por doquier.
-----------------------------------------
Su suspiro aclamaba vida...su vida gritaba por amor...por valor, y fuerzas para luchar contra las corrientes de aquel mar inestable, y luchar contra la oscuridad invasora...ahi quedo esperando...esperando que su voz fuera escuchada, que su ser fuera levantado de aquel frio eterno y que su vida fuera rescatada....
"...vive...ella penso...dandose asi misma el valor y fuerza para alcanzar aquella luz lejana...un sueño de vivir y amar eternamente...vive repitio...suspirando y gritandole a la oscuridad que ella era mas fuerte que la soledad en la cual la arropaban..vive...vive...vive..."
NOTA:
Esto es una historia sin comienzo, sin fin, sin ningun punto...es una narracion de un sueño...
PD. Les digo que hay cabeza para ser creativa :) Espero les guste.
Folly Beach
1/23/11 - Maria
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
RUN AWAY & SAVE YOUR LIFE
"Run Away..run away if you want to survive...."
OFF INTO THE MERCY of the UNKNOWN
It all began on a late evening, date, time, and day unknown...but it was late. The five ninos seemed to come to a conclusion that it was time to run away. Their mind was made up, they light the "living" room with a CANDIL - a gas like item used to light the house, there they sat, motionless..no one uttered a word. Eventually they talked to their Papa Chico of what their plans were, the one and only person they trusted at that time, he was the only one that knew what these witty hearts were up to...
It was 4:30am, and the older kids were up and ready, they chased around the chickens they had grown, one by one they were placed in the Canasta (basket), unaware of the actual consequences that this act would have on the chickens, they were placed there carefully however, blocking out the air out of the basket...
by 5am, they had waken the little ones, dressed them, fed them and off they walked...it was by 5:30am that they carefully walked the damped weedy road, they carefully walked up the dirt road and into the other side of their little town, where they would stand and wait for the Carros (transporting trucks-no buses passed by that area).
Somewhat nervous, unsure of what was about to take place, they waited..patiently yet anxious that they would be discovered of their mischief, their mis-deeds and "wrong" doings. There was no turning back, all 5 ninos were ready. They stood there on that cool and crisp morning, until there in the distance appeared what was their life saving opportunity. The truck had arrived.
Off they went one by one and onto the truck they climbed. Off into the unknown. Just like the Song from Real McCoy, Run Away, it was so that they were running away to set their hearts free and venture into a life of their own, in search for unity, peace, and some love that could soothe away that uncertainty felt in their hearts. They felt joy mixed with some pain althought it was wrong, it felt so right to be doing such adventurous act.
They arrived at Zacatecoluca, to one of the bus stops where they would start their route from Zacatecoluca to San Miguel, an aproximate 6hour drive because of the frequent stops and bus changes. The oldest sibling was around 11 or 12 years old, the youngest was only 3 or 4.
This is yet another one of those stories, another day in paradise. The paradise where these kids learned on their own the lessons of survival.
How did they get to the bus stop, with what money? and who was the adult overseeing over these kids and their welfare at those times?
Bus #1, you could hear the crowded streets of the many travelers yelling and moving around. Lots of people yelling out, "pupusas, tostadas, Queso con yuca, chicharones!!??" Yes, the merchants who made their living selling out and about on bus stops where everywhere. And there as the five ninos sat all pilled in one of the seats, carefully looking after each other, no one misbehaved, yet they were a furtunate more so than the kid who leaped into the bus attempting to make his living singing a melody...a sad melody that rings to this day on the nightly dreams of these small travelers....a kid no more than 10yrs of age began to sing to get some kind of reward, food, water, or money....no of which the five ninos could help with.
The busy passengers, the adults were mesmerized at how five kids were traveling alone, or so they thought. Neither one of the kids would direct their convertions to strangers. They did not speak, they took the ride in silence absorbing the many sounds and savouring the many smells of different foods at different stops.
"MANGOS!!!, sceamed a lady, AGUA de COCO (coconut juice) screamed another, so many were the baskets and great was their hunger...in their hearts, their satisfaction reamained in the fact that they were far now, with every mile the bus drove, the further their past would remain...uncertain of what the future held, they did not turn back.
And so, their hearts grasped the true colors of their roots, their veins erupted with the rivers of passion to pursue their true desires, at such a young age, yes, however, they began their independency alone, venturing and daring to venture out in a world a country that had lost all hope. In deed it seems hard to believe that these kids were able to travel that far and alone because of the lack of security that existed in El Salvador. The "civil war" that began in the early 80s had recently ended in 1992 and although the scar was fresh and the wound still blead, these kids held onto their faith and whatever it was that was driving their mind, their hearts, kept them safe...
As the ride continued, passing Rio Lempa, the thoughts began to emerge...was this the right decision, did or should they have done it differently perhaps announced it to another adult and share their vision?
The song began to play, Real McCoy, RUN AWAY, seems it was a very popular song then...it stuck in their head and it is one of those songs that kidnaps the heart, mind, and soul and takes them back into that bus and takes the ride over the long route of insecurity and uncertainty.
It seemed that the bus would never get to it's final destination...they arrived to a terminal where they had to change yet again the buses. Each time they changed buses and it began it's trip to San Miguel, the song would play.. althought the kids could not understand the words of the song, in their head they chanted the words over and over again, until they had memorized it....the kids some of which were sleeping or at least the youngest ones, leaned their head against the window observing the volcanos in the distance...wondering if they could reach the top if they were to walk it in one day...their mind trailed off into the adventurous wonders of how marvelous a volcanoe seems to be...the mystery and ovewhelming power hidden right beneath that monstrous mountain.
You could see the coffee farms, the pineapple farms, fields and fields of different crops appeared at the foot of the volcanoes.. everything was so pure, yet there were the lives of those who worked hard to create what the passer bys saw from the exterior...it was so intoxicatingly beautiful.
Over the mountains and past the llanos (forrestry areas), the bus traveled....carrying the precious cargo that although unknown of the time, would reflect on those moments to recapture the blessings they obtained from those journeys.
And so as the wheels kept turning, the sound of the loud motors and the suffocating heat from all the crowded passangers planted a seed of self discovery into the ninos who anxiously and almost with no hesitation appreciated every bit of that moment of that day and their adventure into a world of the unknown.
They were far and were running away from their security, their home, the place where their hearts would run freely...whether they would return or not, their journey, their voyaje had just began....they left the country unknowingly of what the future would hold infront of them.
Once they arrived to their final destination, they walked the rest of the way, to see their Mama Catocha, to be with her...such was her love and joy upon seeing the ninos that she threw herself all over them...although her expression demonstrated she was afraid yet relieved the kids were there safe...it was all in all a shock...
Greater was the schock of all to realize that the chickens had suffocated and not a single one managed to survive.
And so, here is the grand story of five little adventurer's that regardless of their lack of source, they knew only where they wanted to be and were guided by that angel that God had placed next to them the entire time. Not a single adult that saw them alone would dare ask or even disturb the tranquility of these little travelers...No one dared ask and no one disturbed such a peaceful reflection of these kids's expressions.
It was if they were on quest for freedom or as if they were leaving a world of dangers and disruption in their life, to some extend they were, however, it has yet to be discovered what these five ninos were up to. They were on a challenge to keep that Faith to keep living the life that they were blessed with. Regardless of whatever difficulties, the lesson remains true to this day, they were the ones that liberated their hearts to never surrender upon the faintest or glamorous of worldy atractions.
Materials, money, come and go, however, the bond that was generated by these ninos was an cobweb of purity and loyalty to each other, the promise to love and support each other and be there for one another regardless of the many changes that life would bring forth... It was planted in their DNA, to be exactly that, the explorer's, the knowledge seekers...
...and the five ninos made it all the way....they had discovered that they were made for this type of explorations, that it was in their genetics to discover the world all on their own...they learned the lyrics of the song RUN AWAY by the time their 6hour trip had ended...and their hearts and minds had earned far greater respect and knowledge than anyone could imagine at such a young age. They matured with each passing hour until they had a piece of wisdom and knowledge within them.
"...and so, their heart stored deep within a passion, a unity and love that would no one could ever invade..."
NOTE: picture of EL SALVADOR MAP to come sometime soon. Also, NOTE: listen to the song RUN AWAY from Real McCoy to get an idea of what the song is about.
This story is yet to be edited some more - well, none of the others are edited, however, there might be more information that needs to be revealed, but all in due time.
OFF INTO THE MERCY of the UNKNOWN
It all began on a late evening, date, time, and day unknown...but it was late. The five ninos seemed to come to a conclusion that it was time to run away. Their mind was made up, they light the "living" room with a CANDIL - a gas like item used to light the house, there they sat, motionless..no one uttered a word. Eventually they talked to their Papa Chico of what their plans were, the one and only person they trusted at that time, he was the only one that knew what these witty hearts were up to...
It was 4:30am, and the older kids were up and ready, they chased around the chickens they had grown, one by one they were placed in the Canasta (basket), unaware of the actual consequences that this act would have on the chickens, they were placed there carefully however, blocking out the air out of the basket...
by 5am, they had waken the little ones, dressed them, fed them and off they walked...it was by 5:30am that they carefully walked the damped weedy road, they carefully walked up the dirt road and into the other side of their little town, where they would stand and wait for the Carros (transporting trucks-no buses passed by that area).
Somewhat nervous, unsure of what was about to take place, they waited..patiently yet anxious that they would be discovered of their mischief, their mis-deeds and "wrong" doings. There was no turning back, all 5 ninos were ready. They stood there on that cool and crisp morning, until there in the distance appeared what was their life saving opportunity. The truck had arrived.
Off they went one by one and onto the truck they climbed. Off into the unknown. Just like the Song from Real McCoy, Run Away, it was so that they were running away to set their hearts free and venture into a life of their own, in search for unity, peace, and some love that could soothe away that uncertainty felt in their hearts. They felt joy mixed with some pain althought it was wrong, it felt so right to be doing such adventurous act.
They arrived at Zacatecoluca, to one of the bus stops where they would start their route from Zacatecoluca to San Miguel, an aproximate 6hour drive because of the frequent stops and bus changes. The oldest sibling was around 11 or 12 years old, the youngest was only 3 or 4.
This is yet another one of those stories, another day in paradise. The paradise where these kids learned on their own the lessons of survival.
How did they get to the bus stop, with what money? and who was the adult overseeing over these kids and their welfare at those times?
Bus #1, you could hear the crowded streets of the many travelers yelling and moving around. Lots of people yelling out, "pupusas, tostadas, Queso con yuca, chicharones!!??" Yes, the merchants who made their living selling out and about on bus stops where everywhere. And there as the five ninos sat all pilled in one of the seats, carefully looking after each other, no one misbehaved, yet they were a furtunate more so than the kid who leaped into the bus attempting to make his living singing a melody...a sad melody that rings to this day on the nightly dreams of these small travelers....a kid no more than 10yrs of age began to sing to get some kind of reward, food, water, or money....no of which the five ninos could help with.
The busy passengers, the adults were mesmerized at how five kids were traveling alone, or so they thought. Neither one of the kids would direct their convertions to strangers. They did not speak, they took the ride in silence absorbing the many sounds and savouring the many smells of different foods at different stops.
"MANGOS!!!, sceamed a lady, AGUA de COCO (coconut juice) screamed another, so many were the baskets and great was their hunger...in their hearts, their satisfaction reamained in the fact that they were far now, with every mile the bus drove, the further their past would remain...uncertain of what the future held, they did not turn back.
And so, their hearts grasped the true colors of their roots, their veins erupted with the rivers of passion to pursue their true desires, at such a young age, yes, however, they began their independency alone, venturing and daring to venture out in a world a country that had lost all hope. In deed it seems hard to believe that these kids were able to travel that far and alone because of the lack of security that existed in El Salvador. The "civil war" that began in the early 80s had recently ended in 1992 and although the scar was fresh and the wound still blead, these kids held onto their faith and whatever it was that was driving their mind, their hearts, kept them safe...
As the ride continued, passing Rio Lempa, the thoughts began to emerge...was this the right decision, did or should they have done it differently perhaps announced it to another adult and share their vision?
The song began to play, Real McCoy, RUN AWAY, seems it was a very popular song then...it stuck in their head and it is one of those songs that kidnaps the heart, mind, and soul and takes them back into that bus and takes the ride over the long route of insecurity and uncertainty.
It seemed that the bus would never get to it's final destination...they arrived to a terminal where they had to change yet again the buses. Each time they changed buses and it began it's trip to San Miguel, the song would play.. althought the kids could not understand the words of the song, in their head they chanted the words over and over again, until they had memorized it....the kids some of which were sleeping or at least the youngest ones, leaned their head against the window observing the volcanos in the distance...wondering if they could reach the top if they were to walk it in one day...their mind trailed off into the adventurous wonders of how marvelous a volcanoe seems to be...the mystery and ovewhelming power hidden right beneath that monstrous mountain.
You could see the coffee farms, the pineapple farms, fields and fields of different crops appeared at the foot of the volcanoes.. everything was so pure, yet there were the lives of those who worked hard to create what the passer bys saw from the exterior...it was so intoxicatingly beautiful.
Over the mountains and past the llanos (forrestry areas), the bus traveled....carrying the precious cargo that although unknown of the time, would reflect on those moments to recapture the blessings they obtained from those journeys.
And so as the wheels kept turning, the sound of the loud motors and the suffocating heat from all the crowded passangers planted a seed of self discovery into the ninos who anxiously and almost with no hesitation appreciated every bit of that moment of that day and their adventure into a world of the unknown.
They were far and were running away from their security, their home, the place where their hearts would run freely...whether they would return or not, their journey, their voyaje had just began....they left the country unknowingly of what the future would hold infront of them.
Once they arrived to their final destination, they walked the rest of the way, to see their Mama Catocha, to be with her...such was her love and joy upon seeing the ninos that she threw herself all over them...although her expression demonstrated she was afraid yet relieved the kids were there safe...it was all in all a shock...
Greater was the schock of all to realize that the chickens had suffocated and not a single one managed to survive.
And so, here is the grand story of five little adventurer's that regardless of their lack of source, they knew only where they wanted to be and were guided by that angel that God had placed next to them the entire time. Not a single adult that saw them alone would dare ask or even disturb the tranquility of these little travelers...No one dared ask and no one disturbed such a peaceful reflection of these kids's expressions.
It was if they were on quest for freedom or as if they were leaving a world of dangers and disruption in their life, to some extend they were, however, it has yet to be discovered what these five ninos were up to. They were on a challenge to keep that Faith to keep living the life that they were blessed with. Regardless of whatever difficulties, the lesson remains true to this day, they were the ones that liberated their hearts to never surrender upon the faintest or glamorous of worldy atractions.
Materials, money, come and go, however, the bond that was generated by these ninos was an cobweb of purity and loyalty to each other, the promise to love and support each other and be there for one another regardless of the many changes that life would bring forth... It was planted in their DNA, to be exactly that, the explorer's, the knowledge seekers...
...and the five ninos made it all the way....they had discovered that they were made for this type of explorations, that it was in their genetics to discover the world all on their own...they learned the lyrics of the song RUN AWAY by the time their 6hour trip had ended...and their hearts and minds had earned far greater respect and knowledge than anyone could imagine at such a young age. They matured with each passing hour until they had a piece of wisdom and knowledge within them.
"...and so, their heart stored deep within a passion, a unity and love that would no one could ever invade..."
NOTE: picture of EL SALVADOR MAP to come sometime soon. Also, NOTE: listen to the song RUN AWAY from Real McCoy to get an idea of what the song is about.
This story is yet to be edited some more - well, none of the others are edited, however, there might be more information that needs to be revealed, but all in due time.
FOREVER LOST - PERDIDA ETERNAMENTE
"Her heart stood still, motionless, waiting to be raptured and swept into a world of beauty, honesty, peace, and purest of joy..."
FOREVER LOST - PERDIDA ETERNAMENTE
It's 1st of December 2011, the beginning of the end of this year. Seems too cliche to say that it was just Christmas was just yesterday! It is true however, seems things have gone by way too fast.
Perhaps this is another one of those Christmas for me. I am perhaps one of the most complex human beings you will ever meet...Christmas season brings me a cold feeling in my heart. Seems that the Grinch tends to not only successfully steal my Christmas, but rather converts my heart into a cold slab of ice.
Christmas long long long ago ended for me. If I look back in time, I can pin point that day, that era, that moment when Christmas ended...
It happened at midnight Christmas of 1994, when everyone went to sleep, alone I ran out side and began the ritual of a celebration of Christmas..poping the loudest of fireworks, lighting everything I could possibly burn, I ran left, right, left again over and over the front yard poping things and burning fireworks as fast as I could. I thought that if our front yard had the most wrappers that perhaps that would mean were the best at poping the fireworks.
Alone, underneath the half moon way up high, I celebrated that Christmas....Alone I took on that challenge, listening all around me how many were lighting the fireworks. The sound, the smell, the smoke floated everywhere, but I was too excited. I did not care to be alone underneath the blanket of smoke and the danger of accidentally getting burn. My heart was too excitedly hurrying, lining up the different fireworks. All were lined up, small, big, small, big....until my basket was almsot empty....but there on the very end was the CYCLONE.
Yes, I had a fireworkd bigger than my own hands could wrap around. It almost looked like an atomic bomb, so big, so dangerous! I was all excited and placed it on a far post near the house, right next to a light pole, and decided to set it off. Without giving it much thought, I ran as fast as I could to seek shelter and hide.
Not fully realizing the force and power of the huge CYCLONE, I had set it on fire. My ears were schocked, my heart paralyzed, it exploded so loudly as if it were a nuclear bomb, you could feel how the electro magnetic waves raised the very small hairs all over your body. Not only did it scared me half to death, scared everyone and managed to break part of the light pole and our light cut off....
that was the last Christmas that I can remember where my heart was captured in time and everything was heavenly. Where Christmas morning was not about the presents, but rather time to have a good breakfast, gather up all equipment to camp out all day at the beach... we would have rostiseri chicken on real charcoal, tamales of different kind, traditional christmas sandwiches....and we were all happy and satisfied.
Now Christmas here seems it is about the ornaments, the spending of tons of money in order to satisfy someone's "desires" not needs, and come to find out that it isn't enough....it is not about the love and affection of spending time together celebrating the birth of our Saviour, but rather a time to drain down all your savings and attempt to reconcile love and money on the artificial-materials of this world.
I am not sure how i could describe my feelings, however, I get very melancholy during the Christmas season. Perhaps that all might change once I have a kid. In the mean time I continue to work on discovering what it is that makes me feel so sad during this time.
Christmas somehow stayed behind me along everything else that I lost...somewhere along this life time I hope to recover some of what was taken from me.
Perhaps my life is floating lamely on this world and I am stuck in my past, however, I am reviving those moments in order to find a meaning of what my experiences have been...to teach myself over and over that this life is not mine and that what I have lived is meant for someone to have a piece of knowledge about that character, that ME way back when.
NOTE: Told you, I am a very COMPLEX person, perhaps to deep in thought....
"and so, her journey, her heart remain in the unknown, in a moment of reflection...waiting...waiting to discover the true meaning of what is happening all around her.."
FOREVER LOST - PERDIDA ETERNAMENTE
It's 1st of December 2011, the beginning of the end of this year. Seems too cliche to say that it was just Christmas was just yesterday! It is true however, seems things have gone by way too fast.
Perhaps this is another one of those Christmas for me. I am perhaps one of the most complex human beings you will ever meet...Christmas season brings me a cold feeling in my heart. Seems that the Grinch tends to not only successfully steal my Christmas, but rather converts my heart into a cold slab of ice.
Christmas long long long ago ended for me. If I look back in time, I can pin point that day, that era, that moment when Christmas ended...
It happened at midnight Christmas of 1994, when everyone went to sleep, alone I ran out side and began the ritual of a celebration of Christmas..poping the loudest of fireworks, lighting everything I could possibly burn, I ran left, right, left again over and over the front yard poping things and burning fireworks as fast as I could. I thought that if our front yard had the most wrappers that perhaps that would mean were the best at poping the fireworks.
Alone, underneath the half moon way up high, I celebrated that Christmas....Alone I took on that challenge, listening all around me how many were lighting the fireworks. The sound, the smell, the smoke floated everywhere, but I was too excited. I did not care to be alone underneath the blanket of smoke and the danger of accidentally getting burn. My heart was too excitedly hurrying, lining up the different fireworks. All were lined up, small, big, small, big....until my basket was almsot empty....but there on the very end was the CYCLONE.
Yes, I had a fireworkd bigger than my own hands could wrap around. It almost looked like an atomic bomb, so big, so dangerous! I was all excited and placed it on a far post near the house, right next to a light pole, and decided to set it off. Without giving it much thought, I ran as fast as I could to seek shelter and hide.
Not fully realizing the force and power of the huge CYCLONE, I had set it on fire. My ears were schocked, my heart paralyzed, it exploded so loudly as if it were a nuclear bomb, you could feel how the electro magnetic waves raised the very small hairs all over your body. Not only did it scared me half to death, scared everyone and managed to break part of the light pole and our light cut off....
that was the last Christmas that I can remember where my heart was captured in time and everything was heavenly. Where Christmas morning was not about the presents, but rather time to have a good breakfast, gather up all equipment to camp out all day at the beach... we would have rostiseri chicken on real charcoal, tamales of different kind, traditional christmas sandwiches....and we were all happy and satisfied.
Now Christmas here seems it is about the ornaments, the spending of tons of money in order to satisfy someone's "desires" not needs, and come to find out that it isn't enough....it is not about the love and affection of spending time together celebrating the birth of our Saviour, but rather a time to drain down all your savings and attempt to reconcile love and money on the artificial-materials of this world.
I am not sure how i could describe my feelings, however, I get very melancholy during the Christmas season. Perhaps that all might change once I have a kid. In the mean time I continue to work on discovering what it is that makes me feel so sad during this time.
Christmas somehow stayed behind me along everything else that I lost...somewhere along this life time I hope to recover some of what was taken from me.
Perhaps my life is floating lamely on this world and I am stuck in my past, however, I am reviving those moments in order to find a meaning of what my experiences have been...to teach myself over and over that this life is not mine and that what I have lived is meant for someone to have a piece of knowledge about that character, that ME way back when.
NOTE: Told you, I am a very COMPLEX person, perhaps to deep in thought....
"and so, her journey, her heart remain in the unknown, in a moment of reflection...waiting...waiting to discover the true meaning of what is happening all around her.."
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
AVENTURERA, SIN MAPA, SIN RUMBO
"como una estranjera, ella recorroio los caminos abandonados, las rutas despreciadas....todo lo que aquellos vieron imperfecto, ella, le encontro la perfeccion..."
VIVIR NO ES SIMPLEMENTE VIVIR
En la vida aprendemos a caminar los caminos olvidados, a atravezar lo menospreciado, a encontrar la belleza en el mundo de la soledad.
Ella los camino... sola empezo una busqueda, una travesura de recorrer el mundo, de vivir todo aquello que la persona comun dejo atras. Ella lo acepto.
Dia a dia su vida fue creciendo, su fe aumento, su espiritu aventurero le trajo todo lo que nunca espero. Si, con altos y bajos, pero de cada experiencia ella tomo esa prueba y lo aplico a todo lo que devia aprender.
Siendo tan solo una nina, ella tenia la madurez, las abilidades de una joven adulta. Se encontraba sola, en un mundo feroz, donde los lobos, los depredadores la amenasaban, ella siguio adelante. Muchas fueron las pruebas de fe, muchas fueron las lagrimas que derramo...poco a poco ella se volvio una mujer.
Despues de recorrer las montanas, despues de resvalar varias veces, ella logro sostenerse de lo que Dios le dio y se convertio en una mujer virtuosa.
..................................
Toda su vida ella penso tenerlo todo...no conocia mas que los limites de donde vivia...en el campo, al lado de un rio, juntando los mangoes maduros, saboreando los jocotes verdes...ella penso ser tan feliz. Dia a dia ella madrugaba, ordenando las vacas, y alimentando las gallinas...en su mente, ella visito las cuatro esquinas del mundo, se perdio en el mundo de las iluciones, sosteniendose de los rieles del Niagara Falls fuerte y mientras admiraba la belleza de lo grande que es... pero en la realidad sus manos mostraban el arduo trabajo...las ampoyas del sostener la pala....en su frente solo corria el sudor salado que parecia no tener fin. En pleno sol trabajaba limpiando los surcos de maiz, ayudando a su abuelo quien era el hombre que le enseno todo. A apreciar la belleza en el trabajo y de no depender de nadie mas que en sus propias manos.
Sus tardes consistian en apartar los terneros, en especial de la vaca llamada Cerveza, una vaca muy rabiosa y temida por todos. Pero era una tarea. Nerviosa y un poco fatigada, ella sobre vivio el ataque feroz.
Pero nada era mejor que sonar bajo la luz de la luna, apoyar su cabeza en el estomago de un buey y sentir como cada organo se movia mientras sus ojos se pierdian en la belleza, en el circulo perfecto tan iluminoso, tan inalcanzable...no habia nada mejor que sentir la carisia del viento en una tarde calida en un mundo imperfecto pero perfecto en sus hojos.
Ella tan solo tenia 10 anos. Era toda una mujer capturada en el alma de una nina. Ahi, en esos tiempos fue donde una mujer virtuosa, con mucho mas que belleza se formo. Donde sus manos, alcanzaron todo, y su mundo se abrio al mundo exterior....
En lo que fue un abrir y cerrar de ojos, su mundo murio. Su mundo se perdio y fue dejado en el abandono. Olvidado para siempre, para tan solo recordarlo con una simple melodia...el sonido de un silbato...tristemente resuena en su ADN, recorriendo los rios de furia y curiosidad.....en las profundidades de su corazon....
Ella lo perdio todo. Fue raptada de su mundo de crystal, como si fuese una marioneta, ella cambio de escenario, y se encontro en un mundo perdido, donde su idioma parecia no ser aceptado. Ella perdio todo cantico, tada voz, y quedo muda ante el jigante, el mundo del pavemento.
Hoy, no queda mas que una memoria, un suspiro, y un aroma de lo que fueron esos dias. Cuando las gotas de lluvia caen sobre el suelo, sobre la tierra, levanta un aroma tan agradable... nada mas que TIERRA, el respirar, y sentir como ese aroma invade los pulmones es como tomar un reloj viejo y hacerlo jirar alrevez...asi ella logra conectarse con lo que fue su nines, con lo que Dios le dio para fortalecerze y hacer de ella una mujer con valores...con abilidades que no se encuentran....
El ayer sigue viviendo...ella lo tiene todo y sigue sonando con el pasar de los dias, con cada prueba de fe, ella se fortaleze mas....
.."entre la multitud camina, floreciendo con cada sonrisa, sembrando sus cultivos, creciendo sus raices, ella sigue en pie....apesar de las heridas, de las espinas que se le atravesaron en su camino, ella vive mas fuerte que nunca"
Algunas cosas que intento escribir en espanol. Aveces algunas historietas suelen ser mejor en espanol. Disculpen por la falta de vocabulario, gramatica y como dicen por ahi, ortografia, que al fin y al cabo esto es solo un medio de expresion ;-)
VIVIR NO ES SIMPLEMENTE VIVIR
En la vida aprendemos a caminar los caminos olvidados, a atravezar lo menospreciado, a encontrar la belleza en el mundo de la soledad.
Ella los camino... sola empezo una busqueda, una travesura de recorrer el mundo, de vivir todo aquello que la persona comun dejo atras. Ella lo acepto.
Dia a dia su vida fue creciendo, su fe aumento, su espiritu aventurero le trajo todo lo que nunca espero. Si, con altos y bajos, pero de cada experiencia ella tomo esa prueba y lo aplico a todo lo que devia aprender.
Siendo tan solo una nina, ella tenia la madurez, las abilidades de una joven adulta. Se encontraba sola, en un mundo feroz, donde los lobos, los depredadores la amenasaban, ella siguio adelante. Muchas fueron las pruebas de fe, muchas fueron las lagrimas que derramo...poco a poco ella se volvio una mujer.
Despues de recorrer las montanas, despues de resvalar varias veces, ella logro sostenerse de lo que Dios le dio y se convertio en una mujer virtuosa.
..................................
Toda su vida ella penso tenerlo todo...no conocia mas que los limites de donde vivia...en el campo, al lado de un rio, juntando los mangoes maduros, saboreando los jocotes verdes...ella penso ser tan feliz. Dia a dia ella madrugaba, ordenando las vacas, y alimentando las gallinas...en su mente, ella visito las cuatro esquinas del mundo, se perdio en el mundo de las iluciones, sosteniendose de los rieles del Niagara Falls fuerte y mientras admiraba la belleza de lo grande que es... pero en la realidad sus manos mostraban el arduo trabajo...las ampoyas del sostener la pala....en su frente solo corria el sudor salado que parecia no tener fin. En pleno sol trabajaba limpiando los surcos de maiz, ayudando a su abuelo quien era el hombre que le enseno todo. A apreciar la belleza en el trabajo y de no depender de nadie mas que en sus propias manos.
Sus tardes consistian en apartar los terneros, en especial de la vaca llamada Cerveza, una vaca muy rabiosa y temida por todos. Pero era una tarea. Nerviosa y un poco fatigada, ella sobre vivio el ataque feroz.
Pero nada era mejor que sonar bajo la luz de la luna, apoyar su cabeza en el estomago de un buey y sentir como cada organo se movia mientras sus ojos se pierdian en la belleza, en el circulo perfecto tan iluminoso, tan inalcanzable...no habia nada mejor que sentir la carisia del viento en una tarde calida en un mundo imperfecto pero perfecto en sus hojos.
Ella tan solo tenia 10 anos. Era toda una mujer capturada en el alma de una nina. Ahi, en esos tiempos fue donde una mujer virtuosa, con mucho mas que belleza se formo. Donde sus manos, alcanzaron todo, y su mundo se abrio al mundo exterior....
En lo que fue un abrir y cerrar de ojos, su mundo murio. Su mundo se perdio y fue dejado en el abandono. Olvidado para siempre, para tan solo recordarlo con una simple melodia...el sonido de un silbato...tristemente resuena en su ADN, recorriendo los rios de furia y curiosidad.....en las profundidades de su corazon....
Ella lo perdio todo. Fue raptada de su mundo de crystal, como si fuese una marioneta, ella cambio de escenario, y se encontro en un mundo perdido, donde su idioma parecia no ser aceptado. Ella perdio todo cantico, tada voz, y quedo muda ante el jigante, el mundo del pavemento.
Hoy, no queda mas que una memoria, un suspiro, y un aroma de lo que fueron esos dias. Cuando las gotas de lluvia caen sobre el suelo, sobre la tierra, levanta un aroma tan agradable... nada mas que TIERRA, el respirar, y sentir como ese aroma invade los pulmones es como tomar un reloj viejo y hacerlo jirar alrevez...asi ella logra conectarse con lo que fue su nines, con lo que Dios le dio para fortalecerze y hacer de ella una mujer con valores...con abilidades que no se encuentran....
El ayer sigue viviendo...ella lo tiene todo y sigue sonando con el pasar de los dias, con cada prueba de fe, ella se fortaleze mas....
.."entre la multitud camina, floreciendo con cada sonrisa, sembrando sus cultivos, creciendo sus raices, ella sigue en pie....apesar de las heridas, de las espinas que se le atravesaron en su camino, ella vive mas fuerte que nunca"
Algunas cosas que intento escribir en espanol. Aveces algunas historietas suelen ser mejor en espanol. Disculpen por la falta de vocabulario, gramatica y como dicen por ahi, ortografia, que al fin y al cabo esto es solo un medio de expresion ;-)
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Triste - Two hearts in two worlds
"And she came out of her balcony facing the sunset and stood up high, took a deep breath...tears rolling down her eyes, she gently closed them...her heart traveled miles and miles to meet him there...transporting her soul to the everlasting place of peace..." - Maria
I am pathetic. Being completely honest. I am pathetic.
I am that person, who falls in love with the inner beauty of things, with the wonders of our creator, and most importantly have a profound love for my hubby. Let me just go straight into the point, he is away, traveling in Uruguay while I am here a few 6000miles away, missing him like crazy. Am I not pathetic? I did say it.
This is a good thing. It is good for us to have that experience so that we can learn to carefully appreciate the detials of our love for each other. He traveled early this August till the 15th, 2011
Not sure if I needed to write this down, however, guess I will not go into more detials :) I do miss my amor.
**** **** **** ****
"And so her heart merged with the magical winds of purity carrying her emotions of love to him. She revealed her heart with the eternal light and warmth from the Sun...."
NOTE: This took place in August, I had written this however, completely forgot to "publish" I guess that is very common for me because I have tons of "drafts." Here is what I had written not much but it's something.
I am pathetic. Being completely honest. I am pathetic.
I am that person, who falls in love with the inner beauty of things, with the wonders of our creator, and most importantly have a profound love for my hubby. Let me just go straight into the point, he is away, traveling in Uruguay while I am here a few 6000miles away, missing him like crazy. Am I not pathetic? I did say it.
This is a good thing. It is good for us to have that experience so that we can learn to carefully appreciate the detials of our love for each other. He traveled early this August till the 15th, 2011
Not sure if I needed to write this down, however, guess I will not go into more detials :) I do miss my amor.
**** **** **** ****
"And so her heart merged with the magical winds of purity carrying her emotions of love to him. She revealed her heart with the eternal light and warmth from the Sun...."
NOTE: This took place in August, I had written this however, completely forgot to "publish" I guess that is very common for me because I have tons of "drafts." Here is what I had written not much but it's something.
Abundant Life
"And she walked as quietly as she could, attempting not to make a sound...she stood there..feeling eyes all around her, as if a ghostly presence walked with her..."
God is everywhere. You can hear Him when the wind blows across the fields, you can see Him when the trees sway at His magical touch. He is everywhere, always being that faithful companion regardless of the human behavior...He is a true lover, faithful, and merciful.
When humans fail, friends, family, acquaintances...HE doesn't fail.
The story goes something like this to interpret how God does not fail you or abandon you regardless of what you do, HE insists and patiently waits on you...
The Love that Never Existed
She walked the sandy beaches alone, admiring the beauty all around her. Absorbing the most unexplaining joy, peace, and tranquility. She walked non stop, dipping her feet in the foamy salty waters of the ocean. Slowly she would bend to pick up the shells in total wonder and awe of the beauty and delicacy of such creation. She walked...in search for the promised love her heart needed...her heart searched.
She was at peace, completely in love with HIS magestic promises, with HIS creations, the love that she needed was there. She was blinded however, by the veil of worldly greeds, human love....And thus she spent many evenings, many sunsets patiently waiting....
Until one day he came across her path. A mature young man with high promises and great manners, beliefs, morals, values...in her list, he could be the candidate God had prepared for her. She waited. Waited on God and this young man to make the moves....she waited...
LESSON
God is everywhere. You can hear Him when the wind blows across the fields, you can see Him when the trees sway at His magical touch. He is everywhere, always being that faithful companion regardless of the human behavior...He is a true lover, faithful, and merciful.
When humans fail, friends, family, acquaintances...HE doesn't fail.
The story goes something like this to interpret how God does not fail you or abandon you regardless of what you do, HE insists and patiently waits on you...
The Love that Never Existed
She walked the sandy beaches alone, admiring the beauty all around her. Absorbing the most unexplaining joy, peace, and tranquility. She walked non stop, dipping her feet in the foamy salty waters of the ocean. Slowly she would bend to pick up the shells in total wonder and awe of the beauty and delicacy of such creation. She walked...in search for the promised love her heart needed...her heart searched.
 |
| Her heart hidden behind a veil of uncertainty.... |
She was at peace, completely in love with HIS magestic promises, with HIS creations, the love that she needed was there. She was blinded however, by the veil of worldly greeds, human love....And thus she spent many evenings, many sunsets patiently waiting....
Until one day he came across her path. A mature young man with high promises and great manners, beliefs, morals, values...in her list, he could be the candidate God had prepared for her. She waited. Waited on God and this young man to make the moves....she waited...
It all unveiled right before her eyes, that her hopes, her expectations were not God's expectations. This gentlemen seemed perfect, he knew the word of God left and right...he carried himself with perfect purity, yet she waited. A friendship evolved, they were the perfect companions for each other, both loved to take trips to silent evenings on the salty waters, enjoyed being in silence next to each other...time flew, they grew fond of each other and closer, much closer to each other...yet, she had to wait...
In the end, she had waited...long enough or not, she had waited...but nothing. He gained her trust, her love, they were best friends...yet she had grown a bit tired of waiting...thus she waited no more. He walked away and she simply turned her head and continued in her path....she was blinded by her love for him. She had given so much and invested so much, yet lost it all in a heart beat. He walked away...........
LESSON
You see, she had so many expectations from this love, from this episode of her life. She had trusted God with her whole heart, yet she felt betrayed...the man turned his back on her and left, yet God stood there next to her, telling her that It is IN HIS GOOD TIME not hers.
God is everywhere. She tried to find HIM in the wrong place and according to her expectations, her needs and desires. It is a lesson that regardless of what circumstances we face in this life, rely on God our Father to know what it is true, what He has in store for us is different than what our human nature expects to receive.
God was always very alert, watching her heart very closely although she may have rebeled against Him. He never left her side. God is God and she is that instrument of love, an example of God's masterpieces at it's best.
As Humans, we strive to accomplish our own desires, needs, and we forget that our life is manipulated by the sinful world around us. We are monitored as the impulsive living organisms who act upon our own egocentrical, humanistic needs rather than to stop and listen to what God is saying to us....He touches our hearts daily, frequently reminding us that the BEST IS YET TO COME, to be patient, humble, and overall to be graceful and live in complete reverence to His magnificent blessings, His guidance, His abundant love.
Yes, we fail to trust HIM completely in every situation. For as negative or as positive things seem, be grateful to HIM....it's HIS time, not yours.
God was always very alert, watching her heart very closely although she may have rebeled against Him. He never left her side. God is God and she is that instrument of love, an example of God's masterpieces at it's best.
As Humans, we strive to accomplish our own desires, needs, and we forget that our life is manipulated by the sinful world around us. We are monitored as the impulsive living organisms who act upon our own egocentrical, humanistic needs rather than to stop and listen to what God is saying to us....He touches our hearts daily, frequently reminding us that the BEST IS YET TO COME, to be patient, humble, and overall to be graceful and live in complete reverence to His magnificent blessings, His guidance, His abundant love.
Yes, we fail to trust HIM completely in every situation. For as negative or as positive things seem, be grateful to HIM....it's HIS time, not yours.
 |
| His eyes were always fixed on her.. |
"And she continued walking the desolate lands, breathing every bit of the rejuvenating touch of an evenings' crisp cool breeze...she was patient...God rewarded her with abundant life...."
Reflecting on Life's abundant lessons, of surving the daily tourture of becoming a world individual or surrendering what you are, who you are, and how you choose to live life..... A Reflection to remind the unwitty heart to keep waiting and be patient on God's deliverance.
Friday, October 7, 2011
La Carreta del Olvido "The Carriage of the Forgotten"
"The wind swayed their clothing, the branches brushed their hair, the leaves caressed their toughed skin...theirs smiles were worth millions and millions of jewels...their eyes glittered with the purest of joy...they had the life, they had the energy and love for each other that kept the circle of life moving forward..."
Slowly the wheel kept turning, almost churning the small rocks, while cracking the small dried brushery on the dirt road...sitting were the 5 niños. With an expression of bewilderment, excitment and joy, their eyes glimmered as the sun above them bathed their bodies.
Off they went down the dirt road heading into town, composed of the one church without a steeple that was in the center of this almost square zone, the abandoned "mansion" that served as a temporary school, and the nun's house next to the grand mango tree in her front yard. There were small living quaters for the farmers who woke before the roosters would sing and would carry their heavy tools to the farmland. On the other corner was a well, the community well where everyone took their "CANTAROS" and filled their jars. As was this small Almacen - mini warehouse or as one could say a grocery store, where anyone could buy the essentials. Next to the church were warehouses used to store the corn, sesame seed, and rice saks and beans.
The small hands held tight, not that the Carreta would move fast, but from the bouncy road everyone swayed back and forth and side to side. The Carreta was pulled by two bulls, Papa Chico's fierce beasts, that was the extent of their speed. The kids were happy, you could hear it from their joyeous laughter, their glittery smiles and glassy almost tearful eyes. They all talked at once, they high fived each other and as the trees became lower and the braches brushed down on them they ducked laughing every time or jumping to grap a branch or leaf. It was not a long trip, however, they enjoyed riding through the dirt road almost as delicately paved by the many cows and horses who would pass over it. Although on occassions you could smell the brutal smell or cow & horse feces. If you have an explorer's mind you can imagine that the kids would look down on the feces because in it would be the black beatles faithfully working...building a perfectly round ball that they would scoop up and take to their "home" for the winter hivernation.. such a laborious insect, a perfect crafter of poop.
If you haven't heard, cow feces, when dried would be the perfect method used to get rid of mosquitoes. The kids could be seen walking in the LLANOS collecting the dried feces, then at night they used it as incense for the ferocious beasts of the night - the blood sucking mosquitos that attacked unmerciful.
Going into town, using the one resource everyone treasured was one experience no one would pass. Although, if you walked across the neighbors field's you would reach the town faster on foot. However, that took away the purest of joys, the pride of riding with your Papa Chico and all together laughing at life's moment of simplicity. A life of innocence...where you lived one day at a time without the rush of a motor's contamination...where the worldly materials meant nothing, however nature was their treassure, their life, and the reason to wake up excitedly and rush out the house.
They knew not the meaning of stress, nor the rush of getting through with "life's expectations," nor did they know the meaning of completing the expectation of life's society...it was their world, their life. It was happyness at it's best. Sure, there were necesities, yet they were satisfied.
Slowly the CARRETA reached the clearing, the road opened up into a "Y" and they turned...reaching yet another road. This one much wider and transited by the cargo trucks that traveled longer and carried the people into the city and the markets. The CARRETA was going to LAS BRIZAS, the kid's town, where their friends lived--such friendship where they all treassured each other...they were so close as if they were family members, such was the love for each other.
And there it went, the Carreta, carrying the precious cargo of the 5 niños, their grandpa Papa Chico, all in perfect harmony, unaware of the exterior world of temptations, of a fast paced society lurking at them. As if staring at them like the God's in the Odyssey looking through the bowl filled with water...watching the kid's movements, taking note of their highly priced moments...just viciously lurking...like a raptor waiting for the pefect moment to pull them out and misplace them in a world of perdition...a sinful world of dos and don'ts, struggles, and constat fight for equality...they were taken like ants from their perfect environment and placed under the looking glass of society's menacing ways....
They reached town, and as if a ghostly presence took over them...they were no more. Their faces, ears, feet, were blisttered by the new world...their life begun over again some 5000k miles from their hearts...
"And their dirt stained faces reflected the brightness of the sun...their bare feets tickled with the wind's mysterious touch, their laughs were carried in the form of an echo slowly disappearing in the LLANOS(bushery lands) alerting nature they were present.."
Slowly the wheel kept turning, almost churning the small rocks, while cracking the small dried brushery on the dirt road...sitting were the 5 niños. With an expression of bewilderment, excitment and joy, their eyes glimmered as the sun above them bathed their bodies.
Off they went down the dirt road heading into town, composed of the one church without a steeple that was in the center of this almost square zone, the abandoned "mansion" that served as a temporary school, and the nun's house next to the grand mango tree in her front yard. There were small living quaters for the farmers who woke before the roosters would sing and would carry their heavy tools to the farmland. On the other corner was a well, the community well where everyone took their "CANTAROS" and filled their jars. As was this small Almacen - mini warehouse or as one could say a grocery store, where anyone could buy the essentials. Next to the church were warehouses used to store the corn, sesame seed, and rice saks and beans.
The small hands held tight, not that the Carreta would move fast, but from the bouncy road everyone swayed back and forth and side to side. The Carreta was pulled by two bulls, Papa Chico's fierce beasts, that was the extent of their speed. The kids were happy, you could hear it from their joyeous laughter, their glittery smiles and glassy almost tearful eyes. They all talked at once, they high fived each other and as the trees became lower and the braches brushed down on them they ducked laughing every time or jumping to grap a branch or leaf. It was not a long trip, however, they enjoyed riding through the dirt road almost as delicately paved by the many cows and horses who would pass over it. Although on occassions you could smell the brutal smell or cow & horse feces. If you have an explorer's mind you can imagine that the kids would look down on the feces because in it would be the black beatles faithfully working...building a perfectly round ball that they would scoop up and take to their "home" for the winter hivernation.. such a laborious insect, a perfect crafter of poop.
If you haven't heard, cow feces, when dried would be the perfect method used to get rid of mosquitoes. The kids could be seen walking in the LLANOS collecting the dried feces, then at night they used it as incense for the ferocious beasts of the night - the blood sucking mosquitos that attacked unmerciful.
Going into town, using the one resource everyone treasured was one experience no one would pass. Although, if you walked across the neighbors field's you would reach the town faster on foot. However, that took away the purest of joys, the pride of riding with your Papa Chico and all together laughing at life's moment of simplicity. A life of innocence...where you lived one day at a time without the rush of a motor's contamination...where the worldly materials meant nothing, however nature was their treassure, their life, and the reason to wake up excitedly and rush out the house.
They knew not the meaning of stress, nor the rush of getting through with "life's expectations," nor did they know the meaning of completing the expectation of life's society...it was their world, their life. It was happyness at it's best. Sure, there were necesities, yet they were satisfied.
Slowly the CARRETA reached the clearing, the road opened up into a "Y" and they turned...reaching yet another road. This one much wider and transited by the cargo trucks that traveled longer and carried the people into the city and the markets. The CARRETA was going to LAS BRIZAS, the kid's town, where their friends lived--such friendship where they all treassured each other...they were so close as if they were family members, such was the love for each other.
And there it went, the Carreta, carrying the precious cargo of the 5 niños, their grandpa Papa Chico, all in perfect harmony, unaware of the exterior world of temptations, of a fast paced society lurking at them. As if staring at them like the God's in the Odyssey looking through the bowl filled with water...watching the kid's movements, taking note of their highly priced moments...just viciously lurking...like a raptor waiting for the pefect moment to pull them out and misplace them in a world of perdition...a sinful world of dos and don'ts, struggles, and constat fight for equality...they were taken like ants from their perfect environment and placed under the looking glass of society's menacing ways....
They reached town, and as if a ghostly presence took over them...they were no more. Their faces, ears, feet, were blisttered by the new world...their life begun over again some 5000k miles from their hearts...
 |
| a pictured borrowed from Google images. |
"And their dirt stained faces reflected the brightness of the sun...their bare feets tickled with the wind's mysterious touch, their laughs were carried in the form of an echo slowly disappearing in the LLANOS(bushery lands) alerting nature they were present.."
"SILENCE...i Kill u "
"Silence! "IIIIIII KILLLLL uuuuuuuuu" Says Achamed the Dead Terrorist from Jeff Dunnham.
Every day is a challenge in my life, a inner challenge to wake up and take ownership of my every day life. To teach myself to be patient, to remind myself that "this too shall come to pass.." it is easier said than done.
Mornings for me are the most important. My soul craves the silence, craves the fresh start of the new day in complete reverence and ...silence....(sigh). Most people whether they accept it or not, deep inside crave that very same thing: SILENCE. I have lost those rights long long ago...am now simply sighting back into time trying to bring back those days...
Oh ACHAMED....(the inexperienced suicide bomber...lol)
Here is my daily challenge: accepting that things are not what one wishes them to be. That I have to become this numb being and ignore everything around me. To try and try again and again to survive that very painful sound....why do I have such sensitive ears? If I am sleeping I hear the faintest sound coming across the house.
Once, when I lived in Farmfield, I heard this faint noise...my heart grew excitedly..I knew what it was but was not willing to discover it. I had heard the sound of a mouse crawling into something. In deed, my ears were right. Frightened to the sight of the hideous creature, I did what most would do in order to survive and avoid being kidnaped by such a monstrous, untouchable, most despised creature....it was worse than seeing a ghost! My heart froze in fear but had a determination to win this battle.
Yes, I can hear what someone out side says even if I am in an upstairs bedroom. Somehow my ears pick up the faintest of sounds. It can be good, or it can be bad. It is good because I know and am able to identify trouble. It is equally filled with disadvantage because that makes me a light sleeper...(except if I am super tired...beyond my own body's extent).
God knows I want to be straight up and speak my mind. AGAIN, it is not yet time to do so. He must direct my words and choose them wisely.
And so, I leave it in your hands my Lord, that I can learn to smile all over again. That my heart can experience the simple joy of laughing. I have lost those expressions of a joyful me. The lines of my face are lines expressing the neglect of laughter, they are of a cranky individual who continues to search for something meaningful in this life. I am in that search....
"And her face became covered in lines of antiquity, of selfish needs, and simply of a life lost in this world of great turmoil....she was alone...."
Every day is a challenge in my life, a inner challenge to wake up and take ownership of my every day life. To teach myself to be patient, to remind myself that "this too shall come to pass.." it is easier said than done.
Mornings for me are the most important. My soul craves the silence, craves the fresh start of the new day in complete reverence and ...silence....(sigh). Most people whether they accept it or not, deep inside crave that very same thing: SILENCE. I have lost those rights long long ago...am now simply sighting back into time trying to bring back those days...
Oh ACHAMED....(the inexperienced suicide bomber...lol)
Here is my daily challenge: accepting that things are not what one wishes them to be. That I have to become this numb being and ignore everything around me. To try and try again and again to survive that very painful sound....why do I have such sensitive ears? If I am sleeping I hear the faintest sound coming across the house.
Once, when I lived in Farmfield, I heard this faint noise...my heart grew excitedly..I knew what it was but was not willing to discover it. I had heard the sound of a mouse crawling into something. In deed, my ears were right. Frightened to the sight of the hideous creature, I did what most would do in order to survive and avoid being kidnaped by such a monstrous, untouchable, most despised creature....it was worse than seeing a ghost! My heart froze in fear but had a determination to win this battle.
Yes, I can hear what someone out side says even if I am in an upstairs bedroom. Somehow my ears pick up the faintest of sounds. It can be good, or it can be bad. It is good because I know and am able to identify trouble. It is equally filled with disadvantage because that makes me a light sleeper...(except if I am super tired...beyond my own body's extent).
God knows I want to be straight up and speak my mind. AGAIN, it is not yet time to do so. He must direct my words and choose them wisely.
And so, I leave it in your hands my Lord, that I can learn to smile all over again. That my heart can experience the simple joy of laughing. I have lost those expressions of a joyful me. The lines of my face are lines expressing the neglect of laughter, they are of a cranky individual who continues to search for something meaningful in this life. I am in that search....
"And her face became covered in lines of antiquity, of selfish needs, and simply of a life lost in this world of great turmoil....she was alone...."
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Mamon...What is that?
"Venture into the unknow with an open mind and dare to explore life's mysterious wonders..."
Have you ever discovered an item, fruit, or have experienced a belwildered moment?
QUENEPAS/MANONCILLOS/MAMONES
The Heck? Right? What am I talking about? It's a fruit, a tropical fruit that grows on trees. It's rather a comical looking fruit. If ever you came across such tree you would think twice about trying this fruit, because you may not know what it is.
Oh, this brings back such memories, the many times as a kid I choked with the seeds. The many times my mother stuck her finger in everyone's throat to pull out the seed. Forget the hamlock manuever, mom went stright in and pulled it out! hahahaha! (sigh - boy am I greatful we didn't die).
Mamones as we call them, are these small round fruit: the outer shell is green, once your teeth generate the perfect amount of pressure the shell burts and reveals such an inviting tangy, pulpy, almost bitter but sweet fruit. Once you place it in your mouth your teeth, tongue and jaw muscles must do the work: suck on the seed until you leave the bare naked seed exposed from it's pulpy layers.
It doesn't matter how you eat it, once you start there is no going back. They grow only in tropical areas and their season is sometime around August. Although they are not found in this country (USA), if ever you travel abroad, taste some of these or other exotic fruits, you'll open up a whole new world of explorations and adventures!
As kids, we would buy bunches and bunches of these. Sit out side under the shade of trees and eat away. Although the the juice of this fruit stained our clothes, we managed to eat away without causing much damage. It was the perfect fruit for hot days especially if we went to the river. These and Mangoes were one excellent combination.
If you are someone who diets a lot or is worried about whether it will be good for you or not, think about it, you eat everything else that isn't good...why not eat a fruit that makes your jaw work, has vitamins (because of the acid...it almost tastes like some kind of citrus acid). Many parts in Florida sell these, more so in farmer markets. They almost look like grapes, however, the skin is harder and much bigger. You have to get creative and allow your brain and your taste buds to accept this new discovery into you.
WOW! I am in heaven, thanks to my brother-in-law and his wife, my sister-in-law who brought these straight from Puerto Rico. These brought me back in time and as I savour their sweetness away, I travel back to those moments of purity, of joy, and of the simple days of living...
"And thus, the mouth experienced an explossion of flavor, confusion, and outmost bewilderment. Caught in the struggle of distiction and satisfaction..."
Have you ever discovered an item, fruit, or have experienced a belwildered moment?
QUENEPAS/MANONCILLOS/MAMONES
The Heck? Right? What am I talking about? It's a fruit, a tropical fruit that grows on trees. It's rather a comical looking fruit. If ever you came across such tree you would think twice about trying this fruit, because you may not know what it is.
Oh, this brings back such memories, the many times as a kid I choked with the seeds. The many times my mother stuck her finger in everyone's throat to pull out the seed. Forget the hamlock manuever, mom went stright in and pulled it out! hahahaha! (sigh - boy am I greatful we didn't die).
Mamones as we call them, are these small round fruit: the outer shell is green, once your teeth generate the perfect amount of pressure the shell burts and reveals such an inviting tangy, pulpy, almost bitter but sweet fruit. Once you place it in your mouth your teeth, tongue and jaw muscles must do the work: suck on the seed until you leave the bare naked seed exposed from it's pulpy layers.
It doesn't matter how you eat it, once you start there is no going back. They grow only in tropical areas and their season is sometime around August. Although they are not found in this country (USA), if ever you travel abroad, taste some of these or other exotic fruits, you'll open up a whole new world of explorations and adventures!
As kids, we would buy bunches and bunches of these. Sit out side under the shade of trees and eat away. Although the the juice of this fruit stained our clothes, we managed to eat away without causing much damage. It was the perfect fruit for hot days especially if we went to the river. These and Mangoes were one excellent combination.
If you are someone who diets a lot or is worried about whether it will be good for you or not, think about it, you eat everything else that isn't good...why not eat a fruit that makes your jaw work, has vitamins (because of the acid...it almost tastes like some kind of citrus acid). Many parts in Florida sell these, more so in farmer markets. They almost look like grapes, however, the skin is harder and much bigger. You have to get creative and allow your brain and your taste buds to accept this new discovery into you.
WOW! I am in heaven, thanks to my brother-in-law and his wife, my sister-in-law who brought these straight from Puerto Rico. These brought me back in time and as I savour their sweetness away, I travel back to those moments of purity, of joy, and of the simple days of living...
 |
| One seed after I have eaten it up |
 |
| The fruit in the inside - the pulp is what you suck on. |
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Self Destruction
"Time and time again, we are learning to become humble, how to take the steps of humility, and how to talk humbly. And so, she wore that hat, and used those shoes."
Once I heard a pastor said, "you have not yet arrived." He is right, we will never come to that point in our lives where we will have complete knowledge of what is occurring in our lives, we will never get to a point where we are in complete control. We can contribute to the fact, however, there is a greater power a greater means that keeps us under His outmost care.
I have read several blogs from friends, from outside sources who share their experiences just to relieve the heart and soul...to pull that weight out and realease the pressure. Although these bloggers may or may not know, they do in turn teach a lesson to someone. I have definately learned a lot about how Transparency works. There is this HUGE denial when it comes to expressing in full terms and complete honesty what our weaknesses are. I fall under that category because I am afraid to experience Pitty. I share my past experiences, my life stories for one purpose, to clean up the attic and dust my life away.
I am a very fearful person, more so like a coward for not owning up to my truthful thoughts and experiences. And becoming what most would call, an open book. If you are one of my readers, you will note I write in metaphors. Yes, that is because I do not want the wrong person stumbling into my own experiences and taking it towards the negative side of things. By that I mean, there are many twisted minds and who knows what they can make sense out of or not.
Talk about transparancy, well, I cannot reveal my complete experiences as of yet. There is soo much I want to write about, so many events in my life, so many stories to share, however, I fear the pitty. My life stories are all true, I do not write to seek self satisfaction, but rather want to express my gratitude to GOD because despite the difficult times, you can see HIS presence through it all. I know most of my stories sound like stories from a book, from a creative mind, however, they are real. I share them in the hope that someone may take a little piece of knowledge or perhaps stop and think about their own life and reflect on their own experiences and knowledge. Ask me, I can tell you.
I have come a long way and there's still much learning to be done. Funny as this may sound, I feel like Dracula, old and prunny, but when I learn more about God and when I satisfy this thirst of knowledge, I tend to rejuvenate. No, am not a night owl, but rather a passionate minute to minute absorbing sponge.
I do have a question that perhaps anyone out there could throw me a piece of advice to:
When is it ok to burst out and say, I have had enough? Those who can't identify what humility is, mistake it for their own selfish needs...ignorant beings despite the ardous work one puts forth, will always want more and more, but where do you draw the line of being humble and allowing for the inner selfish being within oneself to come out and let out that fierce desperate cry to set oneself free?? Not making sense? Normal, have not put on my phylosophical hat on yet! T's you will see sometime soon!
Writting is my yoga, my zen, my dome, my heaven, my glass menagerie...it is my escape to elude the trecherous ways of perdition in daily bodily stress.
Again, I leave you with just this piece of blog...I do not like to write more than needed or sugar coat everything. So, what I have is what it is. Take what you can and leave the rest up for reflection :)
"beyond the fleshy wounds, remainds a soul, hidden from the vicious wolves of today's society...feeding itself with the purest of knowledge, protected, but ready to take on a battle and stand proud..ready to overcome whatever worldly temptations that may rise up against it..I shall not fear the deeds of this world for I stand next to the pillar of my soul!"
Once I heard a pastor said, "you have not yet arrived." He is right, we will never come to that point in our lives where we will have complete knowledge of what is occurring in our lives, we will never get to a point where we are in complete control. We can contribute to the fact, however, there is a greater power a greater means that keeps us under His outmost care.
I have read several blogs from friends, from outside sources who share their experiences just to relieve the heart and soul...to pull that weight out and realease the pressure. Although these bloggers may or may not know, they do in turn teach a lesson to someone. I have definately learned a lot about how Transparency works. There is this HUGE denial when it comes to expressing in full terms and complete honesty what our weaknesses are. I fall under that category because I am afraid to experience Pitty. I share my past experiences, my life stories for one purpose, to clean up the attic and dust my life away.
I am a very fearful person, more so like a coward for not owning up to my truthful thoughts and experiences. And becoming what most would call, an open book. If you are one of my readers, you will note I write in metaphors. Yes, that is because I do not want the wrong person stumbling into my own experiences and taking it towards the negative side of things. By that I mean, there are many twisted minds and who knows what they can make sense out of or not.
Talk about transparancy, well, I cannot reveal my complete experiences as of yet. There is soo much I want to write about, so many events in my life, so many stories to share, however, I fear the pitty. My life stories are all true, I do not write to seek self satisfaction, but rather want to express my gratitude to GOD because despite the difficult times, you can see HIS presence through it all. I know most of my stories sound like stories from a book, from a creative mind, however, they are real. I share them in the hope that someone may take a little piece of knowledge or perhaps stop and think about their own life and reflect on their own experiences and knowledge. Ask me, I can tell you.
I have come a long way and there's still much learning to be done. Funny as this may sound, I feel like Dracula, old and prunny, but when I learn more about God and when I satisfy this thirst of knowledge, I tend to rejuvenate. No, am not a night owl, but rather a passionate minute to minute absorbing sponge.
I do have a question that perhaps anyone out there could throw me a piece of advice to:
When is it ok to burst out and say, I have had enough? Those who can't identify what humility is, mistake it for their own selfish needs...ignorant beings despite the ardous work one puts forth, will always want more and more, but where do you draw the line of being humble and allowing for the inner selfish being within oneself to come out and let out that fierce desperate cry to set oneself free?? Not making sense? Normal, have not put on my phylosophical hat on yet! T's you will see sometime soon!
Writting is my yoga, my zen, my dome, my heaven, my glass menagerie...it is my escape to elude the trecherous ways of perdition in daily bodily stress.
Again, I leave you with just this piece of blog...I do not like to write more than needed or sugar coat everything. So, what I have is what it is. Take what you can and leave the rest up for reflection :)
"beyond the fleshy wounds, remainds a soul, hidden from the vicious wolves of today's society...feeding itself with the purest of knowledge, protected, but ready to take on a battle and stand proud..ready to overcome whatever worldly temptations that may rise up against it..I shall not fear the deeds of this world for I stand next to the pillar of my soul!"
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Sweating the Jersey for a Good Cause
"drop by drop the bodies began to moist the jerseys...each representing that symbol of every kid who sits back on a hospital bed...patiently waiting...the players poured out of their heart the struggle for survival in every intense move, kick, and score for a CURE..."
August 26th & 27th - ISOL & EL SOL Tournament of Hope benefiting the St. Jude Children's Research Hospital
First off, it took a lot of work to plan something out outside of El Sol's norms. First time we venture into creating a sporting event something that is not a VIP party with celebrities, etc. This was an exciting time for all of us! The purpose, to raise awareness within the Latino/Hispanic Communities about St. Jude and the fact that our station [the only spanish radio station in Charleston] will be conducting their 6th Annual Radioton Promesa Y Esperanza 2011 on September 22nd and 23rd.
So, as the brain behind the tournament, I am proud to say that everything worked 100% to it's purpose. Sure, next time will be better, however, we did an incredible job at getting the attention of the community through something they love to to - playing and watching soccer!
There were 8 teams battling to Stand out and win first place a total of $300 in Cash, the recognition of being leaders not only in the field but with character and humility. Second place earned $150 Cash, plus medals that were passed to each player. Each team played 2 games, the 3rd game was elimination with the teams having the highest points would move to semi finals and then finals.
To me this was a way to capture the audience with something that our Latino Community loves to do. It was a complete success to see that everyone out there was very supportive to a good cause and knowing they were out there respresenting what most kids at St. Jude hunger for: a time to play and run freely expressing their joy through a single game. Regardless of the level of skills, competitivity, everyone kept in mind that although the kids of St. Jude were not amongst us, they were in our minds and hearts. That was the reason behind these games. The players represented Health and how winning a game is like fighting to win a fight for a cure, the constant struggle of getting one step closer to getting more kids where they need to be: home.
With each player in the field, ever kick, every goal, they represented that faith to continue to fight regardless! And of course not to give up. In soccer there is a time limit and so it is with Cancer, but for as long as we continue to fight together as a team we will overcome whatever is to come!
I am very proud of this community for being out there, to ISOL for providing the place and making this experience a memorable one! And to all the teams and fans for supporting the KIDS! Thanks to ALL!
Here are some radom pics of the final teams that advanced to finals, Maria Laura and I giving out the Thank you SPeech and reminding everyone what the purpose of these games were, and also random pics of the day's events.
"And the hearts and minds were moved, they were captivated by the presence of such kindred hearts pouring their hearts out in every game ..."
More pictures can be viewed by visiting http://www.facebook.com/ El Sol Wazs-AM [become our friend whether you speak Spanish or not, we still have FUN!]
August 26th & 27th - ISOL & EL SOL Tournament of Hope benefiting the St. Jude Children's Research Hospital
First off, it took a lot of work to plan something out outside of El Sol's norms. First time we venture into creating a sporting event something that is not a VIP party with celebrities, etc. This was an exciting time for all of us! The purpose, to raise awareness within the Latino/Hispanic Communities about St. Jude and the fact that our station [the only spanish radio station in Charleston] will be conducting their 6th Annual Radioton Promesa Y Esperanza 2011 on September 22nd and 23rd.
So, as the brain behind the tournament, I am proud to say that everything worked 100% to it's purpose. Sure, next time will be better, however, we did an incredible job at getting the attention of the community through something they love to to - playing and watching soccer!
There were 8 teams battling to Stand out and win first place a total of $300 in Cash, the recognition of being leaders not only in the field but with character and humility. Second place earned $150 Cash, plus medals that were passed to each player. Each team played 2 games, the 3rd game was elimination with the teams having the highest points would move to semi finals and then finals.
To me this was a way to capture the audience with something that our Latino Community loves to do. It was a complete success to see that everyone out there was very supportive to a good cause and knowing they were out there respresenting what most kids at St. Jude hunger for: a time to play and run freely expressing their joy through a single game. Regardless of the level of skills, competitivity, everyone kept in mind that although the kids of St. Jude were not amongst us, they were in our minds and hearts. That was the reason behind these games. The players represented Health and how winning a game is like fighting to win a fight for a cure, the constant struggle of getting one step closer to getting more kids where they need to be: home.
With each player in the field, ever kick, every goal, they represented that faith to continue to fight regardless! And of course not to give up. In soccer there is a time limit and so it is with Cancer, but for as long as we continue to fight together as a team we will overcome whatever is to come!
I am very proud of this community for being out there, to ISOL for providing the place and making this experience a memorable one! And to all the teams and fans for supporting the KIDS! Thanks to ALL!
Here are some radom pics of the final teams that advanced to finals, Maria Laura and I giving out the Thank you SPeech and reminding everyone what the purpose of these games were, and also random pics of the day's events.
"And the hearts and minds were moved, they were captivated by the presence of such kindred hearts pouring their hearts out in every game ..."
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| St. Jue Balloon Outisde |
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| The kids playing with water balloons {daniel and Maria Laura } |
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| Uniao America vs. Los Irresistibles - 2 teams that went into finals |
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| Me [Maria] & Maria Laura [Yang Scofano red] giving our Thank You Speech And presenting the Teams with the Trophies and recognition! (so there, who said a girl could not organize a little soccer tourney ;-) |
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
IN Need of a Prayer
"Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning" [a friend texted me this 8/31/11]
IT is true, things will be better in the morning! However, right about now, I am not feeling it. God knows I so want to spill the beans and let the cry of my heart break loose and set it free...but I must be patient and wait upon the Lord to direct the words....
Please say a prayer for me, for my husband Daniel, who has been undergoing some very distasteful, stressful, very frustrating moments at his job. I cannot go much into detail, however, please pray that the narrow minded, that the racial profiling, and that the high egos will understand and simply let him work in peace.
These issues have been stressing me a lot as well. We are both loosing sleep and it is very frustrating to feel so vulnerable and not being able to do much.
"Equal employment laws" ...uhm....
We need prayers, we need the spiritual intervention of our Father because I just cannot think of any other means to make this situation come to a stop. Please, to all the believers, the faithful souls out there, say a prayer for us.
We appreciate your support in advance. I know it is difficult to set aside time to pray for someone you hardly know or don't see often. I will be forever grateful regardless.
Blessings to all and I am blessed to have friends in my life who regardless of the time have never abandoned me :) Am truly blessed to have you!
"And so, the heart whep...and the journey began on the road paved with glass and thorns....yet they kept going...pressing forward on the fight for equality.."
IT is true, things will be better in the morning! However, right about now, I am not feeling it. God knows I so want to spill the beans and let the cry of my heart break loose and set it free...but I must be patient and wait upon the Lord to direct the words....
Please say a prayer for me, for my husband Daniel, who has been undergoing some very distasteful, stressful, very frustrating moments at his job. I cannot go much into detail, however, please pray that the narrow minded, that the racial profiling, and that the high egos will understand and simply let him work in peace.
These issues have been stressing me a lot as well. We are both loosing sleep and it is very frustrating to feel so vulnerable and not being able to do much.
"Equal employment laws" ...uhm....
We need prayers, we need the spiritual intervention of our Father because I just cannot think of any other means to make this situation come to a stop. Please, to all the believers, the faithful souls out there, say a prayer for us.
We appreciate your support in advance. I know it is difficult to set aside time to pray for someone you hardly know or don't see often. I will be forever grateful regardless.
Blessings to all and I am blessed to have friends in my life who regardless of the time have never abandoned me :) Am truly blessed to have you!
"And so, the heart whep...and the journey began on the road paved with glass and thorns....yet they kept going...pressing forward on the fight for equality.."
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Carrying the Cross...
"And as I glanced out of the corner of my eye, there stood the figure...the face...serious, but forgiving. He stood there setting aside his personal shame and embarrassment...waiting, simply waiting to be noticed...he stood there...so visible, yet invisible to the many hearts who simply glanced past him...and the humble heart, stumbled upon the symbolic object...."
It's Friday, 4pm somewhere in the middle of a hot-humid summer day. Kids are not in school, rather enjoying themselves at the local beach, rivers, or lakes. Everyone is unaware of the details that sorround our community.
Today, it is one of those Fridays, all entreprenurs, business folks, the typical or average worker is calling it the day. The typical paycheck to paycheck survivors are anxiously driving to their bank to cash in their weekly efforts to better their life. And yet, hidden behind this fast paced scenario is one man. A man, like a shadow perfectly standing there on top of the Montague overpass over the I-26 interstate. Quietly, so concentrated in just glancing through the windshields and into the minds of the unaware souls of his existence. Who is this man? And what is he doing there?
I am one of those passer bys, I capture his image out of the corner of my eye and he stands there, firmly. Lost in a world of his own, deep thought, slightly rubbing his well kept beard. Although it is a hot day, he is standing there with the Sun hitting behind him, making him the perfect invisible being to the eyes of the drivers passing underneath him. But faithfully, religously, he stands there every Friday staring into the distance of the long-rush hour traffic, hoping, and never loosing faith that someone out there will notice IT.
As he stands there so patienly, you can see he has labored so hard to be where he is. Although the Montegue passer bys get distracted, most have become acustomed to seeing him there. His attention however, is on those below him. As the sun blazes behind him, there IT stands, the CROSS. A wooden CROSS that he has so genuinly attached a wheel on the very bottom so that when he is carrying it, it becomes easier on his back and does not drag all the way up the ramp.
YES. He is carrying that cross with a purpose. Perhaps some may consider him a crazy old man. Someone who has nothing better to do, however, it is a simple reminder that regardless of where you are, what you are doing, even if stuck in a mad traffic such as I-26, that you should sit still for a moment and praise God for the wonders He is actively doing in everyone's life. He stands there, not asking for you to throw him money, nor for you to feel pitty or to show off his faith. He is there to give that symbol of peace and sanity.
As anyone who has ever driven on I-26 anytime and any day between the hours of 3pm and 6pm, you can expect to have some angry, frustrated drivers, yet they pause at the sight of such eloquent symbol.
"and so the figure who once had been invisible, the light finally shone upon the meaning of his presence...the light Reflected the one symbol the man was carrying...the CROSS"
Everyone has a cross of their own. We all have our daily struggles and we have to choose how we want to handle the daily tests of faith. Those sudden "burdens" often blind us from the real thing - the CROSS....and learning how to be still before our Maker.
*****this is an interesting note. I have noticed this guy before and always have wondered why he does it. I don't have a picture as there is no way to stop and take a picture because of the constant flow of traffic. However, he is always there. I always thought that he came long distances, yet although I do not have an answer for that, I can almost be certain he parks his car/truck not too far off. it takes true courage to do something that to others would look silly and embarrasing. I am not even sure I could do it....it looks a bit intimidating, but God knows this man is courageous. He might have his reasons behind this, but the most obvious point, he is reminding us of our cross and the True Cross that our father carried to forgive our own sins....it is a reminder that we need to trust on the Lord and let him pull the burdens off our shoulders and give us rest...it is a matter of learning to ask for that Help. It is very humbling seeing this act of pure unselfishness. That he takes his time to carry that huge cross and stand there amongst those many passer bys and their eyes heavily fixed on him and that object of his. IT is indeed a very humbling act.
There, he has made his point with me. I have noticed him and the cross and I have reached out everytime to my own. The man knows what he is doing, although it looks insanely ridiculous. I know where my cross is and I know WHO is in charge.
It's Friday, 4pm somewhere in the middle of a hot-humid summer day. Kids are not in school, rather enjoying themselves at the local beach, rivers, or lakes. Everyone is unaware of the details that sorround our community.
Today, it is one of those Fridays, all entreprenurs, business folks, the typical or average worker is calling it the day. The typical paycheck to paycheck survivors are anxiously driving to their bank to cash in their weekly efforts to better their life. And yet, hidden behind this fast paced scenario is one man. A man, like a shadow perfectly standing there on top of the Montague overpass over the I-26 interstate. Quietly, so concentrated in just glancing through the windshields and into the minds of the unaware souls of his existence. Who is this man? And what is he doing there?
I am one of those passer bys, I capture his image out of the corner of my eye and he stands there, firmly. Lost in a world of his own, deep thought, slightly rubbing his well kept beard. Although it is a hot day, he is standing there with the Sun hitting behind him, making him the perfect invisible being to the eyes of the drivers passing underneath him. But faithfully, religously, he stands there every Friday staring into the distance of the long-rush hour traffic, hoping, and never loosing faith that someone out there will notice IT.
As he stands there so patienly, you can see he has labored so hard to be where he is. Although the Montegue passer bys get distracted, most have become acustomed to seeing him there. His attention however, is on those below him. As the sun blazes behind him, there IT stands, the CROSS. A wooden CROSS that he has so genuinly attached a wheel on the very bottom so that when he is carrying it, it becomes easier on his back and does not drag all the way up the ramp.
YES. He is carrying that cross with a purpose. Perhaps some may consider him a crazy old man. Someone who has nothing better to do, however, it is a simple reminder that regardless of where you are, what you are doing, even if stuck in a mad traffic such as I-26, that you should sit still for a moment and praise God for the wonders He is actively doing in everyone's life. He stands there, not asking for you to throw him money, nor for you to feel pitty or to show off his faith. He is there to give that symbol of peace and sanity.
As anyone who has ever driven on I-26 anytime and any day between the hours of 3pm and 6pm, you can expect to have some angry, frustrated drivers, yet they pause at the sight of such eloquent symbol.
"and so the figure who once had been invisible, the light finally shone upon the meaning of his presence...the light Reflected the one symbol the man was carrying...the CROSS"
Everyone has a cross of their own. We all have our daily struggles and we have to choose how we want to handle the daily tests of faith. Those sudden "burdens" often blind us from the real thing - the CROSS....and learning how to be still before our Maker.
*****this is an interesting note. I have noticed this guy before and always have wondered why he does it. I don't have a picture as there is no way to stop and take a picture because of the constant flow of traffic. However, he is always there. I always thought that he came long distances, yet although I do not have an answer for that, I can almost be certain he parks his car/truck not too far off. it takes true courage to do something that to others would look silly and embarrasing. I am not even sure I could do it....it looks a bit intimidating, but God knows this man is courageous. He might have his reasons behind this, but the most obvious point, he is reminding us of our cross and the True Cross that our father carried to forgive our own sins....it is a reminder that we need to trust on the Lord and let him pull the burdens off our shoulders and give us rest...it is a matter of learning to ask for that Help. It is very humbling seeing this act of pure unselfishness. That he takes his time to carry that huge cross and stand there amongst those many passer bys and their eyes heavily fixed on him and that object of his. IT is indeed a very humbling act.
There, he has made his point with me. I have noticed him and the cross and I have reached out everytime to my own. The man knows what he is doing, although it looks insanely ridiculous. I know where my cross is and I know WHO is in charge.
Monday, August 8, 2011
There is a Way
"When all else fails, lean on Jesus, know that He is constantly listening regardless..."
It is indeed a test of faith having to constantly put up with the negativity behind you. Sometimes I feel as though I am drowning, the mountains become higher and fierceful with so many obstacles. The currents become so strong I can hardly manage to move or attempt to swim across. Sometimes, giving up sounds bitter sweet than to have to carry a load that does not belong to me. Or does it? Is this my greatest test?
So, then how to I manage all of this? Above all things, above all this, there is someone out there in the heavens above patiently thinking of me and prepairing the most beautiful gifts any woman could ask for.....
Oh, I must be patient and wait for all you have for me. I am running out of energy, I feel ready to surrender, I want to escape so badly the trecherous ways of this life. Lord will you hear the cry of my heart? Will you bring me the understanding and wisdom to become that woman of excellence, to be a sister to those in need, to be a mother to the motherless who so passionately sit and wait to feel that love?
Just as the songs says, "who am I?" what purpose do I serve here and how do I continue with such low doze of energy? I need a fresh renewal, a new me, a new person that can step forward and walk through the fierces of storms...to be that person to stand proud and strong...
this is the song of my heart. The cries as I continue to press on forward getting stabbed left and right. Get attacked by the most ferocious of beasts, the meaningless words, and the desperate cries of the sharpest tongues at their best...spilling their every bit of energy and "luscious" words of wisdom.
And thus, I sit up, lift my head up high and continue to walk through the thorny fields of excellence...passing through the vineyards of torment, yet I know that they are mere statues, pillars standing firm as a remnant of those tests of faith, they sit still watching me go and I continue on forward and not looking back.
***
Another note I had accidentally saved on the drafts a long while ago. So here it is...sometimes it does some good to the heart to release the inner bitterness....we are all human beings and for as much as anyone seeks to be a perfect person, we have this part of our heart that needs to be unleashed....set it free...and don't allow for build up.....
peace everyone.
It is indeed a test of faith having to constantly put up with the negativity behind you. Sometimes I feel as though I am drowning, the mountains become higher and fierceful with so many obstacles. The currents become so strong I can hardly manage to move or attempt to swim across. Sometimes, giving up sounds bitter sweet than to have to carry a load that does not belong to me. Or does it? Is this my greatest test?
So, then how to I manage all of this? Above all things, above all this, there is someone out there in the heavens above patiently thinking of me and prepairing the most beautiful gifts any woman could ask for.....
Oh, I must be patient and wait for all you have for me. I am running out of energy, I feel ready to surrender, I want to escape so badly the trecherous ways of this life. Lord will you hear the cry of my heart? Will you bring me the understanding and wisdom to become that woman of excellence, to be a sister to those in need, to be a mother to the motherless who so passionately sit and wait to feel that love?
Just as the songs says, "who am I?" what purpose do I serve here and how do I continue with such low doze of energy? I need a fresh renewal, a new me, a new person that can step forward and walk through the fierces of storms...to be that person to stand proud and strong...
this is the song of my heart. The cries as I continue to press on forward getting stabbed left and right. Get attacked by the most ferocious of beasts, the meaningless words, and the desperate cries of the sharpest tongues at their best...spilling their every bit of energy and "luscious" words of wisdom.
And thus, I sit up, lift my head up high and continue to walk through the thorny fields of excellence...passing through the vineyards of torment, yet I know that they are mere statues, pillars standing firm as a remnant of those tests of faith, they sit still watching me go and I continue on forward and not looking back.
***
Another note I had accidentally saved on the drafts a long while ago. So here it is...sometimes it does some good to the heart to release the inner bitterness....we are all human beings and for as much as anyone seeks to be a perfect person, we have this part of our heart that needs to be unleashed....set it free...and don't allow for build up.....
peace everyone.
Foreigner wearing the Wrong Shoes
"We are all foreigners of this world, our life is a temporary life here on earth...we strive to survive, we acquire our worldly acomplishments, yet it will all come to past...."
I am now 27 years old, soon to be 28. For the last 14years or so, I have been a stranger, a foreigner of this land, I am stranger of culture, language, and beliefs. I am that individual like most foreigners of this Great Country - USA, I am just as much of a foreigner as anyone. However, I have spent most of my life adjusting and although I will never complete the cycle of conformity and be 100% accepted by those "judgementally" folks out there; I continue to strive forward.
Lately there have been series of events taking place of acts of discrimination, haunting looks, vicious words of anger and poisenous stabs towards those of us that regardless of inmigration status, will forever carry that label in our foreheads. The "Promised Land" to those who cross the border has turned the honey into a bitter tar of death, judment, and a hunt for survival all over again. The Land founded by inmigrants even those who traveled by the Mayflower and landed in this Northern territory were as we are today, inmigrants. They came and took the land of the true American Natives...all those wars, the deaths, the tears shed....yet it is beginning to repeat itself.
I know most will not jump into agreement, neither am I looking to have anyone agree in any way shape or form. We are the land of Christianity, we are those who call ourselves true followers, yet when one sheep falls short, I see no one running out to try and help this sheep out. We are always trying to be so politically correct that we forget the true meaning of Following our Father.
It is very ironic how a native of an inmigrant signs into Law a law that is designed to potentially corral all undocumented workers out of the fields, out of the construction sites, out of the dirty labors that no one else wants to do. There is a HIKE of unemployemnt, however, no one is running out to get the jobs that those foreigners are willing to do...Sure, agriculture giants are at fault for hiring low wage workers.
Let's just say, I am highly disappointed that because I am different in every way than a tradicional "North American" I am now facing racial profiling. Regardless of my education, my "status," my apparance will be sufficient in order for an officer of the law to question me.
I am disappointed that no matter what we do, how much contribution we give our goverment, we are still at the lowest of the pit. Mind you, I know nothing about politics, but enough to have a common sense that we are driving our economy down, we are not getting our money back because of all the drug lords in Mexico, central, and South America are pulling the money down....
This life is a temporary life, our life is barrowed for us to show our hearts for others, to reach out and help the helpless...to provide comfort, shelter, feed those less fortunate than us. We condem those who "reproduce" regardless if they have the means to provide for their families or not, we condem those and take the frustration as an obligation to do something about it...we also condem those who actually work hard in order to sustain those in their family. We sit back and talk about ways that "those" people should follow, that they should have more education, we sit back and talk....yet we don't take initiative to take a step forward and say, I will be that difference, I will help this community out and give them a piece of my knowledge....we simply sit back, relax, and let other's put their grain of sand and hope that it counts for all.
********
I apologize if anyone disagrees, feels offended, or simply thinks I have no idea of what I am talking about. Take the time to ask me and I will share. I have lived through it all. And yet, I sit here and continue to experience every bit of that in a different time, culture, and from those whom I would've never thought I would receive such treatment.
I mean no harm, and I am simply speaking out my disapointed heart. I had been meaning to finish this draft, however, I know I will not get any further. SO here is what I have so far....I might return and talk abit more, however, I have no energy nor time to complete this.
God bless everyone, God Bless this Country for we need it....we are the GIANTS of this world, yet we are falling...
I am now 27 years old, soon to be 28. For the last 14years or so, I have been a stranger, a foreigner of this land, I am stranger of culture, language, and beliefs. I am that individual like most foreigners of this Great Country - USA, I am just as much of a foreigner as anyone. However, I have spent most of my life adjusting and although I will never complete the cycle of conformity and be 100% accepted by those "judgementally" folks out there; I continue to strive forward.
Lately there have been series of events taking place of acts of discrimination, haunting looks, vicious words of anger and poisenous stabs towards those of us that regardless of inmigration status, will forever carry that label in our foreheads. The "Promised Land" to those who cross the border has turned the honey into a bitter tar of death, judment, and a hunt for survival all over again. The Land founded by inmigrants even those who traveled by the Mayflower and landed in this Northern territory were as we are today, inmigrants. They came and took the land of the true American Natives...all those wars, the deaths, the tears shed....yet it is beginning to repeat itself.
I know most will not jump into agreement, neither am I looking to have anyone agree in any way shape or form. We are the land of Christianity, we are those who call ourselves true followers, yet when one sheep falls short, I see no one running out to try and help this sheep out. We are always trying to be so politically correct that we forget the true meaning of Following our Father.
It is very ironic how a native of an inmigrant signs into Law a law that is designed to potentially corral all undocumented workers out of the fields, out of the construction sites, out of the dirty labors that no one else wants to do. There is a HIKE of unemployemnt, however, no one is running out to get the jobs that those foreigners are willing to do...Sure, agriculture giants are at fault for hiring low wage workers.
Let's just say, I am highly disappointed that because I am different in every way than a tradicional "North American" I am now facing racial profiling. Regardless of my education, my "status," my apparance will be sufficient in order for an officer of the law to question me.
I am disappointed that no matter what we do, how much contribution we give our goverment, we are still at the lowest of the pit. Mind you, I know nothing about politics, but enough to have a common sense that we are driving our economy down, we are not getting our money back because of all the drug lords in Mexico, central, and South America are pulling the money down....
This life is a temporary life, our life is barrowed for us to show our hearts for others, to reach out and help the helpless...to provide comfort, shelter, feed those less fortunate than us. We condem those who "reproduce" regardless if they have the means to provide for their families or not, we condem those and take the frustration as an obligation to do something about it...we also condem those who actually work hard in order to sustain those in their family. We sit back and talk about ways that "those" people should follow, that they should have more education, we sit back and talk....yet we don't take initiative to take a step forward and say, I will be that difference, I will help this community out and give them a piece of my knowledge....we simply sit back, relax, and let other's put their grain of sand and hope that it counts for all.
********
I apologize if anyone disagrees, feels offended, or simply thinks I have no idea of what I am talking about. Take the time to ask me and I will share. I have lived through it all. And yet, I sit here and continue to experience every bit of that in a different time, culture, and from those whom I would've never thought I would receive such treatment.
I mean no harm, and I am simply speaking out my disapointed heart. I had been meaning to finish this draft, however, I know I will not get any further. SO here is what I have so far....I might return and talk abit more, however, I have no energy nor time to complete this.
God bless everyone, God Bless this Country for we need it....we are the GIANTS of this world, yet we are falling...
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Countless Blessings
I have not written in a while, I have put this blog off for a few months now. So here I am, once again, attempting to recap what has been going on in this crazy world of mine.
I have long put this off, but here is what I have been meaning to write:
LUCAS - el muñeco mas amado (the most lovable baby)
Lucas was born October 12th, 2010. I have been too busy to mark this very important date! Our first nephew in the family, the cutest, most amazing baby ever! (I mean all babies are cute, but my Lucas is precious).
Day by day, I am reminded of his most amazing feautures: the radiant Fuentes smiles, the handsomeness of a little man (both from his dad and mom), the little-big head (GENEOUS), and that little spot right on top of his head: its a little white speck of hair that stands out more as he spends time in the sun fishing with his mom and dad. Yes, Lucas is the light of our eyes! The reason to come together and celebrate the joy of life, family, and purity!
I love him as if he were my own (then again, I love all babies as if they were mine). God has blessed us tremendously with him in our lives. More so, I think God has united our family and we have become closer to each other because of the love and affection we give to our Lucas.
I could not be happier! Well, we do have another nephew/niece on the way! Then again, we will wait upon God's blessing for that little life to become the center of attention as well.
There are actually no words to describe how much I love Lucas. I am the proudest Tia! ( I am sure I can claim that without my sisters or Allison's sister getting competitive on that :) Lucas is now 7months old, has two lower teeth, two upper teeth coming out (huge), and a molar...what?? seriously? Then in May 16th, he decides to say "dada!" He pulls his own weight to stand, he wakes up standing on his crib (so I am told)! Is it me or is this baby growing way too fast? He is using 9month old gear! What's wrong! hahaha.
The point, I am so proud of him for being such a smart baby, more so proud of my sister-in-law Allison who spends countless hours nurturing this baby to be and have this smart personality! He is so active, loves to smile and hardly ever "pouts"! My brother and Allison have him in swimming lessons - oh dear, what a cute little fish he makes! And when he splashes, let's out the cutest of screams, as if he were advancing victoriously in the swimming Olympics!
Lucas loves STRAWBERRIES!!! We spent mother's day at Boone Hall Plantation and he just enjoyed himself, and of course we all enjoyed him! See pics below.
I am soo thankful to God, my brother and his wife for giving us this piece of joy in our hearts, the love, the kindred spirited Lucas who illuminates our faces with gigles and smiles of all sorts. Thank you Lord. I love my nephew and will love on him for years and years to come.
And this is where the SHOCK comes in, it is may 25th, and this baby went from "DADA" to "ALL DONE!" yes, you did read correctly! Lucas, what's wrong with you? LOL! he is growing way too fast and I am not getting all that loving...jajajaa... I am soo proud of him for being so smart! And of course proud of my borther and his wife for the passion, dedication, and love they give him! That is why he is so smart! Not to mention he is the most spoiled baby ever! Has his grandpapi wraped around him, his Grandmami melts with love for him, and his Tios - just play with him like crazy! And then he has his Tias...boy, oh, boy, he has several Tias to run to for SUGAR, veggies (?), and hyperness!!! (that would be me ;-)
All in all, this baby is one of my countless blessings.
MOTHERS - And here I present you with several mom's: birth, love, nurishment, compassion, and accountability.....
God has blessed me with the gift of a mother naturally within me - I have those emotions, the love, the kindness within to give unconditional love to any kid...one day I will be that guiding light to a child who needs healing through love....
Where did I learn all that? God provided me with several mother's throughout my life. Yes, I am sure some of you believe in just 1 mother, I have had several. Where are they now? They have become me...
My mother of birth - she was one tough nut to crack. Yes, God gave mea mother who despite the hardships of life, did all she could to provide for her kids, to give her everything, to put aside her life and let her blood flow for ours...although she made the ultimate sacrifice to come to the USA and left us motherless, we never ever were alone...first off God was there watching over us, then HE placed our Angel Papa Chico. Later on, my second mother showed up in my life...Mama Cata...My birth mother made the ultimate sacrife that no mother should ever have to do....doing what she did, going through what she did...could not mention it would be too surreal for anyone to understand...including me....she did all that and more....what bravery, what a mother....I admire that strength...that power, that determination and strength to set aside her personal life, her personal emotions to seek out what was best for us.....
Mother of Love - for every stage of life, we loose something, we gain something greater. We simply have to be willing to accept that change and grow with the seasons of life and flow with that current. Mama Cati (mama Catocha), she became my second mother to me and my siblings. God placed her there to be that fortress, that angel to keep us warm on cold nights...she was there to restore that love and care for us in part of the absense of our mother. Slowly you will learn more and more about these seasons of our lives. More so I write this because Lucas one day he will want to know...and if one day I am blessed with a baby, he/she will want to know the roots of his/her mom and family. I could go on and on..but slowly you will learn this from me..
Mother of Nurishment - This is our mother once we arrived in the USA. our Puerto Rican mother, the woman who despite our hard heads put up with us and gave us her love...treated us as her kids and nourished our minds with discipline, education, kept us in line all through school - college...and the now... she became that mother at that/this stage of life. Although sometimes it is hard to keep up with so many mothers, I am still blessed to have all of them as part of my life....
Mother of Compassion/Accountability - this one is hard...hard to wrap up how from nothingness, became everything. She was my mother role, a friend, and a sister all in one. A friend whom I came to and shared my "guy interests to," the one who spent countless hours awake waiting for me to be home from a night of movies and friends...the mom who woke up at 2am and drove across all of Charleston to pick my friends and me after being left stranded by "SCORCHY" (my car) in the middle of Hwy 17 in Mount Pleasant. Yes, she is my mother of compassion and accountability...although no longer in my life, God knows she is still as much part of my life as ever will be...I will respect her, love her, and will continue to pray for her and her stages of life.....a love that regarless of what happened in between....will remain alive in my heart...yes Elizabeth, I do love you like the mother, sister, and friend you were then...thank you for that!
So see here, I'm awarded mother's for every stage of my life...right now, I am an orphan...or perhaps I am becoming that mother figure to someone and am no longer needing a mother to look after me....God has blessed me countlessly with such love, such faithfullness from those around me....and thus I am the person I am today....(although at times I don't feel like myself)....but here I am, slowly becoming that someone...that mother figure to someone out there....maybe that someone is searching for me? Then again, I feel as though I already have been that mother....when our mom left, my youngest siblings needed me,when we lived with Mama Cati I was like her in every way, when we got to the USA, my step-sisters needed me, when I moved in with Elizabeth, her girls needed me....so do we call it even? Not quite yet.....I know God has more in store....
There, God's countless blessings just seem to put off all that negativity that has been around me lately. Yes, I am not perfect, my world is not perfect. I don't have all of the goodies (materialistic items), don't have the luxuries of this vain world, but I have the greatest gifts...a peace within of abundant love, compassion given and inherited through the different stages of my life. The love of my husband who continually reminds me that it is ok to be human and to make mistakes, to be tough and get up...it is a tough road we are traveling, but together and with God's help, we will overcome these trials and tribulations. And so, I rest my case....the abundance of my blessings satisfy and overpower the negativity within those around me.
Thanks to you my Lord for giving me such a patient heart! I will press on and continued pushing forward to become that woman of excellence...earning my rewards...and accomplishing the requirements needed to survive daily on this harsh world of mine.....
I have long put this off, but here is what I have been meaning to write:
LUCAS - el muñeco mas amado (the most lovable baby)
Lucas was born October 12th, 2010. I have been too busy to mark this very important date! Our first nephew in the family, the cutest, most amazing baby ever! (I mean all babies are cute, but my Lucas is precious).
Day by day, I am reminded of his most amazing feautures: the radiant Fuentes smiles, the handsomeness of a little man (both from his dad and mom), the little-big head (GENEOUS), and that little spot right on top of his head: its a little white speck of hair that stands out more as he spends time in the sun fishing with his mom and dad. Yes, Lucas is the light of our eyes! The reason to come together and celebrate the joy of life, family, and purity!
I love him as if he were my own (then again, I love all babies as if they were mine). God has blessed us tremendously with him in our lives. More so, I think God has united our family and we have become closer to each other because of the love and affection we give to our Lucas.
I could not be happier! Well, we do have another nephew/niece on the way! Then again, we will wait upon God's blessing for that little life to become the center of attention as well.
There are actually no words to describe how much I love Lucas. I am the proudest Tia! ( I am sure I can claim that without my sisters or Allison's sister getting competitive on that :) Lucas is now 7months old, has two lower teeth, two upper teeth coming out (huge), and a molar...what?? seriously? Then in May 16th, he decides to say "dada!" He pulls his own weight to stand, he wakes up standing on his crib (so I am told)! Is it me or is this baby growing way too fast? He is using 9month old gear! What's wrong! hahaha.
The point, I am so proud of him for being such a smart baby, more so proud of my sister-in-law Allison who spends countless hours nurturing this baby to be and have this smart personality! He is so active, loves to smile and hardly ever "pouts"! My brother and Allison have him in swimming lessons - oh dear, what a cute little fish he makes! And when he splashes, let's out the cutest of screams, as if he were advancing victoriously in the swimming Olympics!
Lucas loves STRAWBERRIES!!! We spent mother's day at Boone Hall Plantation and he just enjoyed himself, and of course we all enjoyed him! See pics below.
I am soo thankful to God, my brother and his wife for giving us this piece of joy in our hearts, the love, the kindred spirited Lucas who illuminates our faces with gigles and smiles of all sorts. Thank you Lord. I love my nephew and will love on him for years and years to come.
And this is where the SHOCK comes in, it is may 25th, and this baby went from "DADA" to "ALL DONE!" yes, you did read correctly! Lucas, what's wrong with you? LOL! he is growing way too fast and I am not getting all that loving...jajajaa... I am soo proud of him for being so smart! And of course proud of my borther and his wife for the passion, dedication, and love they give him! That is why he is so smart! Not to mention he is the most spoiled baby ever! Has his grandpapi wraped around him, his Grandmami melts with love for him, and his Tios - just play with him like crazy! And then he has his Tias...boy, oh, boy, he has several Tias to run to for SUGAR, veggies (?), and hyperness!!! (that would be me ;-)
All in all, this baby is one of my countless blessings.
MOTHERS - And here I present you with several mom's: birth, love, nurishment, compassion, and accountability.....
God has blessed me with the gift of a mother naturally within me - I have those emotions, the love, the kindness within to give unconditional love to any kid...one day I will be that guiding light to a child who needs healing through love....
Where did I learn all that? God provided me with several mother's throughout my life. Yes, I am sure some of you believe in just 1 mother, I have had several. Where are they now? They have become me...
My mother of birth - she was one tough nut to crack. Yes, God gave mea mother who despite the hardships of life, did all she could to provide for her kids, to give her everything, to put aside her life and let her blood flow for ours...although she made the ultimate sacrifice to come to the USA and left us motherless, we never ever were alone...first off God was there watching over us, then HE placed our Angel Papa Chico. Later on, my second mother showed up in my life...Mama Cata...My birth mother made the ultimate sacrife that no mother should ever have to do....doing what she did, going through what she did...could not mention it would be too surreal for anyone to understand...including me....she did all that and more....what bravery, what a mother....I admire that strength...that power, that determination and strength to set aside her personal life, her personal emotions to seek out what was best for us.....
Mother of Love - for every stage of life, we loose something, we gain something greater. We simply have to be willing to accept that change and grow with the seasons of life and flow with that current. Mama Cati (mama Catocha), she became my second mother to me and my siblings. God placed her there to be that fortress, that angel to keep us warm on cold nights...she was there to restore that love and care for us in part of the absense of our mother. Slowly you will learn more and more about these seasons of our lives. More so I write this because Lucas one day he will want to know...and if one day I am blessed with a baby, he/she will want to know the roots of his/her mom and family. I could go on and on..but slowly you will learn this from me..
Mother of Nurishment - This is our mother once we arrived in the USA. our Puerto Rican mother, the woman who despite our hard heads put up with us and gave us her love...treated us as her kids and nourished our minds with discipline, education, kept us in line all through school - college...and the now... she became that mother at that/this stage of life. Although sometimes it is hard to keep up with so many mothers, I am still blessed to have all of them as part of my life....
Mother of Compassion/Accountability - this one is hard...hard to wrap up how from nothingness, became everything. She was my mother role, a friend, and a sister all in one. A friend whom I came to and shared my "guy interests to," the one who spent countless hours awake waiting for me to be home from a night of movies and friends...the mom who woke up at 2am and drove across all of Charleston to pick my friends and me after being left stranded by "SCORCHY" (my car) in the middle of Hwy 17 in Mount Pleasant. Yes, she is my mother of compassion and accountability...although no longer in my life, God knows she is still as much part of my life as ever will be...I will respect her, love her, and will continue to pray for her and her stages of life.....a love that regarless of what happened in between....will remain alive in my heart...yes Elizabeth, I do love you like the mother, sister, and friend you were then...thank you for that!
So see here, I'm awarded mother's for every stage of my life...right now, I am an orphan...or perhaps I am becoming that mother figure to someone and am no longer needing a mother to look after me....God has blessed me countlessly with such love, such faithfullness from those around me....and thus I am the person I am today....(although at times I don't feel like myself)....but here I am, slowly becoming that someone...that mother figure to someone out there....maybe that someone is searching for me? Then again, I feel as though I already have been that mother....when our mom left, my youngest siblings needed me,when we lived with Mama Cati I was like her in every way, when we got to the USA, my step-sisters needed me, when I moved in with Elizabeth, her girls needed me....so do we call it even? Not quite yet.....I know God has more in store....
There, God's countless blessings just seem to put off all that negativity that has been around me lately. Yes, I am not perfect, my world is not perfect. I don't have all of the goodies (materialistic items), don't have the luxuries of this vain world, but I have the greatest gifts...a peace within of abundant love, compassion given and inherited through the different stages of my life. The love of my husband who continually reminds me that it is ok to be human and to make mistakes, to be tough and get up...it is a tough road we are traveling, but together and with God's help, we will overcome these trials and tribulations. And so, I rest my case....the abundance of my blessings satisfy and overpower the negativity within those around me.
Thanks to you my Lord for giving me such a patient heart! I will press on and continued pushing forward to become that woman of excellence...earning my rewards...and accomplishing the requirements needed to survive daily on this harsh world of mine.....
 |
| Lucas, ready for strawberries |
 |
| Destroying those strawberries :) |
 |
| Normal smiles from Lucas!! Mom and Daddy! |
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Gasping for Air
"Slowly the pulse weakened, she grew faint...fraile...on the verge of fainting...light became darkness and the voices faded away...."
Everyone has a passion of their own, people identify with their football teams, basketball, some naturalists with mountains, others with rivers or plainly the out doors. I identify with soccer. It's a passion to feel the adrenaline rush, the emotion of getting the ball in complete control, making the right moves, calibrating the strength and force used to send the ball across the field and scoring a GOAL. That's what get's me going and whatever negativity lies within, tends to make its way out once I set foot on that green field-all perfectly lined with fresh paint!
The scent of the grass, the paint, and seeing the soccer ball rest in the middle of the field drives the blood in my vains at high speed. That's what I LOVE. To take out whatever negativity attempted to infiltrate into my system, to invade my mind, soul, and well-being and leave it there in that field. I love to reject it with a hard kick and into the NET.
IT does not matter the circumstances, the voices that speak of vile terms, the venom spilled over me...it matters none. Everything is left there on that field, to take out whatever stress has invaded me or whatever has come my way. I play to relieve those emotions, to detoxicate my well-being...it's my haven, my world of "Solitude." It is in that place where my mind goes blank and resets into soccer mode and my competitive self comes out.
Sure this makes absolutely no sense to some, to me this is my Yoga! The source and strength to look forward to! I may not have the skills, the moves, or the speed, but I have the passion within. I also identify myself not with the greatest soccer player: Messi nor Forlan, but rather with Caseres: he's a maniac, can't deliver the ball, but does not give up on a lost ball! I don't loose sight of my objective: having that ball in my control, neither does Caseres.
This is definately the most random note ever, however, I know that many out there could use a little motivation to dig inside themselves and find that passion. To get out of being a couch potatoe and do something active, to move, and be an example to others. I love to be active, proactiv, and using my abilities to better myself and perhaps along the way grab a few folks with me.
So why the random quote above? It is because I get so competitive that often I drive myself too hard and forget that I am only human and have my limits. Yes, I have blacked out before during soccer "practices" not a good feeling, but who can deny that having that adrenaline rush doesn't feel good! lol.
LET's MOVE AMERICA! ps. personal pet-peeve: all the fast food places everywhere and everyone indulging very glutenously over such foods. Drives me insane and the thought makes me gag. :/
Everyone has a passion of their own, people identify with their football teams, basketball, some naturalists with mountains, others with rivers or plainly the out doors. I identify with soccer. It's a passion to feel the adrenaline rush, the emotion of getting the ball in complete control, making the right moves, calibrating the strength and force used to send the ball across the field and scoring a GOAL. That's what get's me going and whatever negativity lies within, tends to make its way out once I set foot on that green field-all perfectly lined with fresh paint!
The scent of the grass, the paint, and seeing the soccer ball rest in the middle of the field drives the blood in my vains at high speed. That's what I LOVE. To take out whatever negativity attempted to infiltrate into my system, to invade my mind, soul, and well-being and leave it there in that field. I love to reject it with a hard kick and into the NET.
IT does not matter the circumstances, the voices that speak of vile terms, the venom spilled over me...it matters none. Everything is left there on that field, to take out whatever stress has invaded me or whatever has come my way. I play to relieve those emotions, to detoxicate my well-being...it's my haven, my world of "Solitude." It is in that place where my mind goes blank and resets into soccer mode and my competitive self comes out.
Sure this makes absolutely no sense to some, to me this is my Yoga! The source and strength to look forward to! I may not have the skills, the moves, or the speed, but I have the passion within. I also identify myself not with the greatest soccer player: Messi nor Forlan, but rather with Caseres: he's a maniac, can't deliver the ball, but does not give up on a lost ball! I don't loose sight of my objective: having that ball in my control, neither does Caseres.
This is definately the most random note ever, however, I know that many out there could use a little motivation to dig inside themselves and find that passion. To get out of being a couch potatoe and do something active, to move, and be an example to others. I love to be active, proactiv, and using my abilities to better myself and perhaps along the way grab a few folks with me.
So why the random quote above? It is because I get so competitive that often I drive myself too hard and forget that I am only human and have my limits. Yes, I have blacked out before during soccer "practices" not a good feeling, but who can deny that having that adrenaline rush doesn't feel good! lol.
LET's MOVE AMERICA! ps. personal pet-peeve: all the fast food places everywhere and everyone indulging very glutenously over such foods. Drives me insane and the thought makes me gag. :/
Friday, February 4, 2011
AFLOAT
"And I slowly closed my eyes, my mind ejecting into a world of peace...passing through the impressionate, delicate white curtain...as if walking through soft clouds; my mind got lost deep into the esence of tranquility..."
CAPTIVATED
Inspired by listening to Enya - Willows on the Water
I am swimming, in the slippery waters of life. With each passioniate stroke, my heart beats ever so excitedly knowing that I am closer to being with the lover of my soul. Slowly my arms make way, they reach for HIM.
Swimming at a slow pace...this here is my journey, one day, one night, like two separated lovers seeking to embrance each other...so fierce is the beating of my heart...We’ll meet once AGAIN...
I am swimming, past the breath taking willows leaning against the vivid currents of life, delicately caressing my face as I pass enroute to meet my lover.
The currents begin to get fierce; the waters muddy, there are many obstacles along the way, stronger are my desires, my needs to emerge to finally meet HIM. Not giving up, I struggle to keep A FlOAT. Pushing aside the debris, overcoming the cold shivers running down my spine, I fight the battle of conquest.
My Dream, my hope, my desire is to stay on this trail, to keep fighting the good fight, to eventually reach the calm soothing crystal waters...is this just the beginning or am I nearing the end? Does everything follow this one direction, or is there a detour waiting ahead?
Just keep swimming, just keep your head afloat, breathe, and don’t loose sight of that faint bright star...ever so distant, but there’s still hope...there’s one way...keep your eyes fixed on that guiding light...
Adrift I go....carried by the strength of the current....taking hold of positive spirits... when all hell breaks loose, breathe, call out to HIM and never give up on any battles of faith....Hold onto the floating logs for support...they will hold you...they will keep you afloat for just a little while. Just remember to keep your heart and sight on HIM...
Written: Lunch break, Friday, October 22, 2010
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